Husband lied and ruined pregnancy announcement

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

beatrixkiddo11 :  ok girl, it sucks that he lied.  But, he lied about telling his family that you are pregnant. That he is having a child. It’s kind of understandable, even if not okay, that he wanted to share that. It’s not unfixable, not like being abusive. 

He sounds like a pleaser who lies to get out of white washing things. That’s not okay, but it’s not the end of the world either. If he is inclined, he can address this. 

you also might want to address being hyper vigilant after being abused. Please don’t think I’m saying it’s okay that he did this, but You sound like you’re putting a lot of your past experience onto this relationship and catastrophizing. 

He needs to realize that you and LO are his family now and he needs to keep your confidence. This isn’t exactly unheard of learning lesson for lots of people, women and men. 

Take a deep breath and when you get some distance, you might see things a little differently. I’m sorry he betrayed your trust, I am sure that hurts. 

Post # 3
166 posts
Blushing bee

beatrixkiddo11 :  

BalletParker :  I think your being thrown off by the topic.  What the OP’s husband did was icky.  They had agreed on a plan of action.  If her husband did not want to follow the plan, he should have told her up front.  Likewise, if he changed course later on, he should have informed his wife.  Instead, he lied to the OP and then covered it up with more lies.  She was then surprised, caught off guard and betrayed.

Yes, of course, this particular set of circumstances deals with a very happy occurrence, but the OP’s husband’s actions suck in relation to how he treats her.  This man isn’t too nice, he’s a liar.  Why couldn’t he have just been up front and said, i can’t keep it in, I want to sing it from the rooftops that you’re pregnant?”  Because that may have left to confrontation and discussion and the real dealings of people in a relationship.  Very icky!

Post # 4
17 posts
  • Wedding: October 2017

I can understand if he spoke because he was so excited but since it was too soon to say anything and your unfortunate history of miscarriages, he needed to keep his mouth shut. 

As for the lies, that is a huge issue that needs to be discussed. In one sitting just say how you wanted that moment to be special for everyone especially when you haven’t been feeling special lately. You wanted something for the 2 of you for the time being and that when the time was right, everyone could know.

Post # 5
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Your husband sounds like a complete ass and I have a few concerns:

  • His current child takes priority over your son
  • He lied to you 
  • He treats you like he does
  • Why don’t you share finances? When my FI and I moved in together, everything became joint finances. I couldn’t imagine “splitting everything down the line.” You guys are a team, not roommates. 

Idk what to say, bee. Don’t let him push you around, which it sounds like you do. Did your son know about the baby yet? Because I’d be pissed if your SIL was how he found out

Post # 6
499 posts
Helper bee

Oh my, there are red flags all over this post. I think him telling the family about your pregnancy might be the least of your worries. 

Post # 7
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

styjen :  I was responding to her this is the “most betrayed” ever, when she was in an abusive relationship before, and obviously that betrayed her more than her current partner lying about telling his family they were pregnant.

Once a person has been through that, it’s easy to see/be triggered in actions from the next partner that hurt. Sometimes hearing that it might not be the end of the world – there’s hope – is helpful. 

course he sounds selfish and a bit jerky re the wedding ring and money. But she chose to get pregnant knowing those things, so it seemed like instead of that being the issue, she’s having one of those moments where it all snowballed.  

I repeatedly said it’s not okay that he lied- could well be the end. That’s another possibility for sure.  

But her other post on here raves about her husband and how great he is and has a good job and he is so empathetic. 

Post # 8
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

I have no advice on him lying about the announcement. I do have 2 questions though, do you share finances and does your son live with you?

Post # 9
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

He sounds passive aggressive, says one thing then turns around and does another behind your back. Have you discussed this latest lie with him? You’ll have to take action to make him understand that his behavior has to change i.e. there has to be consequences when he does stuff like this or he won’t change. I’d recommend counseling and a good book on boundaries like

Post # 10
524 posts
Busy bee

From your description, it doesn’t sound like he respects you or sees you as an equal. Splitting all the bills, lying to you, being stingy in general. Not even getting you a wedding band? That should be a joint decision. It’s one thing to both willfully keep separate finances, but this sounds different.

His behavior in this situation is suspicious to me and not desirable in a life partner, and I don’t blame you for being concerned. I’d definitely take a step back and look at your whole relationship. Maybe this isn’t a big deal, or maybe it is a sign of something you do not want. Perhaps a counselor would help.

Post # 11
1491 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, this pregnancy announcement thing is the elast of your worries.

Post # 12
5777 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

MrsCoffeeSnob :  Agree with everything she said. There are a lot of issues to unpack here.

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