Husband just leaving the house

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

Well first off – if I’m reading your post correctly, he’s drinking and driving? That in itself is a huge problem and absolutely not okay. 

As far as not telling you where he’s going and who he’s going with, that’s bizarre in my opinion. There’s no need for me not to tell my SO where I’m going and who I’ll be with and vice versa because we’re a couple and we share things with one another and have nothing to hide. So aside from the safety reasons you mention, it’s just weird to me in general.  

Post # 3
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Why don’t you address it before he steps out the door and ask what friends? If he gets defensive for whatever reason explain to him again that it’s important to you to know for his saftey. If that doesn’t cut it you obviously have an issue on your hands as to why he doesn’t want to tell you. 

Post # 5
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Weird. My husband has no problem telling me what he’s doing and who he’ll be with. He’ll just tell me even if I don’t ask.

If I know the names of his friends, I’ll specifically ask if so-and-so will be there if he goes to hang out with friends. When he gets home, we’ll talk about how it was, how everyone’s doing, etc. Do you take interest in his friends and who they are, how they’re doing?

Post # 7
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

This would bother me but I would assume it was just an oversight on his part until you brought it up. His response was super disrespectful. 

It is absolutely normal and reasonable to want to know where your spouse is and who they are with. It’s just common courtesy to say where you’re going and when you think you’ll be back. 

Post # 8
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

No, you’re not crazy. Yes,this is weird. His hang-up about “feeling like a kid saying where he’s going” speaks volumes about HIM – it reeks of immaturity. I wouldn’t stand for that. What’s the big secret? 

Not saying to do this- just asking as a hypothetical— how would he react if you took off and when asked, gave him the same response? 

Post # 9
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

jbae111 :  So weird. Usually people have an issue with “checking-in” before the married part . . . I dunno. Unless you didn’t live together before now?

My husband and I were long-distance for years before we got married and were able to live together, so all we had were these “check-ins,” telling each other about the day, what we had planned, etc. But it was really just to stay connected, to talk! Lol

It wasn’t about anyone keeping tabs or receiving permission to go anywhere, it’s just being connected to your partner and telling them of your schedule in case something else were to crop up. And allowing for something else to happen, since marriage isn’t just about doing whatever you want, whenever you want.

If your husband wants the single life, I don’t know what he thought marriage was going to be like. Lol

Post # 10
Member
8644 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

jbae111 :  “he has this “man” thing” — This is not a man thing, it’s a him thing. Not normal. Not only is there the “in case of emergency” concern, but just — don’t partner’s talk to each other and want to tell each other what’s going on in their life and what they’re doing? It’s conversation. It’s sharing yourself and connecting. His excuse that it makes him feel like a kid doesn’t make sense to me because this is not something that just kids do. Normal adults tell their spouse where they’re going and who they’ll be with. Unless they’re up to no good. I can’t imagine that this is the only area where he acts like this. What else is he weird about? Because this is very weird.

Post # 11
Member
10187 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

jbae111 :  

The drunk driving is a way bigger problem.  Pay attention to it.

Post # 12
Member
1142 posts
Bumble bee

Agree with PPs. Definitely weird (but not uncommon because I have known other men / seen posts about men who do this). These men are so afraid of losing their freedom and being tied down, and to be honest most end up not getting married or stay in long term relationships, because freedom was more important than the benefits of a long term relationship.

It’s just common courtesy to tell someone you’re living with where you’re going and/or with who. Not to mention isnt it just part of sharing day to day information with each other, as you should want to? It’s not even about safety to me, it’s just carrying on normal conversation? 

 

Post # 13
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

I dunno. To me his reaction is weird. How hard is it to say I’m gonna be with friend X till roughly Y.  Toodles!

I’m pretty laid back about my husband going out with friends but I do want to know roughly how long he will be gone to know if I should wait up and to know who he went with if there is an issue or emergency. So i dunno. Maybe my husband is the weird one but he has 0 issues telling me stuff like this. /shrug

Post # 14
Member
5747 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I just asked my husband about this and HE said it’s unacceptable behavior (and we’re pretty relaxed about the other going out and hanging with friends). Your husband has learned some really disrespectful behaviors from his father. (And what the hell was his mother doing letting a man be out running the streets and then just come home?! Regularly?! Psssssh.)

Personally, I’d do the same to him a few times- just get up and leave. Tell him you’re getting together with “a friend”. If he has a problem with you doing it, then you know he’s on some sexist bullshit and needs to be checked. If he doesn’t care, then you know that he’s actually really unbothered by this behavior and you’re going to have to find a way to reach a workable compromise for the two of you.

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