Post # 1
Okay, so I know it is in vogue right now that your spouse be your best friend. But mine isn’t. Is that really a terrible thing?
My fiancé was best friends with his exgirlfriend and he was a little miffed when I told him he wasn’t my best friend after we got engaged. I did tell him he was my partner, confidant, and love and that in someways he and I will be closer than with my best friend… but that to me it is a unique relationship and different to what I share with my best friend.
Why? Because I have a best friend. She’s been with me since high school and through bfs, an ex husband and now my current fiancé. I know that if he died or cheated or we divorced that she’d be the one picking up the pieces.
I think it’s totally normal and healthy to have a husband and a best friend that are two separate people. That it shouldn’t minimize my romantic relationship.
But fiancé tends to worry that there is something wrong if he isn’t my best friend.
But I just kind of look at what happened with his exgf. They broke up and he lost a gf and a best friend. I’m all for him having a best friend who will always be there for him.
(Note: yes, you can have multiple best friends… but I think it’s a special title… and for me the question is would we still be best friends if we broke up? For me the answer is no)
Post # 2
Men tend to place a lot more of their entire social world in their partner. I read an article about this recently. I think it’s normal for him to think of you as his best friend, but it’s also super normal for you to have a female best friend who’s been there for you for your whole life. Both can be right! Don’t feel guilty.
Post # 3
I think, for a lot of people, it’s totally en vogue, but just as a saying.
I’m personally not a fan of the saying (and I’m a pretty mainstream/zeitgeisty kinda gal) and I’m with you on having my other best friends who are–truly–my best friends. I’ve known them far longer than I’ve known my SO. Neither of us have ever been under the guise that we’re each others’ best friends. I know this, too, might sound cliche, but I’m also of the mindset that a significant other transcends “best friendship.” It’s an incredibly different relationship. I’m totally with you on the friendship you have with your significant other being reliant on the success of your romantic relationship as well.
I just wouldn’t put them in the same category ever.
Post # 4
My boyfriend sometimes calls me his best friend. I find it weird. I don’t consider him to be my friend. He is my partner. But I think people use the term because it makes you somehow seem closer.
Post # 5
Nope. It’s not a bad thing. I’m not my SO’s best friend and he isn’t mine. One person can’t be your everything. And like you, I consider my SO a lot of different titles and special roles in my life…he doesn’t need to have all the titles and all the roles. I’ve had my pets longer than he has been in my life…my condo, my car, my job, and most of my friends all pre-date him as well. And some of the titles he has and roles he has in my life are closer than a best friend in many ways (I don’t sleep with my best friend or disclose my finances or make joint savings decisions with my best friend in preparation for a life together).
In fact I always find it a little odd when people refer to their SO as their best friend, particularly in the break-up posts where they lament also losing their best friend. I have to wonder if they had no friends prior to meeting their now ex or just didn’t build a life outside of them? I mean cool if they are your best friend, too. Makes no difference to me. It’s fine if they are. But it is also perfectly fine if they are not your best friend.
Post # 6
I’ve known my D H since we were in middle school. He’s also my longest friend and yes I do consider him my best friend. I wouldn’t be that happy to have a spouse that didn’t consider me his best friend but he is obviously allowed to other best friends.
ETA: No if we broke up I would no longer consider him my best friend because we’re best friends and spouses all wrapped up in one but I don’t really see what that hypothetical has to do with considering a spouse a best friend? You can have falling outs with friends too and then obviously they’re not your best friend anymore either.
Yes, you can have multiple best friends… but I think it’s a special title…
Well then it actually doesn’t sound like you think you can have multiple best friends
Post # 7
I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a friend as your best friend, and I do think sometimes when people say their husband is their best friend, they take it too far and it comes off like they have no other friends lol.
That said, I do consider my husband my best friend. I certainly have other friends that I love hanging out with, but he’s still my favourite. There are some things I’d much rather do with my girlfriends though. I don’t invite him along to all our outings or whatever, and I very much enjoy my girl time with them. I don’t have 1 specific best girl-friend though. I have different friends (and some groups, some separate) that I love, but I wouldn’t say that I have 1 person I put on a pedestal (besides my husband).
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2020 - City, State
In my life, I find it to be absolutely unthinkable to have one best friend. And maybe I’m jaded because I was very hurt when my first super close female friend, (who was like a sister to me and definitely a “best friend” in every sense of the word) changed in a bad way. I guess I just feel that spouse is in its own special category and transcends the “best friend” realm.
Post # 10
I don’t really use the term best friend, I find it quite juvenile and it just reminds me of kids using the term. If I was to think about who would be my “best friend” though it would be my husband, I am closer to him than anyone else and usually enjoy hanging out with him above everyone else.
It doesn’t mean he is my only friend, I don’t think people should only have their spouse as their friend but just because someone else calls their spouse their best friend doesn’t mean they are commenting on your relationship.
Post # 11
I don’t blame you lol.
I do think of my husband as a friend as well as a partner because I would be friends with him if we weren’t partners (we were friends prior) BUT he is not my best friend. My best friend is another woman who has shared in a lot of similar struggles as me that I can talk to in ways that I can’t talk to my husband because he doesn’t have that same life experience from a womans perspective.
Post # 12
bibliophilacticbee : I don’t think there is anything wrong with your spouse being your best friend and I think there are relationships where spouses are best friends. I also think people use it as a term to prove how perfect they are with each other and in that instance it always feels phoney to me.
My husband is not, and will never be, my best friend. I’m not his either. I do believe you can have multiple best friends and I do. I fell in love with my best friend, we were friends first and the relationship became more. We went back to being friends when we broke up, and tried to get back to our best friend status but having a relationship together (and me trying to have subsequent relationships) ruined our ability to be best friends. So I did lose (one of) my best friend. It’s hard breaking up with someone and the person you want to help you pick up the pieces. It’s not something I want to replicate again.
Post # 13
I have several best friends (a couple from grad school, another from post doc life, and a couple that I run with), but Darling Husband is not one of them.
Post # 14
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I have 3 best friends, none of them are my husband. He’s my husband. His title is something all its own. It’s like I have 3 best apples, and an orange.
Post # 15
Maybe I’m the odd one out here but my fiancée is 100% my best friend, maybe because we are both women the dynamics are different. I have another best friend who I’ve been friends with for 18 years, who I officially call my best friend. But, myself and my partner often tell each other we’re best friends, because we are. It’s not fake or juvenile, she’s the person I spend most of my spare time with and share everything with, she knows me better than anyone else, so of course she’s my best friend. Why would that be weird or gross?