(Closed) Husband says he wants time and space

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I get wanting a break if things have been that tumultuous, but I think it’s pretty cruel of him to not tell you when he’ll be back. Sorry this is happening, bee. When he does return you guys need to decide what has to happen for there to be peace in your relationship and then work on it everyday. Maybe counseling could help you unpack it all.

Post # 3
Member
11392 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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anon073111 :  my dad did this to us numerous times so I know how it feels, bee. this is cruel. 

I suggest you do a lot of thinking about what kind of person can do this to loved ones. It’s not mature or kind at all. 

Post # 4
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I don’t think we can really give you any advice with zero backstory here. 

Post # 5
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: South Lodge. 2nd of Dec 2017

View original reply
anon073111 :  wow, I would be reminding him, for better or for worse.  If your life is so tipsy turvy, he should be right beside you sorting it out.  Only you will know if he’s speaking the truth, or if this is a excuse and he’s out messin around.  The very best of British luck to you bee.  Xx 

Post # 6
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

The nicknames suggest he really does just need space and isn’t good at articulating it. He’s feeling some strong feelings and that may be good! He just doesn’t know what to do with him. I know it will be difficult, but I recommend treating this as though he’s just taking a long trip to the grocery store. “Ok sweetie, see you when you get back. 🙂 ” If he’s looking for any excuse to get out of the relationship, don’t gve him one. Have yourself a long “girls weekend” and do not reach out to him at all. You could set a deadline of what point to officially let him go, probably like 2 weeks, but until then, just chill. Write down all your feelings somewhere if you have to, but don’t show him, of course. When he gets back, let him do all the talking and see where his head is before you respond. Basically, if he is just genuine and overwhelmed, give him as much calm as possible to sort out his thoughts, and if there’s any kind of manipulation at play, have a plan and don’t let him get to you.

Post # 7
Member
7639 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Change the locks.

Bee, I’m so sorry this is happening, and (((((hugs))))) to you. But at the same time, I think you’ve got to play a bit of hardball here. He might really just need space, but by refusing to reply to you I think he’s messing with you, so I suspect it is something worse. So I suggest you change the locks, meaning he can’t just waltz back in when he feels like it. It gives you a degree of control over the situation: if he’s going to just walk out, then he can’t walk back in without your permission.

Post # 8
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee

Hoping it’s just space. But I’m very suspicious it’s another woman. Just from previous threads like this on the bee 🙁 

Post # 9
Member
213 posts
Helper bee

 

 

Ummmmmm, if my significant other randomly decided to ditch me for an unidentified time via text message we would be separating. You deserve a sit down conversation like an adult and to know what on earth is going on. This is immature and abandonment and would not fly with me. I wish you luck on whatever happens next…

 

 

Post # 10
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Well, Is anything of what he said on that text true? Have you both been fighting a lot? Has the atmosphere been more stressfull than usual? Can you sometimes be exhausting (think: too clingy, over critical, etc.)?

If your answers are “yes”, then maybe he really just needs some time to relax. Men tend to go to their “man cave” when things get so hard that they can’t cope in a rational way. I have to wonder if he purposedly didn’t give you more information because he didn’t want you to find him and he also didn’t know how long he’d take to sort out his feelings.

Try to take this time to analyse yourself and your relationship.

Post # 11
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

This is emotional abuse! It leaves you now with issues of abandonment in the future with this man. 

What had been going on in your relationship prior to this? 

Have you tried contacting your in laws to see if they know where he is? 

No matter how much space he needs he shouldn’t  just walk out on you without discussing it with you first and explaining things to you like an adult and also settings a time when he will plan to come back! 

For him to just text you after the fact shows so much immaturity – definitely seek therapy or counseling. With or without this man! 

Post # 12
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Also makes me wonder if he’s cheating…? 

Post # 14
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

This really sucks bee. It’s definitely off base for him to just disappear and not let you know his whereabouts or when he will be back. Wanting space is one thing but it seems like something else is up. I would be suspicious of another woman. I personally would prepare for the worst – get finances in order and take any money you may need, change the locks, and book a consult with an attorney. Too many times situations like these have turned out terrible. 

Post # 15
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
anon073111 :  how about he be a better husband in the future and not just leave you indefinitely?! 

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