Post # 1
Hi there! So I am new to this site and I am looking for some advice.
Just the week before Christmas, my husband arrived home from work and told me he decided to quit his job. He had presented all the paperwork at HR and made his resignation official.
I was shocked, but I also wanted to be understanding and supportive, as I knew there must have been a really good reason for him quitting his job after more than 10 years working there.
He said he had a problem with a project he was involved in and he just couldn´t take it anymore. I was just learning about this, I had noticed he was worried and quiet and asked him many times if there was something going on and he didn´t say anything.
I have a good job and a business at the moment and we have calculated our expenses and I can cover them with my monthly income. However, I asked if he is looking for a new job. He says he doesn´t want to and he wants to join my business and he wants to bring other friends along, selling percentages of my business to them. I told him I don´t think it´s a right move and if he wants to join the business, he needs to learn about it before bringing more people along.
I feel like the burden of our expenses and running the business is on me and I am super stressed. I´ve never felt so stressed. We have an 11-month-old baby and I want to continue enjoying time with her and I can´t continue working more hours to compensate for the income we won´t be getting due to his lack of job, I expressed this to him. But he continues to refuse to look for a job somewhere else.
I really want to be supportive and I am doing my best not to scrumble down. I just want to get feedback from the community. What would you guys do?
Post # 2
My D H had an extended period of unemployment, so I understand the stressful nature of that situation. But!!! We talked about it before he quit his job, he was pursuing a passion project, and when it didn’t work out he went right back to work.
So… in your situation I’m pretty sure I would have a rage stroke. WTF was he even thinking?!? What is he thinking now?!? How did he not communicate any of this with you? There are so many questions! What he is doing is NOT OK!! His behavior is so bizarre to me I would wonder if he has a brain tumor pressing on the logical portions of his brain. Especially if you guys have a new baby!
He needs to go find another job. Not at your place of business. And just generally get his shit together! Oof. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I am furious for you.
Post # 3
Erm..Bee…this is NOT ok! First of all – he quit his job, because he didnt like the project he was working on…and didnt even think to consult or tell you first? NOT ok.
How old is he? How long has he been working for? What was he thinking?!
Secondly – doing what he did is PERHAPS all very well if he had a solid and realistic back up plan – already put into action. He is living in cloud cuckoo land.
You cant just “bring friends into a business” because you’re bored! That is an ABSOLUTE recipe for disaster.
DO. NOT. LET. HIM. ANYWHERE. NEAR. YOUR. BUSINESS. I’m sure its something you have worked hard for and worked hard at. Its incredibly insulting, shortsighted and childish to think he can just turn it into a jolly for his friends and start handing out shares like sweeties!
Honestly?…pack him off down to the job centre with a packed lunch pronto and tell him not to come home without a job.
Post # 4
Yeah, no. Everything is wrong with this.
Step one has to be to rule out any physical or psychological issues that could be sapping his drive and energ, as well as screwing with his perspective. Abruptly leaving a job after 10 years, with no realistic back up plan is not normal, Bee. His plan is nonsensical.
The most loving and supportive thing you can do is get him to the doctor. Use whatever incentive/reward/threat you have. This has to be done before things get even worse. You have to be an immovable object on the doctor issue.
Once you have a proper diagnosis or an all clear, you can figure out how to work on communication and everything else.
Post # 5
Is there some reason he didn’t bother consulting with you, his wife, about this major life decision he made unilaterally that impacts your family in a major way? I’d be completely astonished and furious if my husband made a move like that without talking to me first!
Agree with desertgypsy about the brain tumor theory…this is just insane.
Post # 6
i would say what the hell were you thinking quitting your job without talking to me first, especailly with a baby. you guys need to have a serious discussion and come up with a gameplan and timeline.
Post # 7
With an 11 month old baby and the week before Christmas I would be beyond fuming if my husband did this! I would honestly be tempted to send him to stay with his parents for a week like a child.
It is so disrespectful for him to do that without you both agreeing with it first.
He refuses to get another job? You need to give him a reality check here, he cannot refuse to get another job, it is not fair for you to take on more hours if you are working fulltime just because he doesn’t want to work.
Post # 8
<u>desertgypsy :</u> my SO would want to hope they had a brain tumor by way of explanation if they tried to pull something like this…
Or at the very least have letters from THREE separate, independent Doctors confirming diagnoses of Madness, or Depression or something..
Post # 9
becka101 : So he thinks he has the right to make plans about your business? Who does he think he is? Give him 2 months max, 3 if the job market is difficult in your area, to find a job. If he doesn’t, then…
You are more than capable to provide for yourself and your child, on your own.
Post # 10
Is it possible he was fired, but is too embarrassed to say? This is beyond strange.
Post # 11
HoneysHoney : I thought this as well. The only understandable-ish reason for him “refusing” to look for another job is that he was fired and potentially wouldn’t have a reference for his work history?
Post # 12
Wow. NO. He doesn’t just get to quit his job and tell you that he is joining YOUR business and telling YOU how to run it! And hand out shares of it!? OMG, I’d freak the eff out at that suggestion, especially as he hasn’t been a formal partner running the business.
ok, sure, let him be part of it, be a partner, and learn the ropes. As a side gig/hobby and mayyyyybe potential FT job IF AND WHEN it starts working out. But he should be job hunting in the meantime as he does that, and I would want to see that the income basically doubled for a set amount of time before I gave him the go ahead to consider it his FT job.
Post # 13
His reason for quitting doesn’t make sense, nor does his new “plan”. I’d try to figure out what is actually going on first. As pp said – maybe he was fired? Maybe he is suffering from depression? But either way, I would tell him that your business is non-negotiable. Unless he is going to be a stay at home dad (and you’re ok with that) and take care of everything else, he needs to figure something out.
Post # 14
HoneysHoney : This is what I was thinking.
OP, is this normal behavior for him? Making decisions that impact you without consulting you?
Post # 15
I love that his solution is to sell of parts of your business. Too kind!
There is a major problem here and you need to talk to him asap…..