(Closed) Husband said something about our wedding that has bothered me

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
481 posts
Helper bee

Dude, OP – I actually had the opposite experience about a week ago! I said something similar to my husband about our wedding, and how it was sort of (UNDERSTATEMENT) ruined by my mom being diagnosed with ovarian cancer literally a week before the wedding. All I remember about my wedding is being tired, frazzled, scared, sad, and lonely (I felt like my entire family was [rightly] focused on my mom and not on my “big day”). On a good day, I can remember feeling excited and in love… but not every day is a good day. I know that what I said hurt DH’s feelings because he wants to remember it as the best day of his life! In the future I won’t be so blatant about my neg. feelings. 

And maybe your husband wasn’t having a good day when he said all he could remember was being sick. He definitely didn’t mean to hurt you. He’s probably just glad it’s over and that he’s married to you. :}

Post # 47
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

OP, if it makes you feel any better, my mother can’t remember her wedding day due to her epilepsy and the memory loss associated with the hole in her brain that has caused the epilepsy.

She also can’t remember the birth of myself or my brother.

She doesn’t really care at all – she focuses on enjoying life, now, being in the moment.

She gives me a good perspective on these sorts of things.

Post # 48
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

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ebarnes0:  Boom! Conversation done! 

Post # 49
2505 posts
Sugar bee

I think you’re reading way to much into one little comment. The pain of being sick is still fresh in his mind. I’m sure it’s not actually the ONLY thing he remembers. You’re taking his comment way too literally.

Post # 50
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

are you bored?

seriously, you need to get over this and move on with your life. i really don’t understand how married bees even find the time and energy to mope over their wedding day. married life keeps me so busy. we are always planning something or going somewhere or figuring out our next move for the future. and when we get some down time, i’m reading a book or working out. seriously, move. on. with. your. life.

and you said “ It just upsets me that he feels that way. I know he didn’t feel good that day at all.” STOP. that’s all you need to say. you know he didn’t feel good that day. so why are you mad about how he felt? he was sick. what sense does this make? it doesn’t. move on.<br />

Post # 51
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can understand somewhat that when people place such heavy importance on how one day turns out, small snafus can really impact how you feel about it afterwards.  Personally, I really tried to avoid that and I think all of the PPs saying that a strong marriage is better than a great wedding day have it spot on.  It’s a matter of making up your mind to continue to wallow in disappointment and anger, or deciding to remember the good, laugh about the bad and move on with life.

Also….you seem to think that it’s ok for you to be disappointed about details of the day like hair and dresses and photos, but it upsets you that he was feeling sick and in pain.  Maybe he should be angry with you that all you can think about is how disappointed you are about something so shallow as hair?!?!  Um, no.  He should support you and you should support him.  I think it’s somewhat telling that your focus on this is not that he was actually in pain, but how that pain impacts how you feel about the day.

I hope you find a way to mentally work through this soon and leave the disappointment behind to enjoy your life.

Post # 52
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

the only thing i remember from my wedding day was how pissed off i was at my mother in law and how i just wanted the whole thing to be over with and i wish i eloped. 

My marriage is fine.  Weddings aren’t for everyone. 

Post # 53
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

It sucks when things just don’t go to plan. But that’s life. And your husband is not saying he hated the wedding. He is merely telling you something that probably because of all the craziness you didn’t even realize. Maybe you were feeling better but he was not. He was in a lot of pain and he sucked it up and only now told you how sick he still was. 

Maybe you should take a moment, stop thinking about how hurt you feel because he told you that and think about how HE must be feeling because he was so sick that he not only couldn’t enjoy his wedding but had to put a brave face and act like nothing was happening while feeling absolutely miserable!

Don’t know about you but I think if someone got the shorter end of the stick it was probably him. 

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