(Closed) husband not invited to the wedding with me….. thoughts?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 76
Member
2327 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

The day I married my husband, the priest said something that really stuck with us. He said “you are one flesh now”. Other than baby showers, bridal showers and bachelorette parties, if he doesn’t get invited, I don’t go. And vice versa. We are one flesh, we are one and that’s not something some bride can disregard because she wants to invite her friends. 

Id decline, not even regretfully, enjoy your 4 day weekend celebrating your love with your husband!! 

Post # 77
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

There is another thread over in Etiquette where a bee is asking if it’s rude to not invite a friend’s fiancee (they only recently found out they were engaged) and most people are saying it’s totally fine!  I don’t agree, I think committed couples should always be invited together (married, engaged or otherwise) and I would absoloutely decline.  I have declined an invite to a friend’s wedding because she didn’t invite my SO – we weren’t engaged or married.  I didn’t like it but it was her choice so I just declined as did two of our mutual friends.  Nothing you can do – either decline or simply go alone if you really want to attend but I wouldn’t.  I live in Vancouver so I know how far away Manitoba is!

Post # 78
Member
1386 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d decline. We had a smaller wedding, but I still invited all my friends husbands. It’s just the nice thing to do. 

Post # 79
Member
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree with many of the other bees–I would decline if my husband weren’t invited. If it were a small, local wedding, that would be one thing, I suppose. But I still think it’s rude to invite 1/2 of a married couple.

Post # 80
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My understanding is that it is acceptable to invite a single person without giving him or her a plus one, but a married couple should be invited together.

Post # 81
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
ScarlettOHara:  You are referring to my post, and the girl was not invited because when invites went out, the guy was single. They got engaged after invites went out. I guess I don’t understand why people think I need to be obligated to invite her when my guest list is at capacity? Not to mention, in my case it’s not even a wedding invite, it’s a dinner invite 15 minutes away from where they live, totally different scenario than the OP’s.

In this situation, the OP IS married PLUS she has to travel. That is a completely different situation than mine. If I were OP I would decline, I wouldn’t want to travel for a wedding without my husband. 

Post # 82
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

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Lakeside003: I’m not at all saying you’re wrong, it’s totally your choice I guess in this instance most people are saying that engaged or married couples should be invited together whereas in your case (and I actually think I may have mixed you up with another thread, there’s another one where the OP just wants to invite SOs that they actually know well…I think) people are saying it’s fine.  I don’t think the fact that your invites are gone already changes anything from the whole etiquette point of view – your friend obviously wasn’t single, he was in a relationship about to get engaged, you guys just didn’t know.  The capacity issue is totally separate obviously.  But in this regard, I’m just saying, in my opinion, I don’t think circumstances like location (travel is irrelevant, in my view there’s no reasonable reason to exclude an SO) or whether the couple in question is married or not should make a difference – I think all couples, married or not, should be treated equally and not arbitrarily judged on the basis of their legal status.  But that’s just me 🙂

Post # 83
Member
21 posts
Newbee

I have to agree with everyone, I wouldn’t attend personally. Unless she was a really REALLY good friend, then I would decline. It’s not like its around the corner so you have a nice excuse not to go. I can kinda understand where she is coming from if its a budget thing but I think it’s a bit rude how she has handled that situation. 

Post # 84
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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carolinabelle:  “why the hell would I want to make friends at YOUR wedding, that’s not why I’m there”

No, but you’re also not there for date night with your husband. I agree that it was rude to invite one and not the other but maybe it would’ve been more rude to invite neither of them. We only know one side here so we don’t know her actual reasons for not inviting the husband, but I wouldn’t skip a good friends wedding on prinicple because she did something “rude”. I’d still go, bring hubby along. If it’s a 4 day trip and a wedding is what.. like 4-5 hours? you can still have fun with him and he can have a few hours to himself. 

Again, I’m not saying it wasn’t rude, I’m just saying that it wouldn’t stop me from going if I were good friends (and apparently they are if she was willing to make this trip) with the bride.

Post # 85
Member
3234 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
juliastl: My good friend would not tell me my husband was not welcome at her wedding. If she did, we would no longer be good friends, so that point is void. 

If you ask me to come to your wedding to celebrate your marriage, you should not ignore, disrespect or discount mine – THAT is why it is rude to invite someone without their husband, not because they want to make a date night out of it. If I’m going to get dressed up and go to your party I want to be able to enjoy the dinner conversation, dancing, etc. with my husband. 

It most certainly would be less rude to invite neither.

Post # 86
Member
6515 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
meetmethere2013:  i wouldnt go. Sorry but thats a lame excuse And disrespectful. He is your husband, you a package deal.

Post # 87
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Boettcher Mansion

How close are you with this friend? I guess to me, it would really come down to how important it is to you to be at your friend’s wedding. If it were a really close friend, I could see you going to the wedding just to be there to support her, but if she’s a friend that isn’t that close, I would decline. 

It was rude to not invite you with your husband, but it’s too late for that now without it being awkward or forced: you know how she feels, and she’s chosen not to invite your husband due to her guest list being at capacity. 

It really comes down to how important it is to you to be at her wedding versus how disappointed your husband will be if he isn’t able to go with you. Unfortunately it sounds like he was excited to go with you (understandably), so personally I would respectfully decline and send a gift with both your names on the card. That’s just me, though. 

Post # 89
Member
43 posts
Newbee

View original reply
juliastl:  +1000

If OP is good friends with the bride, I don’t think she should just decline an invite because the bride didn’t follow traditional etiquette. Honestly, how many of us are going against the damn grain with our weddings anyway? As juliastl said, we only know one side. I’ve had issues where Fiance was invited to something and I wasn’t. I just got over it, kept busy for a few hours, and met up with him after. Life went on. The bride is not controlling whether or not your husband goes with you on your trip, he can relax at the hotel for a couple hours, plus you can always leave the reception early and go spend time with him instead, or even just go for the wedding and skip the reception. Personally, I don’t think you should just decline. 

Post # 90
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

View original reply
carolinabelle:  It’s just a difference of opinions and views then I suppose. I would never cut off a good friend for not inviting my husband/FI/SO to a wedding, I’d talk about how it was rude to him, but even if I didn’t go I wouldn’t break a friendship over it. 

Honestly I don’t think any man I’ve ever dated would care that much about missing a wedding, they probably wouldve been thrilled to get the vacation without the wedding. Again, I’m not saying it’s not rude, I just don’t think it’s worth damaging a friendship over.

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