- 1 year ago
- Wedding: December 2014
I used to visit the bee often, and I’m honestly so sad right now that it’s the first place I thought to come. I realize I (i.e. my husband) will probably be ripped to shreds, but I really just need to get this off my chest.
I’m 28, my husband is 31 – we have been together for 8 years and married for just over 5 years. We have a toddler, and I’m very newly pregnant with our 2nd baby. I would say we have a good relationship, although my husband does have severe PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder and depression resulting from a deployment several years ago. We have had several issues throughout our relationship stemming from his mental health problems. In the shortest explanation possible, he has struggled with addiction (thankfully sober for quite some time), lack of motivation, withdrawal, and severe paranoia. It has taken endless amounts of patience and support on my end to work through these issues and it has honestly been a huge part of our life. He is extremely untrusting of most individuals to the point that we have to leave the television on at max volume when we leave the house to “deter intruders”.
I feel like things have been great for the past several years. He got out of the military, went back to school and graduated top of his class. He got a fantastic job and has won awards the past 3 quarters along with 2 promotions in 9 months. He’s a fantastic dad and things just generally seemed good, until today…
I found out that my husband secretly bought and installed a tracking device on my car several months ago. It could have been longer, who knows, but I purchased this car in December. I know this because we had a very stupid incident this morning in which I decided on a whim to drive to the city next to ours (we live in a pretty rural area) to pick up breakfast because I was really craving this certain item from a particular restaurant. By the time my husband called me, I was back in our town and had swung into the Starbucks to grab a specific drink (ugh pregnancy). I felt so silly about driving over an hour for a biscuit, that I only told my husband I was getting coffee down the street. I am not one to tell little white lies, and to be honest I didn’t do it maliciously, it’s just that suddenly it sounded so stupid to me that I literally made a TRIP for a biscuit. He asked me some more questions about where I was, etc. which was strange and I just told him I had gone for a drive (I haven’t left the house in 3 weeks) and I was getting drinks and I’d be back soon.
I got home and he immediately started interrogating me. It was obvious that he knew I had driven to this place for breakfast. I admitted it, said sorry, tried to explain but obviously circled back to HOW the heck he knew exactly where I had been that morning. He admitted to the tracking device and I was, and still am, absolutely enraged. His reasoning is that this device is for my safety in the event of an emergency. He says I have no way to defend myself (he’s pro gun, I don’t carry guns because I’m just not personally comfortable) so he needs to be able to protect me if something were to happen. He literally could NOT understand why I was upset, and instead said I was turning it around because I am the one that lied to him! All this time I keep thinking back to several months ago, I told him about the Life360 app because I thought it would be great for safety reasons. If you aren’t familiar, you have a “circle” and you share your location with those people. I remember he said he didn’t want to leave his location on his phone constantly (which is true, he has always been paranoid about that) so we didn’t move forward with the app. But, he knew I was okay with being open to him about my whereabouts, so why would he be so secretive about this? To be honest I wouldn’t even care, I have nothing to hide, but the fact that I’ve been lied to for months and months feels like a huge breach of privacy and trust. I’m just so upset with him right now and I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t even know what else to say. I scheduled a counseling session for Tuesday but the thought of being quarantined in this house with him until then makes me upset.