(Closed) Husband in Medicine (or other demanding field) and Having a Baby

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

@winniewolf:  My husband is a lawyer and works similarly demanding hours.  Before the baby I was also a corporate litigator in the same kind of lifestyle.   After the baby, we decided that I would stay home full time with the baby.  I actually love being a Stay-At-Home Mom.  Not sure if you have considered this (or even if you can) but it is so wonderful to have one person home full time.  If you can believe it, even though we added a baby our life is less stressful than before baby.  It’s not a choice everyone can make, but for us it is wonderful.  We live a much reduced lifestyle from before (we cut our income in half) but it has been totally worth it.  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

For about 6-8 months a year, my husband works (at minimum) 60 hour weeks, often working weekends, and sometimes goes on nights for a couple months at a time.  He’s also aways on-call, and sometimes has to go into work on his (few) days off.  It’s hard because I pretty much function as a single parent during those months (minus the emotional and financial support), and we don’t have any family nearby to help out.  I’m really looking forward to quitting work once #2 comes because I just don’t know how I would handle being responsible for 2 while working full-time and going to grad school when he’s not available to help. 

Basically, when you have to, you learn to just do what needs to be done, but it’s not always easy.  If you have family close by, or any close friends (especially other mom friends), I really recommend utilizing them as much as possible.  It can get really lonely, sometimes, when it’s just the baby and me for a whole week at a time, and it’s nice to have someone else to talk to and visit with.  Also, probably my biggest complaint is just that it can be really exhausting being responsible for everything baby and house-related, all the time.  If you have someone who can watch your little one for a couple hours every now and then while you get stuff done around the house or just for a break when you need it, take them up on the offer!  Even just a couple hours a month will help you feel refereshed and better prepared to take on the challenges a baby will bring.  🙂

Post # 5
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

I second Mrs. Spring’s advice that if you are alone with baby, find activities outside the home so you can talk to other people.  It can get lonely. 

Post # 6
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@chicagowife:  I’ll just go ahead and second your advice that, if you can and want to, being a Stay-At-Home Mom may be the best choice, with a partner in  a demanding career field, like medicine.  I know Mrs. DG is also in medicine, and her partner is a full-time Stay-At-Home Dad and works part-time from home; she said it’s been a wonderful arrangement for them.

Post # 7
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My Darling Husband is a litigator who also works 60+ hours a week, works weekends and is expected to always be on call via his blackberry. We are currently 29 weeks pregnant, and given his demanding schedule I will be becoming a Stay-At-Home Mom once the baby arrives. Otherwise, neither of us would ever see the baby. As it is, he won’t ever see the baby M-F except for a brief period in the morning. And, if I continued to work, neither of us would see the baby M-F as we wouldn’t be home in time to put the baby to bed in the evenings. Becoming a weekday “single parent” is the sacrifice that we decided needed to be made in order to protect our baby. Am I scared about the lack of adult social interaction? Absolutely. But, I will have to find other moms in my position to make friends with and socalize with.

Post # 9
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@winniewolf:  It sounds like reducing your hours is best for your family, and hey, I’ve been doing it for a year and a half, so I think it’s totally possible.  And it’s great you have some family nearby to help out.  🙂

It’s not as bad as it seems.  I think, looking in from the outside it looks completely overwhelming, but when you HAVE to do it, you just buckle down and power through.  Not easy, but completely doable!

Post # 10
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

My husband’s still got a bit to go.  He’s doing his MD/PhD and is writing his thesis/finishing experiments but then has the last 2 years of med school still remaining then residency (though he promised no surgery).  I’ve had my PhD for a few years and have done a bit of post-docing but havent really loved it so right now I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom till I figure things out.  It means we’re living off of his stipend (luckily his schooling gets paid for and he gets paid to go to school, but it’s a grad stipend we’re living off of).  But so far it’s worked, we both have savings, which occassionally we’ll dip into but nothing major, and even though it’s still years down the road we won’t always be making this little money.  So for now this is what works for us, I’m not working in a place I don’t want to and get to enjoy being a mommy and he’s busy but even though he works a lot he has lots of happy baby time since I’m home taking care of stuff.  We’ll make money later.  

Post # 11
Member
2808 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We are going to start TTC after the wedding in May and this is something that had already crossed my mind. Between his odd hours, traveling every other month, and his weight-cutting cycles I am worried. We have lots of family in the area, which is nice, but I’m actually more concerned about the amount of responsibility I would have to shoulder when he is home but is toward the end of his cycle. He can barely take care of himself when he’s at that point, let alone a needy little baby. I’ll be interested to see what you all have to say.

Post # 12
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

My Darling Husband is a corporate attorney who works 60-80 hours a week… we aren’t TTC yet, but I’m looking forward to hearing more responses on this thread because I definitely wonder how we’ll manage when we have a little one.  Any Bees with a baby dealing with this situation currently?

Post # 14
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Fiance is starting his IM residency next year then wants to do a GI fellowship afterwards; we decided just to nix the baby plans for at least the 6 years he is training (and possibly more).  

He was considering ortho for awhile and I have to admit I was less than pleased about that.  

Kudos to your Fiance for finishing surgery residency!! I want to give him a hug for that accomplishment!

Post # 16
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@winniewolf:  Ugh, that’s so hard!  I’m worried about what happens when we have our baby as Darling Husband is a civil engineer and works 12 hr days M-F and then three Saturdays a month as well, not to mention his 1.5 hr commute round trip each day.  I know that’s not quite as bad as your DH’s hours but I can relate.  I’m really worried about feeling like a single parent but it’s just the way things are right now and I’m trying to get used to it.

We recently moved to a new city in Australia where we know absolutely no one.  We had been living in Brisbane where DH’s brother lives and we had a really good friend network there.   Here, we’re feeling pretty isolated.  All of my family is in the US and most of DH’s family is now back in the UK, so I am really worried about coping alone.  Fortunately, my mom is flying out for about 8 weeks (give or take a few) after the birth of the baby but after that, it’s going to be hard.

On the plus side, we are planning on moving back to the nothern hemisphere by the end of next year, when the baby will be approximately 5 – 6 months old, so we will be living closer to either his family or mine, depending on where we go.  It’s just the interim that is going to be really hard.

Also on the positive (or maybe not so positive side) is that I’m not currently working – I’d just been offered a job in Brisbane when we found out we were moving.  We found out a few days later I was pregnant so now I’m not even looking for a position.  It means I’ll be able to be a Stay-At-Home Mom but it also means I’m missing out on opportunities to meet people now.  

So I guess the point of this long, rambling post is to basically say that I understand your feeling and am sharing some of the same worries!

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