Post # 1
I am sad ladies! I got married yesterday in a civil ceremony so I can be under military healthcare until our december wedding during his Christmas Exodus (2 weeks off)
Today he is gone and it is very hard! How do you ladies cope with this separation?
Post # 3
First off, congratulations!!!!!! I know it sounds cliche but you get used to it. If you are already a very independent woman (nothing wrong if you aren’t) it won’t be the happiest adjustment but you’ll figure it out pretty fast and if you aren’t then it will take more time but it will happen. It is ALWAYS harder the days or weeks after you’ve been around them but then you start getting into your own groove of things. The best thing to do is keep busy and maybe look into some activities or hobbies that you wanted to do but didn’t have the time. Friends and family will become a support base (lol as well as other people who have significant others in the military. It is crazy how such a strong bond can develope with people you’ve never met). Enjoy every moment that you get to talk to him or be with him and appreciate/love the letters and emails that he sends you.
What branch of the military did he join? I can tell you that you’ll look back 6 months or a year from now and think wow I never thought that I a. was so strong and b. could do something like this. My fiancee is in the Navy and stationed in Japan, we rarely get to be together but I have adapted and though I miss him every day I know that in the long run it is completely 100% worth it. You’ll have people tell you that they don’t know how they could do it or that they could never do something like that but you’ll just smile and tell them thank you. The time you spend talking on the phone and together will make up for all that time apart. Skype is a real life saver. I hope that this helps you a little bit. It’s ok to be sad and miss him but know that every second he is away he misses you too and is always thinking about you.
Post # 4
Congratulations! Make sure he remembers to put you down as his wife so you’re collecting BAH as well as your other benefits!
OCS/Basic is in my opinion the toughest time. It was the first time my husband and I had ever been apart. Everyone says this, but keep busy. I went on a diet when he was away and threw my into work. I also wrote him a letter everyday. I was amazed he kept them all- it’s funny to re-read them, they all say the same thing (it’s hard writing letters everyday!). Good luck
Post # 5
Congrats on your marriage!! Having gone through deployment and living in diffrent states until we got married my advice is to stay busy (haha like the previous posters said) but set a schedule for yourself and do things for your self. For example on tuesday nights i always had wine nights with my friends, i went to spin class at the gym three days a week, i was in school so i studied a lot, and planned our wedding. also keep a pen and pad handy and write down things you want to tell him, even if its silly stuff they just love to read things that remind them of you. Plus when he does call or you do write if your like me i would get so excited to hear from him or write him that i would forget what i wanted to tell him. good luck i wish u the best
Post # 6
Thanks ladies. I know its wayyy Too Much Information but last night I cried so much I literally threw up. Did not know that was possible. I started crying when I got a text alert in the middle of the night and figured it had to be him. Nope, it was EBay! errrr well ill go try to keep busy until I have to go to work. 😉
Post # 7
Aww…. let yourself cry it out. Honestly, that’s what I did. I took a lot of long showers and just cried. It really helped for me to put all of his clothes, shoes, and stuff away for awhile. I just couldn’t look at his stuff without thinking about him, so they all got thrown into the closet for a few weeks. 🙂
Write letters, do a lot of research on what he’s up to, and ask lots of questions. I wrote out little questionaires about what he was doing with blank spaces for him to write back answers to questions so it didn’t take him as long to write me back.
Check if his base has a facebook page. My husband is Navy and their RTC facebook page was awesome!! I met a few moms and wives with guys in DH’s division, and we got to know each other on there, then met at graduation which was cool. They also did a trivia contest each week to win pictures and such. They tried to be a support system for the families, so check to see if there’s one available. Message boards for military families are great, too.
I wrote to his whole division once a week saying how proud I was of them and to keep going, and I also sent generic letters to guys who weren’t getting mail. I enlisted all my friends and family to write and Darling Husband got more mail than anyone!! It made me feel better to be able to do something for him. Mail is like gold and they will love every letter and read it over and over. 🙂
Post # 8
Thanks ladies! it been really hard going from seeing him all the time when not at work and texting when I am. Only one 5 minute phone call in a week! I miss him terribly.
Post # 9
Congrats on your marriage!!
The first few weeks/month is always the hardest and then, as mean as it might sound – you just get used to them being gone!!
Try not to worry or let your head go anywhere it shouldn’t, it’s not helpful.
I was a mess when SO left a few months ago, but I had a lot of family and friend support and that’s heaps important.
Keep a journal – I found that has helped me heaps 🙂
Post # 10
My Fiance went through bootcamp in June of ’08, toughest time of my life so far. I stayed in bed all day after he left and cried. We’ve been across the country from each other ever since and it sucks! I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s never fun. The only thing that helped me was surrounding myself with friends and family. My advice is STAY BUSY! Write letters to him every day, and try not to think about it too much. He’ll be back before you know it. And when he does come back and you see him for the first time in so long, it’s absolutely completely worth the wait. That feeling is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Makes me realize how worth all of the waiting is. Good luck hun and just remember its never a goodbye, its a see you soon!
Post # 11
@beebee17: I remember going from all to nothing and it SUCKS. There’s really no other word for it. It’s awful. But, honestly, the time will start to fly and before you know it, you’ll be at graduation waiting to see him! It’s the best feeling in the entire world. 🙂
Stay as busy as possible. Fill your days and evenings up. The first month is the hardest until you get into a new routine, then after that things will start to look up. I remember thinking that it would never get better and I would be so miserable, but I think about 4-5 weeks into it, I remember thinking, “hey, this isn’t so bad anymore!” 🙂
You will change so much if you let yourself. I became much more outspoken, independent, and confident. So did Darling Husband. You’ll grow separately, but also as a couple. Never forget that you’re both experiencing those same emotions and allow that to draw you together as a couple.
Post # 12
I went through all of that too i know its hard but it gets better, writing letters helps so much. when he was in basic i would call his voicemail just to hear his voice. I was a wreck for the first month then i found out i was going to get to go to his graduation so i just focused on that. Then when he went to tech school we were able to skype every night we set a time and stuck to it as much as we could, but of course if we had other plans we were both very understanding. Hes now stationed out of the country i didnt know what to do when i found out that he was going to be so far away but i knew i couldnt give up our relationship just because of distance. hes been there for a little over a year but we are still able to skype every day at our set time. and we both have the HeyTell app where i can leave him voice messages. he came home on leave a couple months ago and were now engaged!! we couldnt be happier. The military life style is hard we started dating a month before he left for basic (we were good friends for 4 years before that) and when I decided to stay with him i knew what i was getting into. they wont always be home or even just a phone call away but just knowing that your s/o loves you is enough. Its rough with the uncertinty of dates knowing when hes going to be home his leave was rescheduled 3 times i thought i was going to lose my mind. Seeing him at the airport made it all worth it though you know youve got someone special when you havent seen them for a year and youre able to pick up right where you left off. All i can say is its hard but its worth it hang in there.