Husband saying "I hate you checking your phone" at the table (i finished my meal

posted 2 weeks ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
1173 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

I’m on your husbands side here sorry, I hate when we are eating and my fiancé uses his phones, we have a no phones rule at the table now and it works well. 

He’s allowed to have his feelings over this 

Post # 3
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

My husband has never told me I can’t do anything, but I also do think it’s rude to be on your phone at the table. I have a friend who I occasionally go for dinner with, and she always checks her phone while we’re sat at the table, and I have to admit, it irritates me.

ETA: from his reaction, it sounds like this wasn’t a one off incident too, it sounds like he’d been irritated by this for a while and snapped at you.

Post # 4
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee

Depends…how often are you using your phone? How often do you use it while you’re having a meal together? How often do you use it while it’s suppose to be quality time between you?

My husband told me from time to time to not use my phone so much (which I admit I do, but I usually don’t if we’re eating together / out somewhere).

Post # 5
Member
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

It is generally accepted that it is rude to sit on your phone at the table, I find it hard to believe an adult doesn’t know this. 

It seems like a stretch to assume he is trying to control you by wanting there to be one part of the day to be focused on each other instead of scrolling through your phone.  If anything your reaction of wanting to do it because your husband doesn’t like it seems immature. 

Post # 7
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I hate it when FH uses his phone while we are eating or at the park with the dogs .. and I tell him sometimes. And he gets all defensive about it. I’m spending time with him and I do think it’s rude that he’s on his phone. It makes me feel like he is disinterested and although he is physically there he isn’t present. 

To me you are overreacting! But I don’t know how he is about other things. Having a no phones rule at the table isn’t controlling as long as you both agree to it. And from what you said he just told you he hated it he didn’t tell you no. Did he forbid you to leave the table? You could have left.

You don’t deserve any specific type of reaction, if the way he said it bothers you just say “babe, I’m sorry you felt disrespected by me using my phone at the table, I see your point it is rude and I will stop using it while we are having meals together but in the future when things bother you could you point them out more gently.” You can always ask him what specifically bothers him about it. 

Post # 9
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

I actually had this exact conversation with my FH this morning. We went out for breakfast and he continually picked up his phone to reply to a work colleague. I get that it’s important but so is us spending time together. I feel like it takes away from that moment when one of us is checking their phone and responding to someone else. I just bring it up and he apologised and that was it. I understand his feelings completely. I’m glad you can see it from his perspective now. It’s all about quality time! 

Post # 10
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

I’m usually the one saying this. I always never check my phone during meal time but my husband sometimes does. I find it disturbing if there’s nothing urgent but the other person is simply killing time. 

 

Post # 11
Member
6314 posts
Bee Keeper

Checking one’s phone at the table is a bad habit that many people find rude, not just your husband. What’s so urgent that it can’t wait fifteen minutes? Or even an hour? Try to be present with the people you are with. 

Post # 12
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

If he only said that he hated you looking at your phone, that isn’t necessarily controlling. “Controlling” would be for him to say that you have to STOP looking at your phone. 

Either way, you shouldn’t be on your phone at the table with ANYone. Turn that crap off and pay attention to the human sitting right in front of you. 

Post # 13
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

It is considered rude, and indicates that you’d rather look at your phone than talk to the person you’re with.  There’s actually a term for it now: “phubbing.”  So I have so say, I’m sort of with your husband on this one.  https://time.com/5216853/what-is-phubbing/

Post # 14
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I am admittedly a little sensitive, so I have to say this to FH a lot, “The way you said it wasn’t wrong it was fine, I just need you to be gentler.”  beewedding :  

Post # 15
Member
6428 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s definitely rude.  You can’t go through one meal not looking at the phone?  I agree with your husband.  Unless there is other signs that he is controlling you, I don’t think this is a controlling behavior.

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