(Closed) Husband has new girlfriend while caring for his wife with Alzheimer's

posted 9 months ago in Married Life
Post # 136
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

awholenewbee2019 :  I don’t know whether you’re not understanding the point, or just ignoring it so you can rant some more but whatever. Yep, you’re still going to post. And I’m still going to call you out on your ignorant, sexist views. And I’ll do it with a sense of decorum, unlike you.

Post # 138
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

(comment moderated for repeating violation of TOS above) 

awholenewbee2019 :  I haven’t insulted you (or started any threads wtf?), but I’m the nasty bitch psycho?  

Mods, can you do something about this user because this is absurd.

Post # 139
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee

The aspect that rubs me the wrong way about this situation is the girlfriend living in the home. I feel like that is a line that should not be crossed while the wife is still living. She may not be “all there” but she is still there.

Post # 141
Hostess
9628 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

awholenewbee2019 :  Actually you’re not going to post anymore. We require a certain level of respect for others. Hopefully a temporary account ban will help you understand this.

Post # 142
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

In general I support people doing what makes them happy. My grandfather took care of my grandmother in their home for as long as he could while she had Alzheimer’s (I want to say ~5 years). After she passed, he moved on quickly and unfortunately a lot of the family resented him for it.

In this case, the exploitative nature of it is what makes me uncomfortable. Want to have a girlfriend? Cool, but why does the world need to know about your new “modern family” where you and your new girlfriend are shacking up with your wife who is supposedly none the wiser? And especially because B is someone who was in the public eye I just wish he’d had more respect for her legacy than to parade her around in newspapers when shes so vulnerable. It just feels gross to me and makes me feel like his intentions are less than noble.

Post # 143
Member
9806 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

DrAtkins :  You are the Rodney Dangerfield of the bee. 😕

 

Post # 144
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Looks like they are taking lovely care of the poor lady with Alzheimer’s. It is an unconventional situation but it is working. So far, as Alzheimer’s patients can become too much to keep at home eventually, so they do sometimes have to be “tossed in a home”.

I have 22 years of nursing home management experience. Taking care of an Alzheimer’s patient is a dirty, hard thing to do. It turns caregiving family into limp dishrags, once loving family into husks of resentment. They find the idea that it is “rewarding” to be hilarious jokes. 

If this arrangement is working for the 3 of them, bless them. Better this than a bitter unhappy husband at the end of his rope and coming to hate his once happy marriage and wife.

Post # 147
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee

ladyjane123 :  i wonder what his motive is for this “arrangement”. I do not believe it is out of the goodness of his heart, bc if it was, I think he would be bit more discreet about it. I think it is related to money/assets, which makes this whole thing awkward to see.

Post # 148
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Well I don’t think there should be any more publicity about this arrangement, I do believe it should go back to being a private matter, not talk show fodder. 

We will never know, if this man would have sought out another woman if his wife hadn’t gotten Alzheimer’s. Actually I have more respect for the arrangement as it is now, with the girlfriend being a co-caregiver, than I would if the husband were simply seeking out an occasional date and piece of tail.

The day might come when they cannot handle her care anymore and she must be placed in a facility. But for now, this is a happy situation, and that means a lot to a patient.

Post # 149
Member
12096 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

In one of the Twitter comments someone said that in the book they wrote together B. Smith says that she once slapped Dan in the middle of their restaurant because he thought she wouldn’t remember that he was flirting with a customer. I didn’t realize that the flirting that’s been mentioned was going on after the diagnosis and openly, all because Dan underestimated B.

The question some reporters seem to be dancing around is if even in view of her worsening condition and inability to communicate normally, she’s consistently and totally as unaware as Dan makes her out to be. 

I have all the empathy in the world for caregivers but the more I hear about this, including next week’s “ interview” the less respect I have for everyone involved and how they are handling this. 

Post # 150
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

ladyjane123 :  I can understand that the woman he married is not there anymore, and he needs to get his relationship needs met elsewhere.  

But there is something icky about having her living in the same house as his wife though I can’t quite put my finger quite on it.  I would be okay with my husband finding love again if I’d lost the capacity to love him, but I wouldn’t be okay with knowing I’d be interacting with the girlfriend in the future, even if I will not recognise what she is at the time. I also very much disagree with publicising his wife’s condition, long after she has lost the ability of informed consent. 

I’m assuming they are quite well off financially.  I don’t understand why this is their only option.  Surely she would be better off in the care of specialised nurses at home, and he could come visit every day, while living in another house with his girlfriend? 

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