- 5 years ago
Long time bee going anon here, in need of desperate advice. Warning: foul language.
Back story: Met husband, call him J, in early 2010. We were LDR so we moved in together quickly (I did not sign a lease, we did not get a house together, etc). He bought his house in early 2011 (we were living together at the time, not engaged). He proposed in late 2011 and we wed in 2012.
Now: Things between us have been horrible. Someday, I will write a post about all of the anger, the controlling behavior, (today he said fuck off, he flipped me off, in the past has called me a bitch, a pathological liar, that I look like a little boy, etc) but right now that’s not my concern. Right now, my concern is me.
My dream career is X. There are schools in our area who provide training for X, but there are amazing schools within 3 hours of us that I REALLY want to go to. I picked school Y which is 2 hours away, meaning we would have to move, and today he pulled the card, “I am blaming this house on you, this is your fault. We moved here because we were gonna be here five years and you promised we would be. You fucked this up.” I can understand his frustration, but I think we can A) rent this house, B) he can still live in this house and I can go stay in a room down there, C) we weren’t even ENGAGED when he bought this house, and was planning on going to school Y at the time anyway!!!
Here’s the kicker: SCHOOL Y IS CLOSER TO HIS JOB ANYWAY.
School Y is great, but school Z is even better and is farther away. I feel like he is making me pick between him and my education and to be honest, in this day and age, with the economy, my education is more important.
Both of my parents divorced. Twice. It’s not like I’m scared of divorce. I don’t know what I want right now.
He swears up and down that he will move for me. I feel like things are SO bad between us right now already, and he clearly does not want to move so badly that the next three years of our lives are just going to be miserable. I don’t want him to “make this sacrifice” (if we move, he will have made a lot of sacrifices for me to return to school, and I think he underestimated how many sacrifices it would be for me to go to school, but prior to us getting engaged and married, he was fully aware I would be going to school for this and agreed that would be the plan, I didn’t wake up yesterday and decide this is what I want to do) and then us divorce, and he lose his house and us have this messy, horrible divorce. I can’t keep up living this forever.
What would you do? Should I just bend and go to a poorly respected school in our area, limiting job opportunities forever and marketability? Would you leave him and go to the school of your dreams?
Also, School Z is 5 minutes away from family, so that is my backup plan, should it come to that…
To be honest, and to put it simply, I feel like I just got married too young. Before I got my shit together, before I got my life in order, before I got my career in line. I have many regrets right now and I kind of hate myself for it =( Help?? What do I do?!!??