Husband is your best friend?

posted 3 months ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I feel like the term “best friend” is so stupidly overused. Your husband should be your closest companion, yes. Someone you can go to for anything and everything, all emotions, all pain, all joy. No secrets, no conspiracies – just you and him in a trusting, loving relationship. 

The people I consider my “best friends” are nowhere remotely near this close to my heart. I keep secrets from them, yes. None of them harmful, but am I going to tell them everything that happens in my life? Of course not. Am I going to go to THEM when I feel every emotion under the sun? Sleep with them at night? Kiss them when I’m feeling passionate? Of course not. 

I think the term “best friend” is beneath a spouse. So no, my husband is not my best friend. That would just be a disservice to him. 

Post # 32
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My husband was my best friend before we were together romantically, and I do absolutely feel that we have a prfound friendship woven together with our love. I tend to agree with megm1099 though that “best friend” is actually beneath where I hold my husband. It sounds cliche, but I guess it would best sum it up to say he is my favorite person.  

Post # 33
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

My best friend from childhood and I had a falling out at the end of high school, and while I have close friends, it’s hard to get to that level with someone past undergrad. 

So while we met specifically through dating a dating app with the intention to date, he’s the one I watch shows with (including period dramas… He actually got me into them), play games with, go camping with, confide in. He has a best friend, so I’d say we’re probably both his best friends. 

It’s certainly not a requirement to be best friends with your SO, and I wish I had a platonic best friend if I want to vent. So feel happy that you have a healthy group of people in your life. 😀

Post # 34
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

My husband is my best friend.  We’re not best friends because it’s in vogue, or to make us seem closer to the outside world.  It’s just a natural thing with us.  We were friends for years before we dated and it’s just how we feel about each other. That’s just us though.  Every relationship is different.  

Post # 35
Member
586 posts
Busy bee

Yeah I don’t think of him as a friend at all and he does get upset when I say he’s not my best friend. I have no idea why it upsets him so much. In my opinion they’re completely separate roles and you treat an SO way differently than a best friend. 

Post # 37
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yes, my husband is my best friend. However I also have a female best friend that I’ve known for over 20 years. 

Post # 38
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t go around saying my husband is my best friend, in fact I don’t think I’ve ever uttered those words but he is my best friend. I have longtime close girlfriends that I also don’t go around saying are my best friends, but they are my best friends.  

At present time, with all of our different lives and frequency of getting together and connectedness my husband is my best, best friend.  But this is something that ebbs and flows with my circle’s life stages.  Currently both my husband and I are enjoying a good work/life balance with no kids.  While my closest two girlfriends are juggling A LOT, much more than i am or my husband.  There were several years where this was very different.  And some time in the future it will likely be different again.   

Yeah, if my husband and I split up it would suck also losing my best pal, or one of my best pals. But oh well, what is to do about it?  I enjoy my friendship with my husband a great deal in the meantime.  

I feel like this is an issue that people could really be overthinking.

Post # 39
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I don’t consider my husband my best friend. He’s my closest companion – as much a part of me as my left arm. He’s my everything, my safety, my future. It’s not the same kind of love I feel for my actual best friend, who I have known for almost 20 years. It’s something deeper. There’s a level of trust I have in him I don’t even have in myself, and I can’t say that about any another person. 

 

Post # 40
Member
1159 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

bibliophilacticbee :  I definitrly think your fiance doesn’t have to be your only best friend but I think he should be one of your best friends because honestly what is the point of marrying someone if you can’t confide in them and be one of their best friends. I would feel pretty shitty if my fiance said well sorry babe my best friend will be there pretty much if our relationship fails basically implying that your best friend is always in higher standing because well your marriage can fail but your friendship with your friend can fail as well? I mean it sounds like when you say that to your fiance you have less faith in your relationship lasting with your own future husband than your best friend. Instead I would say to him hey babe your are one of my best friends because I know since I’m about to marry you and exchange vows with you you will be there for me if any of my other friendships go to shit.

Post # 41
Member
6635 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

bibliophilacticbee :  Yeah, I’ve had a best friend since 2nd grade (38 now).  No way am I bumping her because I’m married now.  Our relationships are completely different things.  I would even hazard to say that “friends” isn’t the right word for a married relationship, but I don’t think there is a word for it (husband, lol).  Anyway just like my Mother-In-Law isn’t going to be called “mom” by me, because she isn’t, as much as I love her, my husband doesn’t rate the “best friend” title either.

ETA: boring story – when I was a kid, I made a birthday card for someone with BFF on it.  My dad said “is she really your best friend?”  Answer – no, that’s just what you do.  He had me change it.  It really stuck with me.  The word is “best,” as in better than everything else.  Everyone can’t be your best friend. And so though one can have lots of close friends, there’s only one “best” or it’s an incorrect definition.  I’ve never called anyone else that again and as it happens, I picked well.  She’s the only friend who really, truly was best in the long run, lasting all these years even though we are wildly different.

Post # 42
Member
420 posts
Helper bee

I consider my SO one of my best friends.

 

But my “BEST FRIEND” – the one who trancends all else.
She’s my soul mate. Made just for me, and I for her, someone who will always be there for me, thick and thin.

 

She is the one person I could spend my entire life with and never have regrets that it wasn’t full of happiness and love.

Post # 43
Member
2797 posts
Sugar bee

He’s like my best friend with added benefits.

but in all seriousness, he’s my #1 person, but my girls are my BFFs.  I’ve known them for almost 35 years and we have been through everything together.  Our friendship is really “til death do us part.”

Post # 44
Member
618 posts
Busy bee

Best friends are just glorified friends. They are all just rankings but a title of ‘Husband’ is higher than them all. 

Post # 45
Member
2518 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t typically refer to my husband as my “best friend” because I already had several “best friends” before he came along, and because I think romantic relationships are really different than friendships, even though there may be a lot of overlap. They fulfill different roles, and my criteria for a husband vs. a friend are very different. My husband is certainly the person I’m closest to in general and the person who I trust most, but I have a best friend who I think gets me better in certain ways, and we have more history and she’s seen me through so many phases of life now. 

My husband does tell me I’m his best friend, but at the time we met he had drifted apart from his college friends and he’s not great at making new ones. I do think it would be healthy for him to have more of a social circle outside of me, and I’ve encouraged him to try to make them, but he always says he’d rather spend time with me. Which is sweet, but I think having outlets outside of your spouse is healthy and important. 

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