(Closed) Husband lied to me and now I feel duped

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee

Taking a cooking class together would be a great idea, and you can teach him how to cook, since you seem to have such a refined palette.  It would be a great, what, fifth date for you two?

Post # 17
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You lied by telling your guests he was a fantastic cook, when you didn’t even know that. Yoiu’re both guilty of lies here, although there are bigger fish to fry in a marriage than something like this. 

Post # 18
Member
10861 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

champagnetaste001 :  

If an embarrassingly bad dinner is the worst thing that happens, be grateful.

When I hear ‘whirlwind courtship’, the red lights start flashing.  Men who push for quick commitment nearly always have an agenda and it’s a nefarious one.

The goal is to get you locked down before you have had sufficient time to find out who and what they really are.

Most alarming, this a very, very common pattern with abusers.

I’m not going to pass judgment on you.  I get how these guy can be.  And I’ve done even stupider stuff.  

If you do decide to stay in the marriage, be vigilant for any red flags.  Run a background check on him.  You can do that for $10-20 online.

Another bad sign is the way he turned himself into someone he knew would interest you, ie a foodie.  More classic low/no conscience personality disorder and/abuser behavior.  They are chameleons.

If you really want to be with this guy, it might make sense to live apart for awhile and get to know each other.

Post # 19
Member
1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

OK, everyone else here is right in that you probably should have taken your time before marrying this person.

But since you asked for advice and aren’t getting much so far, here’s what I think: do you love him with or without cooking ability?  Is this something you can get over?  Can you be encouraging to him and love him regardless of him not being a 4-star chef?  If the answer is yes, then you’re ok.  Take several deep breaths, realize that he still likes going to great restaurants and trying foods with you, and that’s still awesome.  Maybe you can learn to be the awesome cook in the relationship and he will sing praises about all the wonderful things you create.  Alternatively, if your foodie lifestyle is more important to you than your husband, then you have a problem.  If that’s the case, I would recommend talking to your husband about it, and perhaps getting counseling to sort this out.

Post # 21
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It’s a little bit funny that you raved about his cooking to your guests when you never even tried it before. You kind of set yourself up there to look foolish.

 

I guess if you married someone solely because he told you that he was a great cook and you find out he made that up to impress you, then your marriage truly has no foundation and you might as well walk.

Post # 22
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

Soooo…you say this is super important to you, but you never thought to verify his cooking skills prior to get married?

Post # 23
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

this is what happens when you marry a stranger… based on him knowing to cook? are you f*cking kidding me… shit lke this is what tarnishes the importance of marriage. and if this is real I suggest you get divorced and learn from this .. there are thousands of couples going through real awful lies and shit. This isnt it

Post # 24
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Troll post! I mean, even if they JUST got married, and didn’t see each other every day at first, you can’t tell me they ate out for dinner over 50 times almost in a row? Plus lunches and breakfasts? Their bank accounts would be empty and waistlines expanded 

Post # 26
Member
1594 posts
Bumble bee

So…you all never ate food cooked at home once? Not even once? Come on now. You have to admit how ridiculous this all sounds. Wouldn’t the first thing you would want to experience is his cooking? I love to cook and that was one of the first things I did for my Darling Husband when we were dating.

Post # 27
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

So you married a guy after two months because he said he was a great cook…? 

I feel like you have bigger problems than the fact that he lied to you.

Post # 28
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee

I just can’t with this post lmao!!!

Post # 29
Member
1973 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Okay. This has to be a troll post. It’s not even a good one that makes you think, “Could this be real?”

Post # 30
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

sassy411 :  I think you’re being a little quick to jump to the conclusion that he’s a potential abuser because he lied about his cooking skills……

We also don’t know who’s idea it was to get married after two months or who was pushing for it more. It could have been her.

I think we’re all guilty of “talking ourselves up” to potential partners to make ourselves seem more valuable in their eyes. Heck think of how many guys brag about how great they are in bed or how “well endowed” they are only to find out that was an exaggeration too! Or my husband for example, who claims he’s a good handyman but… bless his heart I usually just suggest to call a professional.

Could it also be that he *thought* he was good until OP and her ever so refined palate crushed his confidence? I mean, he did volunteer to cook an entire dinner for her family so he must have had some confidence in his cooking skills? Maybe he was nervous and messed it up? 

But I think the lesson here is A) don’t marry someone after two months… take the time to date and know each other and 

B) don’t marry someone for their cooking skills WHEN THEY HAVENT EVEN COOKED FOR YOU!

 

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