Husband saying "I hate you checking your phone" at the table (i finished my meal

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 31
1199 posts
Bumble bee

Always been a rule in our house, even as a kid growing up. You do not answer the phone during dinner and you never bring a phone to the table. 

Post # 32
248 posts
Helper bee

There’s clearly a general concenus here, but I’m also confused as to why you’d jump directly to “he’s controlling me.”

Does he display controlling behavior? You make it sound like he does this in other situations?

Post # 33
6231 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

OP- My husband and I have conversations about the phone quite a bit but it’s usually me on my phone (I use my phone for work and it’s really easy to end up checking it more often than I realize).

I do think it depends on the context, though. If you and your husband are having a quiet meal and conversing with one another, then yes, leave your phone to the side and wait to check it until after the meal. If you are out together for a meal, put it down. If you are sitting at the table and the two of you aren’t actively speaking with each other, then I don’t think it’s as necessary to leave your phone to the side. There are people who read books and newspapers at the table (I was one of those, too) and it’s pretty much the same thing, imo. Phones just have the capacity to be that much more addictive because of the variety of content and interactivity.

Your SO does get to have his feelings/opinion about it and you get to have your own and not necessarily agree with him. It’s best to just come to an agreement between the two of you about how you will navigate in general and what are the circumstances that allow for adjustments. He doesn’t get to ban phones from the table without your agreement. You don’t get to turn meals into a media experience without his. 

Post # 34
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

He wasnt being rude, you were. 

I know it may be difficult to see that because these days everyone is on some sort of device, but its important to be present with those you are with. 

Post # 35
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

We have a no phone rule at home when we’re together unless it’s a phone call or text from our boss or family. 

Post # 36
1946 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I agree with your husband we have a no phone in the kitchen rule. No phones when we are prepping dinner and definitely no phones at the dinner table

Post # 37
130 posts
Blushing bee

I use my phone as something to do with my hands. I should probably get a fidget cube instead tbh. But it’s me with the phone problem. I don’t use it when we’re out for a meal but we eat meals on the sofa so I do sometimes check my phone. My partner talks to me about it sometimes but he’s come to an understanding now and as long as I don’t use it when I’m out he’s fine. 

Post # 38
1155 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

beewedding :  Sorry but I agree with your husband here. It is one of my biggest pet peeves when people are in their phone at the table during meal time I really can’t stand it and it makes me feel like my company is not as important as the person they are talking/texting with on the phone. The phone can always wait. It won’t explode if people don’t look at it for 2 seconds. 

Post # 39
1155 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

danakxox :   But can’t even those people wait? I would be pretty annoyed no matter who it is if my fiance and I were spending time together and he felt the need to jump when the phone rings because it’s a family member or his boss unless someone is like in the hospital or something. But brother/mother calling to say hi doesn’t exactly scream emergency to me.

Post # 40
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

soexcited123 :  my Darling Husband gets annoyed at this too. Unfortunately my parents are elderly so when they call (often) I tend to jump up and grab the phone just in case due to my anxiety over something happening to them.

I think phones have become like security blankets, not that it’s an excuse. I’m not going to pick up my phone and start scrolling through FB or whatever to ignore my Darling Husband when we’re having dinner.

Post # 41
13674 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s super rude for someone to be on their phone during a meal.  You might as well announce that their conversation and presence is less important to you than your Instagram or the text message you received.

This isn’t controlling.  This is him pointing out your poor manners.

Post # 42
47 posts
  • Wedding: October 2020 - Los Angeles, California

Siding with your husband on this one. I’ve been in a similar situation, though my FH hates when I’m on my phone while he’s driving. At first I sat there flabbergasted as to why he cared so much (I could not care less if he was on his phone while I drove), but then I dug a bit deeper and realized it was more about me being present in the moment with him and I understood. Look at it in the framework of him genuinely caring about your company, not as something that he is trying to control. 🙂 

Post # 43
2695 posts
Sugar bee

We have a rule–no phones — during meal  time.

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