(Closed) Husband lied to me and now I feel duped

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 91
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Comment removed for violation of TOS

Post # 92
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Yeah, no. Anyone that committed to chef skills is going to request a homemade meal in the courtship stage. And, let’s be real, any guy that can cook is going to offer to cook. You can impress the girl and still be in the same building as your bed. It’s a no-brainer.

Post # 94
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am with pp in being dumbfounded that you’re contemplating divorce over his lack of cooking skills yet didn’t bother verifying said skills in the two months you dated before getting married??! Wattttttttt.

That said I don’t understand the pp who are getting bent out of shape cause OP doesn’t take marriage seriously or whatever. Who cares about someone else’s attitude toward marriage? I took (and take) my marriage seriously, but it’s nothing to me if someone else feels differently. It is not a slap in the face if someone else rushes into a marriage and then gets divorced shortly after. Seriously, that has nothing to do with me.

Post # 95
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Sounds like a great bonding experience. Go to cooking classes together!

Post # 96
Member
13597 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you’re the foodie, why don’t you cook?

Post # 97
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

Also, quick question. How do you make pasta crunchy? Do you fry it?

Post # 98
Member
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

If anyone asked anyone if they should marry the man they met on holiday and spent three months with, I have a feeling that nearly 100% of people would say no. So you knew this man for less time than a summer, and yet you were prepared to dive into marriage? On a guarantee he knew how to cook, and when he probably had 168 (three meals a day) occasions on which to prove it to you, but you never confirmed?

But, in the event you are serious, you say you based the relationship on more than his cooking skills, so perhaps you need to embrace other aspects of your foodie lifestyle with him and then try to grow closer to him by taking cooking classes together. Presumably the two of you can still enjoy restaurants and travel and magazines and events together, even if he cannot cook?

In the same vein as saying that cooking is subjective, OP, have you ever gone to a restaurant that the entire community was abuzz about and felt it was just not that great? Is EVERY restaurant recommended by all your foodie friends the most amazing thing you have ever eaten? Would you be willing to write a review for a newspaper or magazine if you interviewed that chef, but had never eaten his creations? I assume that while you could write a piece about how or why he started the restaurant, you could not in good conscience write a review of food you had never eaten. Well, likewise with your Dh. 

If marriage means more to you than a whim or a joke, perhaps you can work on this with him. Otherwise, you can probably get divorced as quickly as you got married.

Post # 99
Member
2139 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

champagnetaste001 :  What exactly are you looking for advice about here? Honestly… you made an ass out of yourself in front of your friends. You believed and told all your friends he was some amazing cook WITHOUT HAVING EATEN HIS FOOD. This is on you. “This is my lifestyle”… really?!? Doesn’t seem like it if you are willing to just take someone’s word for it and endorse their culinary skills without testing them yourself. Man oh man. 

Advice… take some cooking lessons with him and go to therapy as a couple to communicate more honestly with each other. You’ve made a decision to marry him based on “a lot of other things” so these things should help strengthen the relationship. 

Post # 100
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

😂 

Post # 101
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee

Ok I admit I did enjoy and laughed out loud at some of the sarcastic posts. 

Seriously though, if something was so important to you, why on earth did you make the big decision to make a life time commitment to someone without verifying if they indeed meet your criteria / requirement? Or is the quick marriage a culture thing?

I feel like all the things you said about him, such as how much of a great guy he is, is invalid because when you know someone for such a short period of time, almost anyone can and will look like a great person, you can only really say it with confidence after you’ve known them for a longer period of time, I would say at least a year.

And you can only really tell how great (or otherwise) someone is when you know what’s not so great about them aka their flaws. For instance they might be the greatest cook and funniest person in the world but if they’re also physically and verbally abusing you would you still say they’re a great person?

Anyway regarding this particular situation with the cooking, I don’t think it’s that big a deal, if he’s genuinely into cooking and watching cooking shows and sampling great food, it sounds like you do have that in common and he just needs to spend more time actually practicing the cooking, which could be a great activity for the two of you to do. After all it’s not all up to HIM to cook for YOU, it should be an equal activity.

Sure he shouldn’t have exaggerated his cooking skills but at the same time, I feel like if you had just dated a bit longer this would’ve been revealed and maybe under the normal dating context, it wouldn’t have been a big deal. So you are at least partly to blame for this “lie”.

Your two options are either get the marriage annulled (if possible), or stay in the marriage and really get to know each other and see if you actually are compatible.

 

Post # 102
Member
763 posts
Busy bee

Tragic. I too, experienced something similar. Ice cream is my life. I travel throughout the world seeking ice cream made from the freshest milk. When I started dating my Fiance, he claimed to the world’s best ice cream maker. Every time we went to a creamery, he’d throw his cone down on the floor and laugh at it’s inferiority. I was sold, a man that could make ice cream better than the best local shop with a 5 star yelp rating? Yes. The next month, we were wed. 

Imagine my horror the next week, when I had my friends and family over for the Fourth of July and my husband offered them still liquid DIY “ice cream” made by shaking some cream in a bag inside of a larger bag of ice? Currently looking up how to annul the marriage. I feel frauded. My friends no longer trust me to be a world class Creamie. I had to remove it from my Instagram bio and my Facebook bio. He’s completely ruined my reputation and I feel sick when I even see ice cream, my former passion.

Post # 103
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow, this is real?! My husband proposed after 1 month of dating but I let him know upfront I don’t cook. We weren’t trying to impress each other. We just told each other what to expect and we’re still here after 7 years and 1 amazing child later!

Cooking classes, sure. One of you can probably figure it out!  But, if he’s not good in bed, forget it. LOL!

Post # 104
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Wait, you married this guy because he was a great cook, and the first time you decide to sample his food is when you throw a dinner party with guests? Hahahahahahaha. This can’t be real. Thanks for the laughs though. 

ETA: saw your update that this is real. I just seriously don’t understand how you could marry someone for their cooking skills without having them cook for you. I would get it if the guy owned a restaurant or something. That doesn’t help you now. I second PP who said to take a cooking class together. You may also benefit from learning to laugh about this situation down the road. If there is a down the road for you. 

Post # 105
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

thesecondwife :  LOL! This is classic. The old bait and switch. Gets em’ every time time. 

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