- 6 years ago
My husband works a repair job where he is gone literally all day long. sometimes he has a break in between repairs and comes home but mostly he is in and out of peoples homes all day. A year and a half ago, we were having a hard time. I had just had a baby and my baby was ill. He was coming home late from work and just sitting in front of the computer all day long not coming to bed but literally falling to sleep at the computer after my kids and I went to sleep. After weeks of this, i started to complain about it. he claimed he was too tired to walk up the stairs. His job is very laborous so, I said ok. He is getting older and he is finding it harder to keep up with the workload. Our sex life was suffering but I just thought he was too tired from work.
Still, I started to look for something one day that i was already looking at online and i hit the web history. It seems that as soon as we go to sleep at night he is on his old yahoo mail and busy looking at raunchy web videos online. I know this one website is popular among men his age and they have all kinds of videos. I do ask him not to look at it when we are awake because even though some of the videos are cute, the raunchy ones show one the sidebar and i don’t want my kids looking at the previews to them. Ordinarily , i wouldn’t care about the raunch videos but him not coming to bed and the videos kinda got me to thinking. I did not confront him on it but a few mornings later, i was up at the time he leaves, lie 5a.m, and i hear moaning and groaning from the living room tv. So when he left , i see that he was watching porn. still did not mention it until his day off when we spent the whole day together while my daughter was at school and he did not want to pick her up because he was ‘too tired’ and once i got back i intentionally went to the history to see it while he was sitting right there and of course it was more porn from exactly 3:00 when i left til 3:35 or so. I asked him why he was looking at it when i was home all day long and he claimed it was a ‘pop up’. A ‘pop up’ that mysteriously switched from video to video 2 times? OK.
I started telling him that we needed to talk about if he was still attracted to me or not and if we need to change our relationship because we were very barely having sex. He claimed again that he was just tired. Then, shockingly, he came home and asked why i dont wear tighter clothes and says he wants me to ‘do more with myself”. Then he says that he wants sex more often and more spontaneously. I had no problem meeting this need but felt it strange that he would be saying it in such a frustrated and angry way. he then went on to tell me about lots of girls trying to get his number and how he ‘could go that route’ if he wanted to but he loves me and feels as though he found his ‘dream girl’ when im at my best. The whole situation was strange.
A month or so later, i went into his phone because mine was dead and we do this all the time. we each know each others passwords so no biggie. there i see a text between what I assume is him and some girl and the text is basically him stating that he does ‘work with his hands’ and then a text saying ‘call me now’. I guess whomever the girl was was complaining about him not answering the phone. It then went on to cheer her on on her workout telling her to ‘do her squats’ and ‘master her cuff’. The texts then went on to describe a pic of this girls but and complain about it not being a good enough shot. He then sent a number and a ‘ask for mr marshall’. I know for a fact that this was a man who works in their human resource building.
I was pissed but did not get up and go off. we have been together 18 years and he has never done anything like this. i have never seen even the scent of him cheating or talking to other women. I quitely woke him up and asked him what it was. he got angry and threw the phone stating he was tired and he didn’t know what the hell it was but he would talk to one of his trainees to see if they sent it. that was not enought and i demanded that he call the number listed. he got pissed and went back to sleep, still saying he didn’t know what it was and was too tired to deal with it right then. i started to pack after i asked him if he could hand me the phone to call it back and her refuesed. he then got up, crashed the phone into the wall and left the house pissed.
the next day after work, he came home to tell me that it was his friend who he shares a google voice email with signing in on his phone which brought up his friends past texts. he then says that his ‘friend’ was trying to get his gf into the place where he works. I’m sorry but this was just sounding like utter bull ish. The phone was broken beyond repair. I asked that he go online and pull up this text from his online google voice mailbox. he pulled up his mailbox but amazingly, that text was not there. his friend did try to get on the phone and explain away how it was his but my whole thing was, after the fact, you can say anything and because of the previous conversations we had, i just felt that it was bull.
We started to really argue all the time. i constantly asked him to come clean and i could see if i could forgive him but i could not go on not knowing. i asked him to call this person and we could move forward. he still kept saying that he did not write the message. so around christmas, i found an app and installed it to his phone. the app taped every single conversation he had for one day. when he got home and went to sleep, i listened to the calls. he did not call any women or anything but he did leave home saying he was ‘heading to the office’ and instead went to a pizza joint. he was on the phone with his friend complaining about how i keep on accusing him and how he was tired of it. he said that he was upset because his mom had died not to long before and he felt like ‘why am i going out busting my ass to take care of them only to come home to accusstions?” He then went on to tell his friend that since he is the only man i have ever been with that i ‘dont know what i have’. He told his friend that he has been faithful to me our whole marriage and was tired of the accusations.
He then sat on the phone in the pizza joint and as soon as the waitress came and walked away, he started making comment after comment about her butt and how he had to be careful because he was ‘close to home and didn’t want to get hisself into trouble’. Now i know men talk about other women all the time but he went on and on about this girl and the pizza place is really small so i know she had to hear everything he said. He even commented on her butt again when she was seating people directly across from him just so she could hear him and commented that he ‘knows she heard me’. I was utterly effing disgusted. I have never disrespected him like that. his manner of talk with this girl was flirtacious and he called her by her name each time she came to the table in a very suggestive way. before he left, he told his friend on the phone ‘watch this’ and then called the girl over and played a number game with her and then started asking when she started working there because he ‘never say her in there before’. she told him and then he went on to ask her how old she was and she was only 17 so he just went ‘oh boy. well im glad i kept my comment then’ all the while slobbering over this girl. He then left and went on to call hs friend and tell him how he almost got in some trouble taling to ‘ole gir’ and she turned out to be 17. Mind you he is damned near 40!
Later in the conversation, he went on to talk about another girl who worked there and how big her boobs were and how bad he wanted to see them.
I felt as though my heart dropped through my stomach. When he got home and i heard it, i only heard a bit because the conversation was 2 hours long and i questioned him. he went on to say he was joking and some ‘young girl’ came onto him and he simpy asked her how old she was before telling her he was married. I asked him where he was and he named a pizza place 10 miles away. the next day when i found out it was all a lie, i confronted him and he got mad about me putting the app on his phone and then said that it was my fault for accusing him after the text message was found. he claimed that he is killing hiself working to take care of our family and i have been dogging him out. I was going hard at him after the text because i really did believe he wrote it. there were terms that he uses in the text as well as information about a person who he works with so no i did not believe him and i pointed out that he could have just given me the phone to call the person and the whole thing could have been fine but he did not do that.
I just don’t trust him anymore. i don’t feel like i am in love with him because of the way he acted. I think even if he was mad, he took things way too far. you just don’t sit around making sexual comments towards other women. Now his story is that his trainee who was on the phone is 19 and he was asking her age for him. I’m just really done and i dont know what to believe. he keeps pointing out the fact that he did tell his friend that he has never cheated on me but i just don’t know my family keeps telling me that all men cheat and i should be happy that the little comments are all that is happening and forgive him. the problem is, he is not sorry at all and continues to say it is my fault for ‘running a good man into the ground’. im just really disgusted with the whole situation. i havent left because of my kids. they just lost two great grandparents and grandpa (who they were really close to and say everyday) and they really don’t need this right now.
I love my husband but the words he said about this girl and the way he spoke to her will forever play in my head. it breaks my heart and i cry nearly everyday. i just don’t understand how he can be so blase about it all. i’m dealing with the loss of my dad and a child who is sick and he just chipped away the last little bit of me. I feel completely hopeless. He claims it was only ‘guy talk’ and i shouldn’t have heard it. he also claims he was not even interested but was blowing off steam because of me pushing him away. that really does not make it hurt less. i have to drive past this place everyday and each time, i want to punch him in his face.