(Closed) Husband hanging with female friend alone?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Husband tells you he is meeting his friend Anna for lunch. What do you say?
    "Hahahahahahahaha no" : (53 votes)
    17 %
    "Ok honey, have fun" : (175 votes)
    55 %
    "Anna better be a man, or we have a problem" : (22 votes)
    7 %
    **DEATH STARE** : (17 votes)
    5 %
    "I would feel better if I came along" : (26 votes)
    8 %
    Other : (23 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    1553 posts
    Bumble bee

    Unless he’d given me a reason to be suspicious about a particular girl (he never has), then I have no problem with it. He has a few close female friends from uni that he’ll meet up with for coffee and female colleagues that he’s friends with. I know all of these women now, but even when I didn’t, I didn’t have any issues.

    I’be got male friends that I hang out with alone, why should it be any different?

    Post # 32
    Member
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    valentine2016:  I go out with single male friends alone and while my husband doesn’t love it we both agree he doesn’t get a say in who my friends are.

    He is more than welcome to go out with his female friends too. He doesn’t have any male friends locally so it’s to be expected for me.

    I’m of the opinion that if you’re the type of person that will cheat then no amount of controlling your partners friendships is going to stop that from happening.

    Post # 33
    Member
    3049 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    I’m perfectly fine with it. My partner has never given me reasons to be uncomfortable about it.

    I want to be able to hang out with male friends without feeling like I have a chaperone or feeling my partner’s insecurities. So I would of course want to practice the same for him hanging out with female friends. Even if the female has bad intentions…I trust that my partner will act accordingly to what the situation entails just as I expect him to trust me to handle situations with men.

    Though, depending on opinion, the question is about trust, control, and space because if you have to specify why you chose your answer…those are reasons for many people.

    Post # 34
    Member
    372 posts
    Helper bee

    No, I wouldn’t be cool with that. My hubby has just changed his job and I know that one of his new coworkers is a very pretty girl. She’s engaged, he’s married and I trust him, but knowing that they have to spend time together at work is enough for me. No hanging out alone with friends of the opposite sex for none of us.   

    Post # 35
    Member
    453 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    HELL NO!   

    Post # 36
    Member
    7416 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I’m pretty sure his penis isnt going to accidentally fall into her vagina while the waiter is showing them the dessert tray, so I voted “hey honey, go have fun!”

    it’s lunch, not a month-long escape to an overwater bungalow in Bali. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    346 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m fine with it and so is my Fiance. If he weren’t ok with it, we definitely would not be dating (red flag) I’m grown and so is he, we can both make decisions on who we want to associate with. We also have very active social lives and going out alone with a member of the opposite sex doesn’t give the appearance of anything other than two friends hanging out. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    6783 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Lunch with a female friend, presumably in a restaurant? No problem, wouldn’t think twice about it. 

    My SO travels a lot for business. If I were to learn about a late night dinner in a hotel with a woman I hadn’t heard of before (or had heard about a great deal) I would inquire further, even though I don’t think he would cheat, just because it could appear suspicious. 

     

    Post # 39
    Member
    1710 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    valentine2016:  I am comfortable with him hanging out with the female friends he already has (been friends since high school). But if he got a new female friend I’d be very uncomfortable with it.

    Post # 40
    Member
    5108 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Under the vast majority of circumstances, I’d be totally ok with it. I guess if she was inviting him to a private lunch at her home everyday, that might be suspect, but I also wouldn’t expect my husband to go for that, either. 

    Darling Husband doesn’t have any close female friends, so it’s a non-issue. I have a good male friend that I have hung out with on occasion just the two of us (we actually hang out a lot, but usually with a group of friends) and Darling Husband has had no problem with it. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee

    I can think about an exception or two but generally, the answer is No!

    Post # 42
    Member
    7371 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I refuse to be part of a relationship  where adults babysit each other. I’m fully capable of hanging out solo with males without falling on their peniss. So I expect the same from my partner.  I couldn’t care less about his solo tine with another female.

    Post # 43
    Member
    98 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Wow some people here have trust issues.  I can’t understand why in the world anyone would feel that just being near someone of the opposite sex can lead to a “bad situation”.  If you trust your partner, you shouldn’t be worried.  And the “it’s not that I don’t trust him, I don’t trust HER” arguement is pretty silly in my opinion, because even if said girl tried something, wouldn’t you trust your SO to stop it?  My very best friend in the world is a big, hulking guy.  I routinely hang out with him, alone, at his house.  Does my fiance have a problem with it? No, because he trusts me.  Reverse the situation, not a problem at all, because I trust him.  I think if this is actually an issue for you, there are deeper root causes that you should look into, instead of labelling every friend who is not of the same sex as a predator.  

    Post # 45
    Member
    79 posts
    Worker bee

    We are not married or engaged yet, but I voted for the third option. I would probably say it in a funny/srcastic way though 🙂 I must admit, I wouldn’t be jumping with joy if my boyfriend suddenly started lunching with a new female friend… I think this is mainly bacause it would be a very unusual situation for us as we don’t really have many (if any) close opposite sex friends that aren’t in a relationship or aren’t friends with both of us if that makes sense. If we are talking a long-term friend that was possibly there before we even started going out over 2 years ago, I’d be OK with it. I think it’s more about how much I trust “Anna” rather than your partner for me. The thought of him spending time with the friend I don’t know (and therfore don’t trust) or someone who might have a secret agenda would make me uncomfortable.

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