(Closed) Husband quit his job… update

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee

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morningcoffee:  fair enough. I was just genuinely curious. language means a lot sometimes, sometime not so much. Thanks for replying 🙂

Post # 62
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If you are at the point where you are considering leaving, I think you should both see a counselor. You need more help than strangers on the Internet can give you. I do not agree with those telling you to divorce him. It may come to that, but there is a lot to consider before you decide to be a single mom raising two kids or have to face a joint custody situation. Nor do I agree with those who say it does not matter if the father is not living in the same house with the children. Divorce would be a huge step with significant consequences for both you, the kids, and your husband.

Not trying to minimize what he did – it was not right – but most marriages go through major crises. None of us know his side of the story, so of course there is going to be an outpouring of support for you. A counselor would be able to listen to both sides.

How do we know, for example, that he is not angry at you for an unplanned pregnancy? Pregnancies do not always happen on schedule, and hopefully in a marriage, people are ready to deal with it. What he did caused a huge financial crisis, but he may see you as at least half-responsible for the unplannned pregnancy that is adding to the financial crisis. Note that his response to the pregnancy is not to pressure or demand you get an abortion, as a number of men would. He actually wants the kids to be able to have their mother at home to take care of them, although yes, this is unrealistic if you need your job for health insurance.

I just think a counselor might be able to help you sit down with him and discuss this more calmly. 

Post # 63
Member
417 posts
Helper bee

Good luck with whatever you wind up doing, I am sure you will make the best decisions possible for your children, yourself and your husband.

I suggest counseling as the first step. He seems very dictoral and impractical in his thinking. You seem to have strong feelings about his actions that could make it hard to move forward.

Personally, I think going back to work so your family has health insurance and all the bills are paid is a sensible decision. I think if he does not want you to work, he must meet all the family needs. (Needs come before wants, especially children’s needs come before parents’ wants.) If he can not meet the family needs at the new job, he should look for another job, go back to the old one or get used to you working.

Take care.

Post # 64
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Honestly, if he is making enough income for the family without falling in short/debt or etc, I would just go along with what he is saying.

 

But. Since I am not actually in the situation, I dont know how tough the whole thing actually is.

 

I just wish you all the best. 

Post # 65
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
whatjusthappened:  hope you are doing well.

Awful situation to be in my heart goes out to you.
I’m definitely on your side, your husband’s decision was selfish and irresponsible, and he may not think so but he made poor judgement here and a very poor decision.  I think the decision that you made to go back to work was the most sensible and responsible thing to do and is in the best interest of taking care of your family.

Marriage is rough, sometimes we face incredibly difficult situations (sometimes self-inflicted by one partner or both as in your case right now) but that’s why the vows say for better or for worse – because whoever wrote them knows that times do get tough…so if you do decide that you want to work through this with him then counselling is a MUST because he needs to completely understand the importance of communication and team decision making that is necessary in marriage so that going forward things like this will not happen again, he also needs to understand he cannot behave this way in his thought process and decision making towards you and your marriage, unfortunately in the space you two are in right now you probably will not be able to help him see this and help him understand the error of his ways, but a good counsellor can (hopefully!). 

I know you’re angry at the decisions he made and the implications of those decisions, I would be angry too, but this is the first time he has done something like this right? Up to this point you guys were doing fine, had a good relationship, communicated well and made decisions together on the household and the kids etc…?
And now for whatever reason he used poor judgement in this one situation and made a bad decision BUT you married him for some good reason(s) right? So i’m hoping you guys can address the issues of what really happened here and get past this in a healthy way and work it out.

Wishing the best for you guys! And congrats on your baby on the way 🙂

Post # 66
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

Is this an ego thing with him? Does he feel less masculine knowing that his pregnant wife has to work because he doesn’t make enough money to support his family on his own? He could be worried about what other people think of him.

Like other bees have said, I think you staying with your new job is a wise decision! 

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