(Closed) Husband Made Sexual Comments To A Waitress! Trust Not Rebuilding.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Wow girl I’m sorry,  but things aren’t good between you two,  in fact, things are very bad, and on  the verge of exploding.  Your HB maybe had not cheated but if things keep going the same direction he will.  You saying he is older. .. some older men have a midlife crisis when they do stupid shit and break their families. There is no excuse for this atrocious behavior.  I strongly suggest family counseling at this point.  You deserve better than this.  Something bad is going on with your  HB,  And you need professional help

Post # 3
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t have a lot of advice for you. Just wanted you to know I read it.

My only thoughts … innocent men don’t get angry and defensive when confronted with something untrue and incriminating. They get confused and sad and want to fix it. And I don’t buy the “it was his friend using the same Google Voice account” garbage.

How long ago did the texts with the gym girl happen? Is it possible that this is the same girl whose breasts he was saying he wanted to see?

At minimum, you’re married to a stereotypical middle aged perv who hits on teenagers and behaves inappropriately around women in general. A deal breaker for me, but I’m not you. At worst, he could be having an affair, but to me it seems unlikely. I don’t think a guy trying to conceal an affair would be so callously, inappropriately sexual in conversation to his friends.

Post # 4
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
tagerosan: 

 I totally agree things are not going well I would suggest some therapy for the two of you.  I am sorry that you are having such a rough time especially with your child being sick this is when you need him on your team the most. I really don’t know if this marriage is able to be fixed it seems very far gone 🙁

Post # 5
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee

I read almost this whole thing but something that is really standing out and confusing me is, you have been with him for 18 years and been with no one else and yet you say “my” baby and “my” kids, not our kids … are they his kids too?  It just sounds like this is not much of a partnership?  It also sounds like a sort of early mid life crisis.  You two have a lot of talking to do to try and rebuild your relationship.  A counselor might help the two of you get talking and ask the right questions. 

Post # 6
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee

Your husband sounds like a fucking creep. I wouldn’t spend a second of my time with someone who sexually harrassed adults–let alone teenagers, let alone teenagers on the clock who know they would lose their job if they stand up to him. That’s not about infidelity, it’s about predatory behavior and enjoying making another person feel uncomfortable. 

You don’t trust each other and you don’t respect each other. What’s left?

Post # 7
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee

He sounds like he’s just gross. Sorry, I know he’s your boo and all but ughhhhh… I’d need a little break from him.

Post # 8
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
Scarlett11:  I thought I was the only one that noticed this.

Post # 9
Member
269 posts
Helper bee

You lost me at installing an app onto his phone to listen to all of his conversations without his consent. He sounds like he’s sketchy, but that seems way over a line. The behavior toward the waitress is disrespectful to her and you both, and it is gross. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with everything and wondering if he’s cheating. From the text you found, that is what I would think too. To echo the prior bees, counseling or moving on sounds like a good idea.

Post # 10
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Don’t fall for the “my trainee/friend/bob the janitor” sent the text message. You know he did it, and his behaviour continues to confirm it. Would someone who has nothing to hide throw such a fit he completely destroyed his phone? 

He’s a creep, he is completely disrespecting you and your marriage AND he was making sexually suggestive comments TO A MINOR. That is a major deal breaker for me, but like a previous poster stated, I’m not you. Do you have daughters? What would you do if a 40-year old male was speaking to/of your daughter like that? 

Post # 11
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

Uhm… again… what the f*ck did I just read????

I would have ended up leaving and taking the kids when he started throwing stuff to the wall.  Anger is a normal outlet, I can understand screaming your frustrations and arguing and walking away.  But once you put the effort to throw/hit anything or anyone, I will be out of there.  I won’t even finish arguing, I will leave.  He can come to me when he’s calmer. 

Think about it this way:  HE THREW A PHONE TO THE WALL.  That’s hundreds of dollars of equipment just so he could hide the number and you can’t text/call that random person.  If it’s truly his friend’s, he wouldn’t throw the phone because why lose your phone over your friend’s little side piece?  I mean, once you call the chick the thing can be straightened out right?  NOPE.  He just didn’t want you to call the girl, because then the truth will out.  This is beyond red flag, to me, this is an act of admitting guilt. 

Post # 12
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’d recommend individual counseling for you to figure out what you want and how this relationship does or does not meet those wants and needs.

Post # 13
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

I really feel for you.  This sounds awful.  I’m not sure I could put up with it, but it’s easy to say that when you are not in that position.  I was married before and my ex was a complete jerk.  I didn’t feel safe at all until one day 6 years in I hit my breaking point and just walked away.  I would recommend counseling, even if you go by yourself 

Post # 14
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Oh man.  This is a quagmire!  And you know the best offense is a defense.  So as he is so defensive – destroying his phone – lying – lying and lying some more – these are all RED flags.  You know it and love may not be enough.  There’s a breakdown in the marriage and he’s expressed his displeasure with how you look.  You don’t trust him.  He is itching for something “more”.  I don’t know what to tell you other than pray honey!  Pray and perhaps suggest you two see a counselor.  

 

Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I’m sorry to say but your husband is right, you are and have ruined your marriage. You sound very insecure paticularly towards younger women. So what the guy commented on some chick, who cares, comments are just comments you blowing things way out of proportion. 

Serioulsy, I really thought after installing the apps, you were going to find some deep sh!t, but you didn’t. I’m not saying the commenting was right of him, but it’s not something to leave him for or going crazy about. The problems you’re having with him after 18 years could be worked out, it’s all minor. Go to counseling with him, and try to work things out. You need to breah, relax, and talk it through with him calmly. Tell him calmly how upset it makes you to comment on another woman the way that he did, and you don’t want it to happen again. Believe me, you don’t want to leave your husband of 18 years over a little comment. You need to build your self esteem so you won’t be so insecure, work on yourself. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by MissDAn.

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