Post # 47
He fits every criteria of a covert narcissist! That’s what’s wrong. The anxiety. The being “above’ helping with adulting or boring tasks like budgeting. The demanding that I never criticize him or give him any feedback for anything ever.
Steps: I’ve started to take my own little vacations and trips. Trying to thrive while being unemployed. . I see how miserable single friends are and I do not want that feeling of not having someone to call if sick or injured you know? and shouldering all expenses alone? But yes I will be having a wandering eye to see who else might be skipping along!
Post # 49
I was married to a narcissist and divorcing him was the best decision I have made in my life. I would choose to be single and alone for the rest of my life over spending another minute with him.
But you do you.
Post # 50
Get a roommate if you don’t want to shoulder all expenses alone. And if this guy is a narcissist, then he doesn’t CARE if you’re sick or injured–because he doesn’t care about you or anyone else.
Post # 51
You’re going to stay with him while looking for someone else??? What kind of solution is that? Either end it or work on the relationship.
Post # 52
Well this was not the update I was hoping for :/
Post # 53
Um. So you’re up for seeing who else may be “skipping along”. The thing is, the kind of guy who skips along a married woman isn’t one worth having.
But perhaps you need to discover that on your own.
Post # 54
How is being miserable in a bad marriage better than being single? That makes no sense at all. If it truly is as bad as you say then just think of all the stress and frustration that will be lifted from you if you’re not in this relationship anymore.
Based on the way you talk about him and the marriage I’m starting to think that his behavior might be more of a reaction to how he is being treated than him just being a narcissist. And why is it such a trend now to label everyone who behaves in ways we don’t like a narcissist? Some people are just assholes, not someone with a true psychiatric diagnosis.
Post # 55
Apparently everyone we don’t get along with is a narcissist these days. I dated a diagnosed narcissist for over six years. Even though he wasn’t always a good person, I never dreamed of using him for a paycheck, nor did I feel he deserved to be cheated on. This is one of those threads where I would love to hear your husband’s side of the story.
Post # 56
Getting married to the wrong person is not a “win.” You’re viewing life through the wrong lens and too worried about what others think. You need to take care of yourself and your actual life.
Post # 57
you being scared to be single and pull the trigger on the divorce is not an excuse for you to be checking out other men / possibly pursuing them. if you are at the point where you’ve rationalized this to yourself please do him the respect of leaving him. he will likely be happier alone or with someone else and its clear you would be too. you being scared to be single is not an excuse to actively be sabotaging your marriage. if you are really leaning on him while you’re unemployed maybe you should grow to appreciate him and genuinely treat him well and be more understanding of his mental health struggles and less into him pursuing enough hobbies to be interesting to you or you should leave him and let him find someone who appreciates him for him and you find someone to do your travels with, etc
Post # 58
Narcissism is becoming more and more prevalent and empathy is going down. A lot of it has to do with the rise of social media.
We all have some sort of narcissistic tendencies. That’s just being human. Some more than others. You don’t have to be diagnosed with NPD to be a narcissist.
Post # 59
You are kidding yourself if you think being single is more depressing than being married to a narcissist. You are telling yourself your single friends are miserable out of a desperate urge to persuade yourself your own situation isn’t as bad. It’s a lie though.
What you’re doing is clinging to the familiar out of fear of the unknown. And worse yet, you’re looking for a new partner before you work up the courage to leave your current one? That means you’re setting your next relationship up for failure too. Come on lady! Woman up! Take control over your life and stop living in fear. You can do this.
Post # 60
You need to work on your character and your maturity. No matter how bad your marriage is, you have no business looking elsewhere for a new guy as long as you’re married. You need to s*** or get off the pot.
Post # 61
How about putting that vacation money into a fund to begin establishing autonomy and independence? I’d rather spend the rest of my life single than still be married to my ex-husband and was completely willing to do so. So, your husband must not be so bad after all?
Shopping around for a new man/men while you are still married is just as shitty as anything your husband is doing, and the type of people you’ll collect are not going to be prizes. Are you in therapy?