(Closed) Husband Made Sexual Comments To A Waitress! Trust Not Rebuilding.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

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MissDAn:  I disagree. Being grossed out that your 40 year old husband said multiple lascivious comments to a minor is not a sign of insecurity. Also, maybe commenting on other women is ok with you and your relationship, but it’s not with OP and that’s what this is about. You shouldn’t impose your own relationship boundaries on someone else. Telling someone you know almost nothing about that they “ruined” their marriage is way too harsh, IMO.

Post # 17
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this! It sounds like a really complicated situation with a lot of variables and I agree with other PPs that counseling is probably your best bet. Good luck!

Post # 18
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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radem:  I don’t care whether you agree with me or disagree with me, that’s just my opinion on things and I’m entitled to my own opinion as you are to yours. If you re-read what I said, I said it wasn’t ok that he comments like that, but I said they should get counseling, it’s nothing major to leave someone of 18years over. That’s what i said. And lastly, her husband did not know she was 17 at first so pay attention! 

And oh, I didn’t say she ruined it, I said her husband is right about saying she ruined it! 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by MissDAn.
Post # 19
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Your husband sounds like a creep, and it’s incredibly gross that he was sexually harassing a 17 year old girl at her job. That’s disgusting, and he seemed to take a kind of sick pride in it too.

I don’t believe his BS about those being a friend’s text messages or whatever, and thankfully, it doesn’t sound like you do either. 

I also noticed your use of “my kids” instead of “our kids.” It doesn’t sound like much of a partnership. 

I can see why you’ve lost respect for him. I hope you make the right decision for yourself. Please keep us updated, OP. *hugs*

Post # 20
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

 

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MissDAn:  Comments are NEVER just comments. They reflect the emotional health of the relationship. I don’t think the OP ruined anything…her husband has given her plenty of reasons to distrust him. 

 

OP, like everyone else, I suggest counseling. Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker or not. 

Post # 21
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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jeansaprincess:  Do you have somewhere you can stay for a few days? Something needs to be done to show him this is NOT okay. He seems to think he can hold “him working hard” over your head as a one-up of sorts. Fuck that. Real men dont complain about that IMO, and they don’t hit on little girls (or anyone). I’m really sorry. I’d be absolutely devastated after putting in 18 years.

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MissDAn:  Really?

Post # 23
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

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MissDAn:  It’s not right to be saying things or even thinking about things like that regardless if that person was above 18. It’s disrespectful and disgusting, doesn’t matter if it was a male or female.

I wouldn’t want a husband that treats humans like that.

Post # 24
Member
2366 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

It sounds like your marriage has hit a rough patch. could be a midlife crisis. If it were me I’d get to a therapists office and the gym. Therapy will help you decide what you want and the gym will keep you sane while you do it. Good luck Bee

Post # 25
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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jillbean1217:  
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CaptainSpaulding:  
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Bunnyland:  Again like I said, it’s my opinion and I’m entitled to that. I don’t care if ya disagree with me or not, I’m just giving my two cents on it just like you are. So if anyone is going to disagree with me, I DON’T CARE, to each his own. Lastly, I never said the comments were ok, I said it’s not something to just leave for after 18years especially when children are involved, it’s something to talk about and get counseling for, that’s what I said. Now back off!!!

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by MissDAn.
Post # 28
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It sounds like he’s not really taking into consideration what you’re going through or the fact that you need time to heal from this. Also I completely disagree that you’re overreacting, insecure, or need to “work on yourself”. That’s ridiculous. You’re responding normally to an abnormal situation. The way he was acting was hurtful and in my opinion a form of cheating….especially the texting and the blatant lies. You deserve the truth and to be respected. I’m sorry that you’re going through this.

Post # 29
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

You can disagree all you want, like I said to each his own. Are we in slavery where we can’t state or own opinons here? I’m not here to make other bees happy with my opions like most bees rae on here, I’m here to say what I think, if you don’t like it, that’s fine, but don’t tell me what I’m able to say or not! Again, I stand by what I say, insecurities will break you! Change that. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by MissDAn.
Post # 30
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee

He needs to fucking apologize to that little girl, In My Humble Opinion if he wants yo make right with you. It shows disrespect to you what he did, and to your marriage, but as so to that child and women as a whole. That poor girl had to sit there being kind as her job required it, while he took advantage of that and turned her in to meat.

 

I think counseling or time apart is necessary.

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