(Closed) Husband saying another girls name…alot?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3011 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh wow.  I’m so sorry to read that you’re going through this.  I can only imagine how emotionally draining this has become.  I can’t say I’d be thrilled if I heard another woman’s name often and by “accident” without knowing where it came from.  Something definitely seems suspicious.  I’m not sure if he’s doing it on purpose to make you jealous or he’s really that unconscious. Neither of which are good.  

I know this is standard advice, but I’m not sure what else to say.  You two need to have a serious talk.  You cannot continue on with any sort of relationship with him blurting out once certain name several times a day/week.  It’s not normal and it looks horrible on his part.  Especially because he tries to play it off like he’s dumbfounded.  

Has anything else in your relationship changed?  You really need to start re-evaluating a few things, but don’t drive yourself crazy.  If he’s unwilling to talk or help figure out where this is stemming from, then keep the rings off until he’s ready to cooperate.

I know this must be very hard for you to deal with.  I wish there was more I could say or do to help.  I do wish you the best of luck and hope everything turns out for the best.

Post # 4
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

Have you asked him where that name is coming from?

Post # 5
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

Have you talked to him about it? That would seem like the logical first step.

Post # 6
Member
3011 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@smiley3: I’m assuming so because she said that he acts like he’s pretty much dumbfounded that the name comes out of his mouth.  Just doesn’t seem right to begin with.

ETA: Nevermind.  Haha.

Post # 7
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

I have to disagree with Desiree, I don’t think this is a relationship breaking issue.  It’s not just you he is calling this other name, and there may be a valid reason for it.  I would not jump straight to cheating or that it’s his coworker.

Talk to him about it, get to the bottom of where it’s coming from him.

Post # 8
Member
3011 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@smiley3: How is it normal to call guys by the name of Erica though?  I’m not saying to throw your relationship down the drain.  I completely agree that they should have a talk, but as she said, enough is enough.  It’s going to drive her absolutely insanzy.

Post # 9
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@Secretone:i think it is a little strange…occasionally we all call each other someone else’s name at work…and once or twice I have accidentally called my Fiance my male co-workers name…just because I had to call him so many times that day…but that was like 2 yrs apart! and they were different names.

it can happen…but its strange that it keeps happening over and over again. I would definately try to talk to him about it.

Post # 10
Member
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Before jumping to any conclusion, you should at least consider the fact that he possibly is just slipping up. I used to work very closely with someone named Chris, and since I was constantly saying “Chris, can you…” “Chris, please do this…”, “Chris, can you get me…” 40 hours a week on an every day basis, I sometimes came home and mistakenly called my Fiance by the name of Chris.

Now, I talk to my Fiance so much, that I sometimes call my SISTER by his name when I talk to her!! It’s just the way my brain is used to working now. 3x a week is a bit excessive though.

But I would say, as a woman, if you have any kind of hunch or gut feeling, you’re probably right. Women’s intuition. In that case, I’d have a serious talk with him.

Post # 12
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m thinking there is an Erica somewhere in his life.  It could just be that he has worked a lot with this cowoker and got in the habit of calling out to her across the office or something.

I’m wondering if there are other problems or signs of trouble? 

I would be way less than thrilled to be called by the wrong name (and same girl name) over and over again by my spouse.

Post # 13
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@Secretone: If you are afraid of the way you will handle your emotions, then write a letter with your concerns and your worries (try not to be accusatory).  Tell him what you told us about the way it makes you feel etc.

Then ask him to read it and then you can discuss it afterwards. This way you get out everything you want to say and in the way you want to say it.  Let him respond to each item.

And I am sorry. I would have a very hard time with this as well I would suspect.  Hugs

Post # 14
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@smiley3: I have to agree.

Certainly this is a frustrating issue, but I feel like there has to be more to it than just being frustrated that he says her name. You are talking about him being faint of heart, which is not a very positive thing to say about the man you love and plan to spend the rest of your life with. Also, I would think that five years is a little past infatuation/fad point, so there must be some deeper unhappiness/insecurity fueling this. It seems really sudden/harsh to go from a perfect marriage to “ready to sign the divorce papers” over him using another name. I hate to be cliche, but yeah, you guys really need to have a talk. And you both need to be seriously introspective between conversations.

I know that personally, for a while, my ex’s name used to be in my head ALL THE TIME. I never called my fiance by it, but I had to be consciously careful more than once. I thought about it a lot and wondered why, and I realized that it was during a rough patch during which my fiance was frustrating me. He was raising in me the emotions that I had felt towards my ex during similar situations and so my subconcious brought his name up. We worked on the frustrating situation, and surprise, this never happens anymore! So I just would be careful about jumping to conclusions about his loyalty or what’s going on, especially as you admit that you can get overly emotional in the face of such problems, and really talk it out calmly. Edit — love the PP’s suggestion of a letter. Fiance and I do that a lot because he doesn’t like to talk about emotionals and feels flustered/shuts down, and I can be too emotional and easily forget points that I had previously known I wanted to make. It’s a great way to keep the conversation on track and calm.

Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Secretone: Yeah, okay now I agree after your clarification. It’s super odd.

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