Husband put a tracking device on my car

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

This is very sad. He is obviously still struggling. When did he start tracking you today? Right when you left the house? He needs therapy. Sorry you’re going through this, esp while pregnant. 

Post # 5
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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anonbeerant678 :  ahh hell no. I’d be absolutely livid if my husband did this to me! 

The issue here is not that your pregnancy cravings took you to get a biscuit and you felt silly telling him that, the issue is that your husband clearly doesn’t trust you and hasn’t for awhile now.

I’m glad you made a counseling appointment. Until then, I suggest you both give each other the respectful space you need during this time. I’m sorry you’re going through this bee.

Post # 6
Member
2919 posts
Sugar bee

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anonbeerant678 :  I’m really sorry Bee. Ordinarily, I would completely call this a breach of trust and say everything is uncalled for. However, my husband served in the military and so did almost all of my exes. My sister’s fiancé is ex military too. It’s hard to understand from someone on the outside looking in, but a LOT people who have served have issues. I think a lot hide them well but they go through so much in such short periods of time with little to no outlet to decompress (lack of counseling/debriefing in my opinion). They either have some form of addiction, PTSD, coping mechanisms that aren’t healthy, detachment, etc. 

Ordinarily I would say that your husband acting paranoid is an excuse to be controlling but in this case it sounds like he has some severe issues that he needs to work through. I really think he needs individual therapy and it would probably help for you two to get marriage counseling as well. 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

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sarathemermaid :  100% this!!

While it isn’t an excuse for his behavior, your husband’s situation and past has to be looked at and addressed differently than a non-military guy. He needs to see someone who can help him work through his PTSD and combat related anxiety. 

Usually I’d say heck no but I truly think this is different and only a professional counselor can help him/you guys work through this. 

Post # 10
Member
559 posts
Busy bee

For his part, I’m going to bet he didn’t tell you about the tracker because he felt a bit silly or paranoid and wanted to seem to you like he was doing better with his paranoia and PTSD than he really is. He probably thought you would be fine sharing your information with him since you wanted the app earlier. He shouldn’t have hidden it from you and more counseling for him is certainly warranted. No one should have to go through life so afraid all the time, but that’s a loooong road he’s on– if he is ever able to feel normal again. Deployments change people forever, which sucks. 

For your part, you know you have a partner with mental health issues who is paranoid and worried constantly for your safety, yet you lied about your whereabouts to him. That’s going to be one more nagging thing stuck in the back of his brain. Why? Because you felt silly? Neither your action nor his on its own is a big thing; the problem is that you two have both hidden things from each other which made it an issue.

It doesn’t sound to me like you guys have a broken, bad, controlling relationship or anything like that- just two people who need to make more of a serious effort at communicating clearly and honestly with each other. Counseling is a great idea for both of you. Wishing you both well 

 

Post # 11
Member
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

This is crazy pants bee. I’m sorry your husband is dealing with mental health struggles due to his service but he’s got to find a way to manage them better than installing tracking devices on your car. What else could he be doing that you don’t know about?

I don’t know what I would do in your place. I’m sympathetic to his struggles but that would only go so far with me until it becomes an easy excuse for bad behavior. That’s a slippery slope that only you can judge. Counseling for sure as a start.

Post # 12
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

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anonbeerant678 :  Im sympathetic to your husband because of what may have caused his issues, however, whatever there cause is that doesn’t mean this is acceptable behaviour or it won’t escalate. I think he needs to take serious action with his mental health ASAP. 

This sounds bad, but I do know and have heard of a lot of guys who have been deployed who do turn very violent and controlling, yes it’s sad, but the safety of your children and family should always come before catering to their emotions. I know that as a military wife you have probably accepted there are some things that you may have to put up with that other women wouldn’t, but at same point there has to be a line that can be crossed. To me this is crossing the line and I would be telling him he needs to get serious help, no excuses or arguments.

Post # 13
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

He needs help. He’s been spying on you, apparently for months, with no reason not to trust you. I understand that he has issues related to his past, and that will not go away on its own. It is definitely time for him to go back to individual counseling. He needs help to overcome his paranoid tendencies, or this only get worse. 

Post # 14
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

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anonbeerant678 :  this seems like a major breach of trust. he knows that he struggles with paranoia and mental health, and it’s clear that you sympathize with him on that and don’t hold it against him; however, this was him inflicting that general lack of trust onto the woman pregnant with his second child.

even WORSE, he’s clearly been doing it for months and thought he’d have his “gotcha” moment this morning when he caught you doing something outside the norm. honestly, that’s fucking insane. 

I would be absolutely livid, and would probably go batshit crazy being stuck in the same space with him due to the inability to leave the house for a few days.

Post # 15
Member
3647 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

He needs individual counseling right away. If he was truly doing it in case of an emergency, then he wouldn’t have had to keep it a secret. 

I think he needs to do a lot more work towards recovering from the trauma of deployment, and it may help to have him go to a therapist who specializes in working with veterans.

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