- Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle
I’ve been on both sides of this.
I’m my first marriage my ex was the factor, or so we thought, as he had an extremely low sperm count, with almost no normal ones.
I was 22 years old and nothing came out from my tests, so we were convinced that was the only problem.
He took it pretty hard, but was also the kind of person to bury things under the rug instead of facing them, so all the pain kept festering and worsening, while he refused to even have a conversation about it.
Infertility was not the main reason that ended our marriage, but was the tipping point of him showing his true colors.
Now, I’m the one who’s infertile. I might have been infertile all along, we don’t know yet. Nothing still came out from all the tests, but we did 2 ivf/embryo transfer with no results. In September we are having another and running another bunch of more invasive tests.
I’m about to turn 35 and what has been saving me so far is my husband reaction to all of this. He’s been my rock, my unwavering support and, most importantly, he’s been completely open and candid about what he feels, how he’s facing everything and how he doesn’t blame me at all.
Openness is a saving grace in this situations. Talk about everything ;your feelings, your fears, your hopes, your planes.
Find a plan b, and a plan c, that works for the both of you. Don’t feel forced to agree to something you are not comfortable with just to please him, and don’t force him to do the same,but also give yourselves time to reflect on the alternatives and what they would mean to you.
We came to the conclusion that, as a couple, adoption is not for us. Should ivf keep on failing, we will probably travel to Spain to try with a donor eggs.
There is no right or wrong answer to this, you just have to be honest and open with each other and have each others back.
Good luck and a hug.