Post # 1
My husband and I got in a blowout fight last night (we are both pretty stressed out in life now and the fight was a result of all the stress building up and coming to a head this week) and didn’t really speak much today. When I got home from work he wasn’t here and he sent me a text saying he was spending the evening out to clear his thoughts and not fight more with me. I didn’t hear from him all evening but he just got home wasted drunk. Like slurring and stumbling around. He also became angry and somewhat verbally abusive. I’be honestly not seen him like this ever. I asked him if he drove and he said yes. I’m in utter shock-he’s always been conscious about drinking and driving and has always been big on designated drivers/cabs/uber when we drink. I have never seen him drive wasted and I feel betrayed somehow. What if he’d gotten a DUI? What if he’d been hurt or killed? What if he’d killed someone? Of course I didn’t get into it with him tonight while he’s wasted but internally I’m freaking out. Driving intoxicated is a deal breaker for me AND I’m 7 months pregnant. What do I do bees?
Post # 2
The reality is he could have hurt someone/damaged property and not know about it right now. I would pack a bag and leave him. Right now, tonight. Go to a hotel if i had to. Drunk driving is a deal breaker for me as well as being verbally abusive. Get out now to give him and you space. You said you were both very stressed, you each need to figure out how to manage that stress, then decide if you want to work on your marriage together.
Show him you will not put up with this behavior.
Again, get out now. Just grab what you need for overnight/short term and get away. *hugs, so many hugs* bee. you can do this.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek
I think you need to share all of these thoughts/fears with him as soon as you’re able to and let him know how you feel as a result of his choice. You need to make it clear that you will NOT tolerate this kind of behavior again.
Post # 4
I am sorry you had to deal with this, especially pregnant. I speak from experience, you must show him that this behavior will not be tolerated. So I recommend leaving too even if it is for a day and night but don’t let him know you’re going to sweep this under the rug especially if he knows this is a deal breaker. Take care of yourself first right now.
Post # 5
Deal with it in the morning when he is sober and you have calmed down some. Make it clear that it is a deal breaker and that while there were reasons leading up to these actions, it worries you for multiple reasons not to mention that it is very uncharacteristic of him. Ask him his thoughts on his actions. How would HE feel if you drove drunk? I don’t think this is something you leave him over when you’re 7 months pregnant, but I do think it merits a very serious conversation and one where you need to be clear about the consequences should it ever, EVER happen again.
Post # 6
Thanks bees. I did leave because I just felt like I couldn’t hold my tongue if I stayed and arguing now isn’t going to do anything but make the situation worse. I’m staying with my parents tonight (I didn’t tell them about what happened).
Honestly I have a feeling my husband is going to be super pissed at himself in the morning but yes I know I need to talk to him.
I realize reading my post makes it sound like he drinks constantly but he actually hardly ever drinks, even a little so to see him come home so drunk is startling.
Post # 7
Leave for a few days. Clear your head, make a list of dealbreakers – driving drunk would be at the top of my list, honestly. Even ahead of cheating. Cheating has never killed anyone, last I checked. You say he doesn’t drink that much? Well it only takes once. See if he will agree to staying sober indefinitely – it would take at least a year of my husband not drinking at all to regain that trust.
Post # 8
I agree with beebee1983:. You need to gather your thoughts and and then approach this with a clear head. His behaviour is 100% not acceptable, and hopefully he will agree with that and find more healthy ways to cope with stress. If he can’t see how drunk driving is not ok, and how very agressive and verbally abusive to his wife is not ok, then you will have to make a plan b.
Post # 9
I am sorry this happened to you. Not to be too dramatic but this would honestly be a reason to reconsider marriage. It is one of my absolute deal breakers. What if he got hurt or killed himself and left his pregnant wife a widow? Would that be worth “clearing his head”? Or if he went to jail because he killed someone else? I would also not know if I could trust someone who makes such dangerous impulse decisions wit a baby…I mean this is really serious. Maybe he can so counseling or something but some things are just not Forgivable in my book…