(Closed) Husband hanging with female friend alone?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Husband tells you he is meeting his friend Anna for lunch. What do you say?
    "Hahahahahahahaha no" : (53 votes)
    17 %
    "Ok honey, have fun" : (175 votes)
    55 %
    "Anna better be a man, or we have a problem" : (22 votes)
    7 %
    **DEATH STARE** : (17 votes)
    5 %
    "I would feel better if I came along" : (26 votes)
    8 %
    Other : (23 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 46
    3449 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    valentine2016:  the answer is no. Not because I personally give a crap, but because my husband made it clear extremely early in our relationship that he wasn’t down with me socializing one-on-one with other men. I didn’t really care for that condition of his, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker so I acquiesced. And uruh, what’s good for the goose is good for the *&^%ing gander.

    Post # 47
    557 posts
    Busy bee

    If I know her, it’s totally okay, unless he wants to hang out with her alone all the time. My husband has a few good female friends he still knows from highschool, and I wouldn’t mind at all if he goes to the movies or dinner alone with one of them. I trust him, and I trust them. I wouldn’t like it either if my hubby would try to forbid me to hang out with my male friends.

    Post # 48
    151 posts
    Blushing bee

    If the woman was someone my husband knew before we were together, and they had never dated, and there was never any attraction on either side…. only then would that would be ok.

    If my fiance told me he was going out with someone who hasnt been a longtime friend, and is somone he could potentially be attracted to, or vice versa,  I would ask questions. Group lunches with coworkers are different. Solo lunches with coworkers is a gray area. Seemingly innocent and perhaps due to happenstance, yet enjoying time alone with someone new and different from your spouse is a danger zone for a marriage. At least in my mind.

    A man recently asked me out to dinner, telling me he wanted to return the favor for something I helped him with. I declined. The idea of going out with someone other than my fiance sounds awkward. It didn’t seem right. Is a lunch that much different than dinner? 

    If you are ok with this, than bravo for being secure in yourself and your relationship. Truth be told, I am insecure, so maybe that’s why I would be concerned.



    Post # 49
    4943 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    valentine2016:  I am extremely comfortable. Many times my husband will go get drinks or dinner with former coworkers, childhood friends, etc. I have no problem with this. In fact, one of them is a friend from high school who is also a former coworker who he also had a “friends with benefits” relationship with several years prior to us meeting. I’m still ok with it. She’s an awesome girl and I am proud to call her my friend now, too. 🙂 

    Post # 50
    2021 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My husband has lots of female friends – I trust him completely. He has never given me a reason not to. 

    Post # 51
    8099 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    valentine2016:  I’m firmly in the “go have fun honey!” camp because my husband and I both have lots of friends of the opposite sex and it’s never been a big deal to us. Honestly if he were to mess around then that’s not because I “allowed” him to have female friends – it’s because he’s a sack of garbage that was going to cheat no matter what and I’d rather find that out and leave sooner rather than later! 

    Post # 52
    1265 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    Totally depends.  If it’s a coworker during the work week?  Fine. Close friend (who, by default, I would know)?  Fine. Recently met while out?  Hell no.  

    ETA – this made me think about last Valentines Day (a Saturday) when I was out of town with one male coworker and we got dinner. Bit awkward, but Darling Husband totally understood. 

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  RedWine13.
    Post # 53
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    FI’s partner and friend at work is a woman, and I met Fiance originally through his best friend who is my Maid/Matron of Honor. I’d be uncomfortable if either of them had romantic feelings towards him (they tend to think of him as “ick, weird, just friends”), and I’d definitely be uncomfortable if he had romantic feelings towards them. I’ve actually never met his work partner and it’s not been an issue.

    Post # 54
    6630 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I have a male friend from an old hobby that I meet for either lunch or dinner whenever I happen to be in his town (about twice a year).  I’d be a hypocrite to the extreme if I had a problem with my husband doing the same.  Friends are friends no matter the gender.

    For what it’s worth, my husband hasn’t got any gal pals anyway, but if he did that would be the case.  Even if it bugged a little bit (who knows, since it’s never been an issue), I wouldn’t say no.

    Post # 55
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    valentine2016:  as long as it wasnt a regular occurance that happened suddenly.. Guess its better that he would be telling you that he is going instead of doing it without your knowledge. You should be able to have friends of the opposite sex, but I think that we need to make sure it doesnt turn into an emotional affair. I believe that those can happen even when you least expect it, so this is a cautious situation. 

    I have friends of the opposite sex, but those are the type of friends Ill chat with when I see them at the bar or comment on their/my facebook posts with.. I wouldnt ever really be interested in seeing them elsewhere, I guess ive just never had the interest in that. 

    Post # 56
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    But i agree, it does depend on the past this person has with them. also if shes hotter than me.. I might be a little jelly 😉 kidddddinngg. 

    Post # 57
    6834 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I have absolutely no problem with it. And it would be kind of ridiculous if I did, considering my best friend is a guy. And we hang out alone all the time. 

    I completely trust my Fiance and just as he trusts me. We know that no one else is a threat to our relationship. 

    Post # 58
    693 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    valentine2016:  my Fiance works for a borough with 2 somewhat older women who he has a good relationship with… one is an amazing baker and sends home treats for him all the time and he occassionally takes them out to lunch. it doesn’t phase me in the slightest.

    But, if my Fiance told me he was going to lunch with the new (young) girl the police dept hired or something… i would probably be uncomfortable. but, it would also raise the red flag because it’s very uncharacteristic of my Fiance. you know? 

    alternatively, i am 26 and work for 2 male partners in their 30’s who are attractive, friendly guys and it’s just the 3 of us in the office and they will take me out to lunch or the we all went up the street for an impromptu “holiday party” which was just margaritas and nachos lol but i am friendly with their wives and there is nothing even remotely shady going on. 

    i think it all just really depends on the specific situation and people involved. 

    Post # 59
    2180 posts
    Buzzing bee

    SilverWire:  Came in to say this! I guess we’re stuck making friends with houseplants. 

    My SO has friendships with women that predate our relationship, and friendships with women that don’t. It would be ridiculous of me to tell him who he can and can’t socialize with. I know the bar is hilariously low but it’s refreshing to know that my dude is capable of being a genuinely wonderful friend without there being any weird alterior motive or treating the friendships he has with women as less valuable than the ones he has with men. Plus they’re all awesome people and he’s the reason I got to meet them in the first place!

    Post # 60
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

    Depends I guess.  We have several mutual female friends that I’d be 100% okay with him going to lunch with.  

    I think where my discomfort would come into play would be if I didn’t know the woman.

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