Husband issuessss

posted 2 weeks ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

lilceeja124 :  I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I would continue to bring up the conversation and insist on couples counseling. If he refuses, that give you the answer although it’s tough. I would not be able to be married to someone who didn’t want to spend time with me. Have you suggested counseling? Is this a marked change from when you were dating?

Post # 4
Member
9615 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Bring up counseling again. And this time actually go.

Post # 5
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

You need to put your foot down. Counseling, yeah, fine — but he might not go, you guys might not have good health insurance or the money. SOMEthing about this situation needs to be a deal breaker, counseling or not. He either stops this bullshit and grows up, or… is there really another alternative? He doesn’t need to go to counseling to stop acting like a 22-year-old frat boy; he should be able to stop because this is immature behavior. 

I wouldn’t wait to get a counselor to tell him this; do it now. It doesn’t sound like he respects you or the fact that he’s a father at all. 

Post # 7
Member
9615 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

He is seriously giving you the silent treatment? That’s incredibly immature and toxic.

If he won’t respond at all then I’d hand him two business cards – one for a marriage counselor, one for a divorce lawyer. If he’s going to make you live like a single parent you shouldn’t have to put up with him on top of it.

Post # 8
Member
3931 posts
Honey bee

His back problem? I’m sure it’s helped enormously by staying out until 3am and drinking every weekend. Better than that boring physical therapy. 

I actually think you should lose weight to solve this problem. 200 lbs of aged frat boy ought to do the trick. 

Post # 9
Member
1054 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry bee, but I suspect he is cheating on you. I would start thinking about what is best for YOU, and your child. I’m thinking either way he’s going to be an absent father. 

Post # 12
Member
824 posts
Busy bee

How exactly is he being a good father? Does he play with her for half an hour? Even a visiting uncle does that.

He sounds like a selfish father, he leaves your baby in your care all the time, he siphons off the family finances on a regular basis to go out drinking and hanging out with his buddies- even if you’re comfortable enough financially that the bills are paid and you aren’t running out of food or diapers, that money could be going toward your baby’s college fund, your retirement funds, a family vacation, home improvements, a nice dinner out with you. He’s thinking like a bachelor, not a family man. I’m not saying he can’t have an occasional night out with the guys or some discretionary fun money, but what you describe sounds excessive, selfish and incredibly immature.

And this seems about more than just going out- when he’s home he doesn’t even act like he likes or respects you, all you seem to get is the brush off, the cold shoulder, impatience. I wouldn’t even hold out much hope for counselling with this guy UNLESS you can have a serious discussion with him in which he expresses a sincere desire to change and work on things and then follows through with counselling, open discussion and changed behaviour. What you’re telling us isn’t showing a guy who is interested in the relationship at all. 

Post # 13
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee

I’m the last person to jump to cheating, but if this behaviour is fairly new then there’s two options in my mind 1) He is avoiding his responsibilities as a father by being out all the time or 2) He’s having an affair.

Either way he’s acting like a selfish POS, if I was you I would put my foot down and say we’re having counselling and I need to see serious change or we’re separating. 

Post # 15
Member
824 posts
Busy bee

lilceeja124 :  Even if he does his share with your child, he sounds like an adolescent otherwise, treating you like his mother- he wants to go out with his friends and not be ‘nagged’ about it, he has you taking care of the bills while he treats his own paycheque like a big allowance. IA this is no way for you to live, so if he wants you to even consider counselling/ staying with him while you try to work through this, he needs to sit down and listen to what you have to say and be willing to change. 

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