- 11 months ago
I have been married for a year and a half and we’ve run into a few hiccups.
Actually, the issues started long before we got married but I chose to ignore them, which, as well all know is a terrible idea. First time I noticed a ‘red flag’ was when I was shopping with my sister (lets call her Jane). Jane and I were shopping for lingerie together. The reason being was that it was the first time I planned to make love with my (now) husband (lets call Dan). At that point, Dan and I had only been dating a few weeks but Jane and Dan had dated before so she knew what kinds of things he liked and I figured she could help. We were rifling through the wares when she pulled out a green Teddy and said ‘Dan will like this’. While this might not be a huge issue for some, it had a special significance about it. When I first met Dan, he said he absolutely hated it when women wore the color green. He said it reminded him of gross things. So the fact that Jane thought he would like it; was he really presenting himself accurately to me? I didn’t bring this up to her. I let it go.
Second thing, was our first big road-trip together. He asked if I would prepare a playlist. I thought, great! We are both very big fans of Lou Bega, Aaron Carter and Garth Brooks, so I figured that would be the majority of the songs. I downloaded Aaron Carter’s Greatest Hits, a few Garth Brooks songs and Lou Bega live. The roadtrip was about three hours. I thought he was enjoying the playlist, but when we got to our destination he said he didn’t like what I put together. He was pissy about it. I thought eventually he would get over it-but I was very wrong. A few hours after arriving, we were enjoying dinner with our friends when the subject of Aaron Carter came up. Dan chastised me for downloading the Greatest Hits and not just his earlier albums from the early 2000’s. The friends we were dining with went along with it, saying I wasn’t a real fan etc. I was hurt and embarrassed, but let it go. What else was I supposed to do? He eventually let it go as well.
So, this is where the real problem arrives. I believe he is cheating on me. I have found evidence that he has stepped outside the bounds of our marriage and has had an affair with someone-I am thinking a coworker of his I have always had my suspicions about. I’ve found suspicious texts (I am not proud of snooping), receipts and make-up that does not belong to me. I have discussed this with my mother and sister both. My mother suggested I confront the girl I am suspicious about and my sister agreed I should do that. My sister was so enraged at the thought that Dan could be doing this, that she told me she would go fight the girl if I wanted her to. Which, for the record, I don’t.
So after thinking long and hard about it, I decided to confront Dan. In a very calculated manner, I presented him the evidence. He denied an affair but did say he was attracted to the coworker I suspected. I asked how we were going to move forward with this, and he said he wanted to go to counseling. So, we go to counseling and he tells the counselor he thinks I am attracted to a friend we met at a Garth Brooks concert in Oklahoma! He said the way my eyes ‘light up’ anytime this friend (lets call him George) is mentioned is disturbing for him. Specifically, he said the reason he is particualrly repulsed by this is because he thinks that means I am attracted to “rednecks”. He said men from Oklahoma are usually cowboy, rodeo types and he wants to make sure I am not attracted to that. He said my perceived attraction to George is what led him to his attraction to his coworker. I was shocked and dumbfounded. I assured him that I am not attracted to George, nor am I attracted to cowboy types. Furthermore, I reminded him that that is not true. Oklahoma City is actually very urban, they don’t have accents etc. He said it sounded like I was defending them. Whatever. I can’t win! My sister is furious at him (perhaps angrier than I am, if that’s even possible) and I am staying with her now. Help!