Husband says he doesn't want children

posted 11 months ago in Married Life
Post # 77
Member
2048 posts
Buzzing bee

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@togetherforever18:  

So when you posted your op 8 months ago about whether or not you should stay in your marriage with your husband who said you loved at that time or leave him….you had already left him six months prior?

Post # 78
Member
3188 posts
Sugar bee

That doesn’t make any sense, OP. You left your ex 14 months ago but were posting here 8 months ago debating whether you should leave your now ex?! Are you lying now so your new relationship doesn’t look so bad?

Post # 79
Member
1564 posts
Bumble bee

Urgh, jeez. Leave her alone. For forbid anyone put a time limit on when you should start being happy. 

Post # 82
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1564 posts
Bumble bee

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@mrsaime:  she said halfway through the thread 8 months ago that she had already moved out and was only going back to see him on weekends. 

Post # 83
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308 posts
Helper bee

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@togetherforever18:  I think thats great!  Just be happy!  When a long term relationship/marriage ends it doesnt mean neccarily it ends right there on that date, it was probably over much long before, just takes a while to get your head around it. In some effect your heart was single since the whole cheating/rough patch.   What Im saying is its awesome you have moved on and are happy. Glad you gave an update.

Post # 84
Member
3153 posts
Sugar bee

OP, I’m happy for you that you left your ex and have found someone new who makes you feel wonderful. I get the impression you had checked out of your last relationship awhile before it officially ended, so that may have made you ready for a new relationship sooner than otherwise.

The one thing in your post that gave me pause was your comment about how your new partner would be okay with an “oops” baby. While it’s good to know he wants children, this line in your post gave me the vibe that yall might not be taking enough precautions when it comes to BC (forgive me if I’m wrong). I am cautioning you here – as great as things are now with this guy, it is a brand new relationship on the heels of a divorce, and getting “accidentally” pregnant is a bad idea. Bringing a child into this world should ideally be a very conscious and deliberate decision. Your relationship will be stronger if you let it develop organically and give yourselves time to build a strong foundation without the pressure of a new pregnancy so soon after your breakup with your ex and the start of this new relationship.

Best of luck OP!

Post # 85
Member
3188 posts
Sugar bee

Ah, I see. So all those weekends you spent with him afterwards trying to work on things doesn’t count. Got it. Good luck with the rebound.

Post # 86
Member
744 posts
Busy bee

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@togetherforever18:  

I don’t get the negativity you are receiving, and I didn’t get the impression you are planning an oops baby either, just having adult conversations about what-if possbilities. It’s good to know where you and your partner stand if you are sexually active. FTR, my daughter was conceived while I was on birth control. It does happen and it’s good to discuss those potential outcomes.

Congrats and good luck in your new relationship. I’m sure you’re aware that you have moved kind of fast. Just enjoy the honeymoon period and don’t make any life-changing decisions just yet. Hoping to see an update down the road that the relationship was tried and tested and totally true love! Good luck bee! 

Post # 87
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

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@mrsaime:  Geez, cool it already with your “sleuthing” and judgmental attitude. 

Post # 88
Member
2079 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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@emilyofnewmoon:  I agree, so happy for you OP that you moved on! I’m also adding some concern for the oops baby comment. That’s an incredibly immature approach to having a child. I’m going to assume you mentioned him saying that becuase you were trying to highlight that he is in it with you for the long haul, not that he actually wants to just throw caution to the wind and have an oops baby. 

 

Post # 89
Member
14160 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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@unicornwolf:  There’s a difference in screening out men early on for incompatible goals and talking about how he’d be on board for a baby today if it were to happen. While a responsible thing to discuss as a hypothetical, if came up because they are rushing things and aren’t that careful, that’s a concern. IMO the real focus ought to be on making this a distant possibility for the time being. 

OP, while it may be accurate to say you moved out over a year ago, you were together much more recently. Forget about what people here think or say about that. If you’re trying to convince yourself that suggests maybe it would be better to take your time, for yourself, and to let this relationship develop over time. 

While admittedly I wish you would have taken time to be single, to learn, grow, process, and date as an adult for the first time in your life, I wish you the best. I think people are just concerned for you. 

Post # 90
Member
280 posts
Helper bee

I can understand your dilemma, and sorry you are going through it, Bee.

Here’s an alternative thought: people do change feelings over the years. What I wanted at 28 is not at all what I want now, but I wouldn’t have realized that back then. I have a friend who desperately wanted kids when she was younger. Years have since passed, and having kids is not even close to being on her list anymore and she’s glad she never had them. What I’m saying is life isn’t always as certain as one would think. Feelings and desires do change. And sometimes you look back at something and say to yourself “What was I thinking!”

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