(Closed) Husband hanging with female friend alone?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Husband tells you he is meeting his friend Anna for lunch. What do you say?
    "Hahahahahahahaha no" : (53 votes)
    17 %
    "Ok honey, have fun" : (175 votes)
    55 %
    "Anna better be a man, or we have a problem" : (22 votes)
    7 %
    **DEATH STARE** : (17 votes)
    5 %
    "I would feel better if I came along" : (26 votes)
    8 %
    Other : (23 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    1888 posts
    Buzzing bee

    He’s never given me a reason to distrust him or be jealous, so I can’t see thinking twice about it. That said, it doesn’t come up very often for us.

    Post # 17
    Member
    3448 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    I wouldn’t have a problem with my SO going to lunch with a female friend. The gender issue isn’t an issue for me. If I don’t like her as a person, that’s one thing, but I wouldn’t care about the fact that she was a woman. I’m comfortable with it because I have those sort of interations with my male friends so it’s not a concept that bothers me. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    2128 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Sometimes it’s not about how much you trust your guy, but how much you trust HER intentions

    Post # 19
    Member
    312 posts
    Helper bee

    Definitely depends on the female and the relationship for me. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    556 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    Considering I actually go to visit a male friend alone, who lives in Europe (I live in US), and stay with him, I think it’s fine. It would be really wrong of me if I didn’t let Darling Husband hang out with female friends when he lets me do that… That is… If he had them. LOL. Since we got engaged, he simply dropped off talking to his female friends, including a best friend. He doesn’t mind that I’m friends with guys. I trust him, and he trusts me, and if he had a great female friend, I wouldn’t mind at all. I think guys and girls make the best of friends tbh. I find I have much less drama with my male friends.

    Post # 21
    Member
    2699 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    My best friend is a guy, we spend time together alone a lot. Of my hubby wants to do the same it would be hippocritical of me to object. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee

    I wouldn’t be cofortable with that. I know others on the bee would have no problem, but I do. I would not like to hear that fiance met alone with a woman and I apply the same rule to myself: I don’t spend alone with male friends. We hang out as a group. For us, it is a matter of respect and the belief that the best prevention of of being put into a bad situation is to avoid being in a position for something to occur. Basically saying, being alone with a friend of the opposite gender is more likely to lead to a bad decision than if with a group. It alos prevents that “friend” from spreading lies. A mutual friend of ours once met a female friend of his for lunch and she went around telling people that they had slept togther. She later admitted that she had lied, but only after it caused problems in his relationship to his girlfriend. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    9580 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    its fine if its not frequent.  Like, when we were driving through Portland I went and hung out with a friend of mine and he went and hung out with a friend of his, because we were both eager to catch up.  

    He goes for lunch or sometimes even dinner with old female friends of his.. I know them all and would trust them completely, even the ones I know he’s had crushes on in the past and potentially more.  

    Post # 24
    Member
    357 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    People are only allowed to hang out with their own specific gender after marriage? So once you are married or dating for a while you are expected to let go of all of your friends who are of the opposite sex? So for example, one guy has a friend since highschool, she is a female, and they go get coffee or lunch when they have a break or whatever, he is supposed to drop that friend like a hot potato if he gets involved with another woman just because she feels uncomfortable about it? To me that is kind of saying to the other “I don’t trust you and I don’t trust any other female on this earth, so no, you are not allowed to have female friends anymore unless I am there supervising the whole thing”

    Do you see what that looks like now?

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  happy_face.
    Post # 25
    Member
    357 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    SapphireAngel94:  If she did that, I would sue her for slander etc… end of story.

    Post # 26
    Member
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    My husband is a teacher and practically all of his coworkers are female. They take lunch together sometimes, and Darling Husband has even carpooled with one a few times. I don’t mind at all, because I trust my husband, and I have met his coworkers. I’ve never felt threatened by any of them. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    4238 posts
    Honey bee

    happy_face:  

    No. We didn’t drop friends upon marriage. We did, however, commit to forsake all others so we began to avoid alone time with others so that the gossips and nosey nellies don’t think we’ve strayed. We visit our friends in groups. It’s an easy price to pay to protect ourselves and others.

     

     

    Post # 28
    Member
    1424 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    Not a problem for me. Fiance has a female friend who he’s been friends with for years. He often goes running with her and they stop for a coffee afterwards. I’ve never even thought about it. I completely trust him and she’s lovely. She comes here for dinner some times too. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    1184 posts
    Bumble bee

    It’s interesting when people say it depends on the woman. If a guy’s going to cheat then they’re BOTH responsible. I’ve never understood ‘I trust my man 100% but…’ If you trust your guy, it shouldn’t matter if she turns up in her underwear.

    I’m in team hang out with friends of the opposite sex. With long term friends From school/uni then I’m cool with being at eachbother’s houses but if it was a new acquaintences then I’d rather it was coffee or lunch out somewhere until I knew them a bit more. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    1262 posts
    Bumble bee

    valentine2016:  More background, please. Is Anna a coworker? An old friend? Some “new friend” he met at a bar last week?

    Given our level of trust, I wouldn’t be concerned if I was in this position. But it’s not black and white. If someone’s husband made new “friends” all the time and was having long, private lunches with them, it’d be a totally different ball game than a good husband catching up with a friend or former coworker over lunch.

    The topic ‘Husband hanging with female friend alone?’ is closed to new replies.

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