Post # 1
Anyone else have a partner who still doesn’t understand at all what you are going through? My husband knows enough that he won’t offer me wine or try to get me to move furniture, but he doesn’t seem to understand the massive (and painful!) changes I’m experiencing every day. I feel like he gets frustrated that I’m so tired all the time, or that I end up cancelling plans because I’m having muscle spasms. I know he’s trying to be understanding, but I just can’t seem to get through to him what a big deal this is and how drastically it’s affecting my life- he’s just kind of going about his business like normal while I feel like my life is totally changed.
Anyone have any advice for helping him understand? Anything that worked for you and your partner?
Post # 3
@DaisMay: Mmmm yep. My Darling Husband doesn’t get being tired all.the.time., the aches and pains, not being able to do whatever when I want because I don’t have the energy right now, and he’s not very compassionate. I wish I had advice for you but I don’t. I’ve just had to accept Darling Husband the way he is and leave it at that.
Post # 4
Bummers. Darling Husband is really understanding, but they can never really know! Pregnancy is so much more intense than I imagined- I am super laid back and thought I would just have a few minor aches and pains. Um, no. 🙂
That would be frustrating. I would just try to talk to him and reinforce that you are going through so many multiple changes and symptoms at one time- you are exhausted! At least I am. Yesterday I planted my garden, cooked twice, and went for a walk- I consider that a really big day!
Post # 5
Mine is kindof hit and miss – sometimes he is very sympathetic and sweet about helping me out, etc, but other times he just says that I am being lazy or stupid. @[email protected] He’s going through sciatica/muscle spasms and he doesn’t seem to thing that what I go through is as bad as his pain. But, what seems to help is when we are with other people and he sees how sympathetic they are towards me. 😛 First-time “pregnant” dads don’t always pick everything up right away, it seems, so they might need that reassurance from other people that yeah you aren’t just being lazy or high-maintenance when you can’t do all the things you did before.
Post # 6
My Darling Husband is pretty sympathetic sometimes but sometimes he doesn’t get it either. I have been pretty lazy since I’m always tired and taking care of our 2yr old Dirty Delete and I have become a hermit rarely leaving the house. He gets frustrated but he tries. Can you have your Darling Husband maybe read a what to expect book so he can get the hint?
Post # 7
Mine doesn’t get it either, if I say I’m tired all he says is “your always tired?”, but then sometimes he’s like quit working around the house and go lay down, but then a few hours later bitch cause the house isn’t done!!! UGH! Men are impossible!
Post # 8
You’re growing another person while simultaneously reconstructing your own skeleton, that takes a ton of energy that is all coming out of your normally availible pool of energy. I don’t know if explaining the physical changes you are going through would help him understand why you are so tired, but it might be worth a shot.
Post # 9
My Darling Husband is the biggest sweetheart but sometimes it slips his mind. I don’t know if any of you have seen it, but theres a you tube video floating around of 2 men hooked up to a machine that give them “labor” pains. My Darling Husband saw that and said thank God you are the one doing this, because if it were up to me I would adopt lol
Post # 10
My Darling Husband is a sweet, sweet man, but there have been a few times where I’ve been like “seriously?!”
Last weekend he had this project to do at home and said he needed my help. OK, whatever, I’ll help you. He said it would take 15 minutes. It took FOUR hours. I finally had to tell him that I was done, he was going to have to call a buddy or something (it wasn’t anything strenuous, but a lot of back and forth all over the house bringing him things, etc).
Also, we had a horrible argument when I was in my late 1st/early 2nd trimester because we were remodeling our house and he didn’t understand why I couldn’t help clean up the construction materials. Um, no honey, just no.
Post # 11
Yep. Darling Husband just doesn’t get it. We actually had a big blow out last night over this. He doesn’t get houncomfortable and tired I am, because its not affecting him. He complains that I’m always tired/sore. Yes, I am. I’m 35 weeks, and sometimes can have a hard time breathing! No I don’t want to go out! I want to lay down and try to sleep!
Post # 12
I am not pregnant yet but wheneven I”m in pain or sick, I always tell him the scale I’m on. Last time I ahd the flu, I had intense body pains and I told him I was a 7/10 (10 being it’s time to go to the hospital pain). And it helped him to understand why I couldn’t get up to help with dinner.
Maybe you should tell him your pain/uncomfortable levels?
Post # 13
I’m sorry I can’t offer any advice, as I’m not in that position yet. But your post reminded me of this video:
Post # 14
I don’t know how your relationship is sarcasm wise but I would say to Darling Husband “I’m sorry I can’t/don’t want to do ________; because I’m tired from growing/creating our child!”
Sometimes guys are dense and don’t realize what all goes into making a baby after their fun part is over… They can’t see it therefore nothing is going on.
Post # 15
My husband is amazing with helping in the house, he basically clean anddo laundry every day or cook when he is home but he doesn’t understand my nauseas and vomiting !! I was feeling awful Saturday and basically grabed a plastic bag and filled with vomit while he was driving he got mad cause I could not wait till we got to the mall to go inside and do it !! I was like tell your baby to let me know ahead of time next time to plan when I am going to do it !!! I even cried ( baby hormones ) he now dont even question my vomiting nor pregnancy symptoms cause he knows I am going to be mad and probably not speak to him for weeks as he should know this is not something I can control and he should just be supportive to me as I am the one with the baby Inside and taking all the bad side of a pregnancy !!ugh sometimes men can be so stupid and mean cause they dont think before opening their huge mouth !
Post # 16
Oh gosh yes… men can be totally clueless.
Not really their fault, there just isn’t a lot of stress in our society of having men (or even in some cases women) well informed as to the process of human reproduction. A lot of times women only become acutely aware when they find themselves pregnant (or are in a struggle with Mother Nature to make that happen). So not a BIG surprise that guys have even less info on the topic.
You might want to find him a Video on Fetal / Baby Development. Guys tend to not have a clue how it all works, but relate well to scientific info, more so if it is visual.
Here is one good one that I’ve found on YouTube for you that covers development for the first 12 Weeks.
It at least presents the idea of the miracle of birth… and exactly how difficult the process of “creating” another human being is on the mother.
Hope this helps,
PS… Don’t know how far along you are in your Pregnancy, but some of the better Pre-Natal Courses usually have some info specific to Partners so they have a better understanding of what the Mothers-2B are going thru… including those Pregnancy Empathy Belly Vests… sometimes it is only thru actually “seeing” things that guys tend to get a better idea of the WHOLE picture.