Post # 32
@missbbc : But isn’t it pointless to get upset with someone over something they have no control over? I think communication is key in this situation. I think you misunderstood the OP and you might want to re-read it. 🙂
Post # 33
Jenn23 Before we married, we both talked about our past. I was working and had met a guy there. We still continue to talk and be friends and my husband worries I will cheat on him with the guy I still talk to as ONLY a FRIEND. My husband has been cheated on in his past, yes. He’s let every single of his “old flames” go. (I.E. doesn’t keep in close contact with any of them). I don’t talk to the guy everyday, just every few weeks or months. We don’t call, just email. The guy I met at work isn’t an “old flame”, he’s a friend. My husband can’t seem to understand why I still talk to this friend of mine. While I was working, (the guy is an IT Specialist) came to the office I worked in to fix our computer network and spent several weeks there. Naturally, we would run into each other at different times of the day and we would sometimes go to lunch, as friends and only that. My husband just doesn’t understand this. I’m interested in computers, although I don’t know much about them in that aspect, I can do a lot of things on them. I’ve even recently considered going back to school for a 4 year degree in IT or something of that nature.
We were dating for a year then got engaged on that anniversary. We just married in April, so a year and a month and a half.
Christie I’m not sure how or if he wants this to be resoloved. We’ve both always been quick to resolved any issue that has arised. We’ve never let it linger on and on. I’ve always been quick to come up with a solution.
He was cheated on in the past, yes. I know for a fact that he isn’t cheating on me. He’s always at work and comes right home after. We go a lot of places together too.
Thanks bees for all of the advice!
Post # 34
I talk about somebody named Mike in my sleep sometimes. I always have, even as a kid. My mom would always ask me, “do you know a Mike?” and i really didn’t go to school with any Mikes so I always thought it was strange. Sure enough, i was talking in my sleep awhile back. Dh thought it was super weird and asked who it was. I said I had no idea, i’ve been doing it forever!DH does weird things in his sleep, too–like once i woke up and he was holding my engagement ring, telling me we’d fix it, it’s okay, no problem, he’s sorry the stone broke. But we laugh about it in the mornings.
Anyways, as someone who talks about a Mike in her sleep, I would be upset if my husband threw it in my face all the time. He may be upset, hurt, and insecure, but he’s also a grown man and you just have to trust the person you’re with and say, “i trust you. I’ll let it go”. If he cannot trust, it’ll eat away at your relationship.
Throwing things up in my face is really a big problem with me. If i say something, I expect my husband to believe me. Not second guess me or expect me to beg him to believe me or have to force him to see my side.
Post # 35
Hey doll. So sorry you’re going through this.
To be fair, I understand why your husband is upset. I wouldn’t want to hear my (future) husband saying the names of other women in his sleep!
What I don’t understand, though, is why he can’t forgive you for this. I’m guessing that he thinks the male name(s) represent real people in you life. He’s scared you’ve developed attachments elsewhere. I know this is frustrating, but don’t forget that he’s feeling this way because he loves you. 🙂
Because you can’t help what you say in your sleep, it might be better to focus on not that problem, but the reason your husband is reacting the way he is. If you can work together on helping him to feel reassured about your love and loyalty, the things you say at night shouldn’t matter as much anymore.
I know, easier said than done. Good luck though!!!
Post # 36
To everyone who posted.
Yesterday, I brought up the subject on the phone. He didn’t say much, but I felt better about bringing it up and he wasn’t mad at all!
Post # 37
@go4me77: Ah that is good! Maybe he realizes how silly he is being regarding the whole thing.
Honestly, the Fiance and I both have crazy dreams. Like this morning he woke me up and said “Never leave me.” I was like “Huh? I’m not going anywhere!” Then he tells me he had a dream where I left him, so went to vegas and made a porno with three women and then his mom drove to Vegas to guilt trip him into getting me back. I asked if the girls were hot and he said “Well, yeah it was a porno.” I laughed and said “Well THAT’S why your dream would NEVER happen.”
I just laugh off dreams. Some people think there are significance to dreams and that they are your subconscious trying tell you something. I don’t believe that at all. I think dreams are a chemical reaction that happens because your brain does not want to completely shut down at night (or you would die), so it maintains some sort of thought activity. Dreams are basically just thought garbage to keep your brain a little active.
Hope you get it worked out!
Post # 38
serasvictoria My husband and I looked up some of the crazy ideas behind our dreams one time. I had drempt that someone on a subway in NYC had stolen my purse! He looked up “Stealing objects” and it said something like I was thinking of leaving him! He thinks it’s something to do with your subconscious mind telling you this. I’m like you, dreams are dreams to me, wheather normal or strange.
Post # 39
There’s bunch of things converging together here.
1. You talk in your sleep. While you might not remember your dream, I can’t blame your husband for being upset that you are saying another man’s name. (Even if you can’t control it.) I would be upset too. For all he knows, you could be thinking of someone subconsciously, repeatedly. And I think you should look into getting a therapist to help you stop. Even if he already has insomnia, this can’t make it any better.
2. He has insecurity issues. I think he should see a therapist to work through these problems before they really cause problems for your marriage.
3. Unlike the case, ejs described, your husband won’t even tell you a name. I don’t know if it’s one guy, or different names. How can you look into this without somes clues? Maybe this guy is your deceased grandfather who died before you were born, and you feel like you missed out on his company… I cna only think that he fears if he says the name, it will have meaning to you, and you’ll start to “wonder” about this person.
4. I think you should strike a deal with him. You both go to a therapist for your issues. But in order to fully get to the bottom of things, you need to know the name. I have no idea if there would be importance in dealing with the meaning of having repeated dreams about this man. (I suppose you won’t either, unless he actually says who.) But he needs to deal with his insecurities. And you owe it to him, to try to stop talking in your sleep.