(Closed) Husband is disappointed and I'm trying to be a good wife, but c'mon!

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
214 posts
Helper bee

@swanks4tw:  girl i feel you. my fiance’s birthday is tuesday and he is A HUGE gamer. 

but get this. so i had to preorder the system in august to be able to get “first dibs”

he worked last night and HAD ME TO STAND ON LINE FOR IT. not once, not twice but THREE times.

i had to go at 6 to “pay the remainder”, then back at 10 to be “assigned a number” then at midnight to wait outside in 40 degree weather for a half hour to FINALLY pick up the system.

to THEN go home and realize they overcharged me by $100! 

YAY FOR GUYS!!!!!!!!!!

Post # 5
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I struggle a lot with this too.  My Fiance loves to buy himself expensive things.  Sometimes they aren’t expensive, sometimes it’s just so many little things that it ADDS UP FAST.

I try hard to remember that he works hard for his money and he contributes to the household per an agreement we had made.  So I can’t dictate what he does with his money.  I’m not sure if 100% of your combined income is shared or not.  Ours is not 100% combined, so he does have “his” money that he can do whatever he wants with.  Do I wish he’d spend it on more practical things?  Absolutely!  Does it get me angry when he pisses (IMO…) money away on something for his car, or something for his gun? Oh my GOSH yes!  Especially when I am working my butt off to pay down our debts so we can buy a house sooner. But I always have to remind myself, he is contirbuting based on our pre-arranged plan… He is doing what we agreed… I cannot boss him around.  If he wants to waste his extra money on toys then that’s his prerogative.  It is hard, and I still struggle with keeping my mouth shut and not showing frustration/disappointment.  

Post # 6
214 posts
Helper bee


Post # 7
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Fiance wants to buy the new Xbox when it comes out, I am trying really hard to stop it!  He needs a new car, and doesn’t even have time to play on it!  I don’t even know the last time I saw him use the one he has!  I told him by the time his schedule isn’t so crazy and he will have time to play games there will be another new one!

Post # 8
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Tybee Island, GA

oooo girl!

My Darling Husband was first to preorder the ps4 too!

Just this past weekend i talked him out of it to wait because NOBODY (his friends) have it, so he’ll have NOBODY to play with!

He went and got his $100 preorder money:) lol he isnt the least bit mad especially now hearing that the PS4 isnt all it’s cracked up to be ๐Ÿ˜‰ bahahaha

I’m sorry though! It’s definatley one of them “I told you so” moments… but boys will be boys! My Darling Husband has done turned his focus to a 70″ Smart TV…. idk how in the world to talk him out of that one! LOL

Post # 9
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Definitely deep breaths for now. That said, maybe it would be helpful for the future to start thinking of these big purchases as shared decisions, rather than hig buying whatever he fancies and leaving you to figure out the rest of the budget. I know it can be hard to tell your spouse that a purchase decision is unwise, and even harder to flat out veto it. But if it’s not in line with jointly established budget priorities (e.g. preparing for your upcoming child raising experience!), then sometimes you just have to do it.

We have these issues at times. Mr. LK likes expensive things that he rarely uses. A “cheap” one of his things is $1k. Last year he was in a bit of a frenzy and was spending a lot on this hobby, and we had to have a teeny come to jesus talk. I sat him down with our accounts up on the screen and a print out of the financial goals we had agreed upon at the beginning of the year, and I pointed out to him how his expenditures were negatively impacting our account balance and our progress toward achieving our goals. That was all I needed to do. When I showed him in black and white (and with a very calm demeanor) what effect his purchases were having on us as a family, he voluntarily put the brakes on. he even volunteered to return some stuff, but we ultimately decided that he would keep everything and not spend another penny. It worked for us, and maybe it could work for you? Just a thought.  

Post # 10
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If he intended to make a big purchase, shouldn’t it have been discussed with you prior to? If this isn’t how things work with you guys, I would recommend to start having conversations before making big purchases. You can’t really be upset after the fact when you didn’t tell him your honest thoughts beforehand.



Post # 11
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@swanks4tw:  Not married yet, but planning a wedding, which is 6-months away.  CUE spending freakout/budget inducing panic attacks from me.  Especially since I am adding up wedding AND Christmas AND my FI’s birthday (which is next month)!

Pardon my SHOCK when Fiance explains me to me WHY he NEEDS to purchase a $1500 four wheeler asap.  You know, so he can make extra money plowing, and you know, because it is a great steal, and he can eventually spruce it up and sell it for more ๐Ÿ™‚ 

TECHNICALLY, it is HIS money, and well, he works his *ss off, and we are not swimming in any debt, and are comfortable.  But, money IS flying out of our pockets right now too!! 

In the end, I sucked up my fears, and was supportive of his – in my opinion – dumb purchase.  I just told him that this purchase will never be used against me, the holidays or our wedding ๐Ÿ™‚  I.e., I am not cutting corners in those areas because he spent this money now.  He agreed, and said we would be fine. 

For YOU, I think your irritation is completely valid.  There is nothing you can do about him spending the money NOW, but no ONE – including yourself should suffer because of it.  He has to agree to those terms, instead of ‘cutting Christmas’ or whatever. 

Post # 13
3565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I feel your pain! 

My Darling Husband is a huge gamer.  He pre-ordered the new Xbox One months ago, and all he’s been talking about is that he can’t wait until next Friday. 

We just bought a house, so he’s been pulling a little overtime here and there to pay for the new Xbox, and also sold all of his 360 games and console so that the money he’s spending on this won’t come out of our budget for things we want to do around the house. 

By The Way, Darling Husband is also a computer programmer and game designer, and he says that the PS4 is already having issues/bugs that will need to be fixed in future updates.  I’m sure your Darling Husband knows “you were right”, that’s probably why he’s so defensive.  

Post # 14
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

If he’s not thrilled with it and it’s in short supply sell it on craigslist. You should be able to get all your money back. Then re-buy later when money’s not so tight. 

Post # 15
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

@swanks4tw:  Have you guys sat down and worked out your budget yet?  Meaning, does he have a certain amount of “play money” (that’s what I call it, haha), and a certain amount that goes to savings, and then the required amount for bills?  That has helped us a lot.  Just because he pulls a majority of the financial weight doesn’t mean he should be able to spend a majority of the money without regard for your family situation.  

EDIT for clarity:  I’m sure you have a budget.  What I really meant was have you guys sat down and figured out expenses together versus letting him control a bulk of the money without consulting you?



Post # 16
58 posts
Worker bee

Money problems are the most common reason given for divorce. You need to talk to him about this. This can’t be something he does every year.

There is hope though. My SO used to spontaneously drop a ton of money on impulsive buys (like the time he came home with a snowmobile,  facepalm). It took a lot of talking but he has finally become more frugal. Nowadays he would never buy a snowmobile without talking to me first (and he earns all the money! ) We’re not even married yet but he considers his money, our money.

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