(Closed) Husband quit his job… update

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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MrsBee2U:  Actually, if you read her previous thread about this that’s almost exactly what he did. He made all of the arrangements to quit his job and take a new one without her knowledge, and then blindsided her with the news that he was quitting his secure job with health insurance to take one at a start-up at a much lower pay rate with no health insurance for the family. Hence why many bees are up in arms about his making her feel guilty about trying to fix his thoughtless, selfish mistake and why some are calling him an asshole.

Post # 48
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Why should you quit your job when you’re the only one who can provide health insurance at this point? Your hushand is selfish, controlling, and irrational. He seems to think he can make huge career decisions without telling you, but when it’s about your career he thinks he gets to tell you what to do? That’s such BS. 

I hope you don’t get offended at this question, and you might not consider it an option (which is fine!), but… have you considered an abortion? You don’t seem happy about the pregnancy, it’s clearly not the right time for you guys financially, your marriage is unstable and might not make it, and you already have a baby to take care of on top of it. I’m not saying you SHOULD have an abortion. Just reminding you that it’s an option and a choice and you have every right to make that choice IF you think it’s the best decision for you and your family. I truly apologize if this was hurtful or offensive In any way. I only wish the best for you and your family!

Post # 49
Member
208 posts
Helper bee

 

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CakeSniffer:  Why thank you!!! because i definitely didnt know that part.

Ok now im pissed.  I was definitely under the assumption that this was known the entire time and it wasnt a surprised. Lawd im so mad for you now. 🙁 I thought this was all something known smh. How can someone do that!!!!?? your husband rather. sigh Id be ready to kick some a** . Communication definitely needs to take place here to move past this. a plan and communication. about everything!!!! you cant just make a decision on ur own and come home and say deal with it as though you were apart of the plan the entire time! 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by MrsBee2U.
Post # 50
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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whatjusthappened:  There’s a lot going on here. You guys need to make time for counseling. I can’t blame you for being angry, upset and not trusting your husband to do what’s in the best interest of your family because he hasn’t. Healthcare alone should be enough for someone who is married with a young child to keep their job. That’s huge. Don’t let him emotionally manipulate you into being totally dependent on him. One major sickness (children get sick A LOT) and the medical bills could bankrupt your family without insurance. You didn’t break the agreement, he changed the terms and conditions and assumed you would blindly agree. You working is what’s best for your family right now. He needs to put on his big boy pants and understand that he isn’t providing in the way yall initially agreed and get over his pride and ego. Your kid being in daycare 3 days a week is not the end of the world.

Post # 51
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

I’ve read all of your updates. IMO you should NOT quit your job. You’re keeping your feet on the ground, and that’s good. His sudden career change put you all in a very difficult position. I think your husband is just telling you in a very awkward way, “Please trust me, I’ll be the breadwinner no matter what job I choose”. You need to come to terms with your emotions, as you have already guessed. You can leave your job once his financial position is established again. Could that be a compromise you’d both be willing to accept? 

Post # 52
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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whatjusthappened: Another thing that really bothers me is the underlying sentiments behind your husband’s opinions/actions. He has been so tremendously disrespectful, he obviously doesn’t think very highly of you if he feels your input on his career (and your household finances) is not needed.

Also why is he willfully ignoring your current financial situation? Is he so pig-headed that he simply refuses to acknowlege his income is insufficient for your monthly bills? Or is he stupid, can he not understand basic math? Or is he thinking it’s a-ok to drain your savings and just hope his new job eventually pays your bills? Any one of those explainations would be deal breakers for me…but maybe the financial line is the one you can draw to make or break the marriage: you could agree to quit your job when he earns more than X, and he could agree that he returns to his old job when your savings is below Y. Personally I wouldn’t be able to forgive him, I think his actions are totally unforgivable and you should leave him, but if you want to stay maybe that’s the sort of agreement you could reach.

Post # 53
Member
3664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Keep the job until at the very least he as able to provide health insurance for the entire family. You have a young child and a baby on the way. Not having health insurance is not an option. It doesn’t sound like he has the best interest of the family in mind, just himself. He is only thinking about himself. You on the other hand are thinking about the family as a whole and you are doing the right thing, which is providing yourself, and your family, the security your husband snatched away from you. 

You may not be able to get him to recognize the precarious position he has put all of you in, but you know you are doing what needs to be done. Don’t let him convince you otherwise. If you are to trust the he knows what he’s doing, he should be able to trust that you know what you’re doing. 

Post # 54
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

Husband, you have been making some incredibly rash and risky financial decisions lately. Now you want me to quit the job that provides our health insurance and keeps our heads above water? I won’t be doing that. I’m going to have to go with my own judgements and decisions as far as our finances go, unti you’ve demonstrated some stability with financial decisions. I’m also going to insist that we get couples counseling because we have gone terribly off the rails in our marriage and I have some very serious concerns about where we are heading. Very serious. This is not up for negotiation. 

Post # 55
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

Wyy would you quit a job that is providing the health insurance, that HE fucked up by leaving this other job? Has he lost his ever freaking mind??? You are all vulnerable to huge medical bills because of his foolishness. I woudn’t trust him after this betrayal. He’s not even making a lick sense now. I’d be strongly, working on my Plan B (ie. Get out of of dodge). He can not be trusted with common sense decisions. Look out for you and you baby. 

Post # 56
Member
750 posts
Busy bee

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whatjusthappened:  You poor thing. I think the bees have this pretty much covered as far as advice but I wanted to let you know that it sounds like a really sucky situation and I hope it gets better!

I don’t know your situation with your parents and family, and it doesn’t sound like you can afford to take any time of work, but it may be helpful for you two to have a break from each other. Maybe it will help with the resentment you both feel, and give him a wakeup call that it sounds like he (sorely) needs.

Post # 57
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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whatjusthappened:  Sorry, I misunderstood your situation.  I remember reading your previous post where first he told you it was a $90k cut.. but then he reassured you it was less – like $20-$25k cut…  Similary you mentioned earlier that his job is stable and making a good amount but you want to have your extra income…  I assumed that meant that he made enough to support your family – even if it’s barely.  But if he’s not making enough to solely pay the bills- especially if health care is not even in the picture yet – then that’s not a good income.  That’s a crappy income.

While logically it makes sense for him to go back to the job that can support the family I think if you force him back he will hold it against you and it will cause more strain on your two relationship.  As much as you would like to smack some sense into him – he needs to be voluntarily go back and not because of your condition.  

Like I mentioned earlier – you two need to figure out what kind of income you two can live on – that includes paying all the necessities without sacrificing yours and the kids future.  If you haven’t done so – sit down together and figure out what kind of income is needed to support the family.  He can’t argue over numbers that you both came up with together.  It might give him a clearer picture of what kind of income he needs to make in order to solely finanically support the family.  If he can’t make that kind of income but is still persistent that you go back to being a Stay-At-Home Wife then demand him to prove to you he will make ends meet for a couple of months without your finanical support, tapping into emergency funds or savings.  He lost your trust and he needs to earn it back.

Post # 58
Member
2366 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Bee I’m sorry for you.

i would simply tell your husband that since the two of you have an infant and a baby on the way you can’t quit a job that provides health insurance…period. 

Post # 59
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee

Hugs, Bee x

I’m just curious, why do you say “my” child/children? I know he’s the father so I’m not going to be facetious and ask if he is…. But I just wonder what this means about the role you see him playing in your family 

Post # 60
Member
833 posts
Busy bee

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Beegritte:  I don’t think that means anything. I say my child all the time. My partner plays a big role. If we were addressing someone together like the doctor I’d say ‘our’. 

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