(Closed) husband not invited to the wedding with me….. thoughts?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 106
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
meetmethere2013:  It’s incredibly rude not to invite people’s spouses. Don’t go.

Post # 107
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

Wow, rude.

If you care about being there for her wedding, gently point out that she’s committed a huge etiquette faux past and you would like to bring your husband. Maybe she’ll budge if you push back.

Post # 108
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Totally playing devil’s advocate here, just because i was single for so many years…but from a single person’s point of view, it’s kind of unfair to expect her to invite a spouse automatically if that means she then has to exclude one of her single friends. As a single person, that always made me kind of sad, basically like i was less important than a non-single person.

Post # 109
Member
33 posts
Newbee

just curious for those who would decline….if you werent invited at all would you be offended at not getting an invite?

Post # 110
Member
18 posts
Newbee

Id say…. cant go, sorry not sorry.

Post # 111
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
Honey2002:  Just my personal opinion, but I would rather not be invited at all than be invited without my SO. I feel like we’re a package deal, and if space (or cost or whatever) is an issue, then you don’t invite either of us and I’m totally ok with that.

I would respectfully decline. I might go on the 4 day vacation anyway, and let your friend know that you’re going to be in town if she wants to visit with you and your husband in the days following the wedding.

Post # 112
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
Honey2002:  Eh, it depends.  I would imagine that if I was close enough to the bride and/or groom to “expect” an invite, they would know my theoretical husband too.  (It’s Fiance right now, and in that case, I would defer to the size of the wedding and whether other engaged couplees were invited- I wouldn’t be offended if it was a tiny wedding.)

 

OP, are you a co-worker of this woman?  I’ve heard of events where only the actual co-worker is invited, not the spouse.  I don’t necessarily agree, but just wondering if that’s the case here.

Post # 113
Member
2097 posts
Buzzing bee

What everyone said… I would decline. Of course it’s her wedding and she can do as she pleases, invite whoever she so chooses. But she must/should realize that this will come with a cost. Same as DWs, some people will not come. You might also want to consider that she doesn’t REALLY want you to come. She might be hoping to keep the numbers very small for $$ if she is pulling this stunt. As in, she loves you enough to invite you but not so much to make sure you will come by inviting your husband. That would make me mad and I wouldn’t go. Either A) she doesn’t really care if you don’t come or B)she expects you to travel and pay for hotels and spend a whole holiday weekend without hubs? Either way, I wouldn’t go. But yes, just to give the benefit of the doubt of really wanting you there I would explain why in time for her to recitify it if she so chooses. I would email somehting like “Unfortunatley, we only have a limited budget and time for travel/getaway weekends and so we have agreed to do so when we can travel together. Since he’s not invited to the wedding, I’ll have to decline then. I’ll be sending you best wishes and can’t wait to see pictures!” 

Post # 114
Member
9260 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
joyce261:  It wouldn’t automatically mean excluding a single friend. It could mean excluding a 2nd cousin or a married couple they’re less close to. Nobody is suggesting they only have married people at the wedding. They’re saying it’s not acceptable to invite one member of a married coupld and not the either. Either choose a venue that will accommodate everyone (including spouses) or decide who you’ll have to cut in order to include spouses. If you’re the one who ends up getting cut, it’s not because you’re single. It’s because the bride or groom decided someone else was closer.

Post # 115
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
joyce261:  I get that, but if the bride is so tight on space where she has to pick between a friend’s spouse and a single friend then she needs to rethink her venue.

Post # 118
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
meetmethere2013:  I think there is no debate on if this is rude or not… I mean its pretty much a known rule to just about everyone that you always invite a married couple together (assuming its not some really out there situation like he is in jail or an axe murderer or your ex-husband or something else very specific)

that being said there might be some situations that I would let it go and still attend (tiny wedding of 20 ppl and I was only non-immediate family attending or work/school friends and we were all going as a group) but seeing that they have met, they went to your wedding, he has been to her house and you guys are traveling for the wedding this seems like a big slap in the face to me!

I think with all these details I would probably just decline since it sounds like she doesn’t care that much about you so why waste any time/energy on her

Post # 119
Member
1054 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly I wouldn’t be super mad. I think he should have been invited, especially since you are traveling, but I would appreciate the fact that she reached out to you before hand rather than you getting the invite and wondering why he wasn’t on there. To me, that says that she does want you there even though she can’t invite you both. I wouldn’t blame you for not going and even for being a little annoyed, but I wouldn’t be angry over it. 

The topic ‘husband not invited to the wedding with me….. thoughts?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors