Husband seems infatuated with BF GF

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3724 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I don’t inherently see red flags in this situation without more context. Is this a new person he’s just getting to know? What types of things does he mention about her? Maybe he’s just excited for his friend to have found a great partner. Maybe she has interests and hobbies he finds interesting. Perhaps you could join them the next time they all hang out?

Post # 3
Member
1538 posts
Bumble bee

He developed an affinity for her, at least for right now and based on what he got to know about her.  That’s really all there is to it.  And by “affinity”, I don’t mean anything other than platonic or friendlike.  It’s possible that there is a connection between them, that they have something in common that no one else has with him, that there could be a close friendship budding.  All three of them are hanging out together.  He showed you her social media account.  He talks about her to you all the time.  All of that means there is nothing untoward happening.  You don’t have to worry about anything until something secretive goes on.  Just imagine, instead of someone new he met, that he had a longstanding female friend that he was completely transparent with you about.

Post # 4
Member
822 posts
Busy bee

OP, you know your husband. From what you’ve said this is new behaviour and out of character for him. I wouldn’t take it lightly. There’s probably not anything going on between them but when a married man starts acting like a lovestruck teenager with a crush on his best friend’s gal, it’s time for straight talking. 

Ask him outright why he’s so fascinated with her, why he gushes over her and why he spends so much time talking about her. He might not even realise he’s doing it. Or. It could be the start of him paying attention to other women. Either way it’s best to get to the bottom of it now before any resentment starts to build. Hopefully it’s nothing and he’s just being silly.

Post # 5
Member
796 posts
Busy bee

You need to ask him: “do you have a crush on this girl or something? Because you’re acting pretty lovestruck”.

That’s it. That’s what you do.

Post # 6
Member
10633 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
@Willow_green:  

ls staying out all night without you usual for him? It wouldn’t be for me but if you two have an agreement then fine. His raving on about her might signify the innocence of the connection, or it might be infatuation. 
If it were me l would ask outright what his feelings for her are, and persist until l got a proper answer. 

Post # 7
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

Does the best friend notice? Maybe he needs to tell him to back off.

Post # 8
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee

I would be taken aback if I were telling my husband about this great new guy friend I made and he right away asked me if I had a crush on him. People can like each other and connect on a non romantic level.

Also, married people have crushes. It’s normal. What one does about it is what matters. If I were getting feelings for someone and was in a relationship, I would stop spending time and stop communicating with them. If I knew I liked this person on a platonic level only, I would keep being friends.

Post # 9
Member
1410 posts
Bumble bee

Is this a long term girlfriend or a new girlfriend?

I’d also be a bit taken aback if I met a new person, really enjoyed them/found a common interest, and was immediately pressed on whether or not I had a crush.

Is there something specific about this person’s social media (i.e. they are a musician, or hunter, or rock climber) that your husband is drawn to?

My partner’s best friend has a childhood friend, let’s call her Jane. She has never been romantically intertwined with my partner or his best friend. My partner has always generally liked her, and I thought she was fabulous from the first time I met her. Jane just got a new boyfriend, and my partner has a mad man crush on her boyfriend (he is a serious serious hunter). My partner keeps asking me to invite Jane over in the hopes she’ll bring her new boyfriend. I get that this isn’t alarming to me because my partner is straight and there is no potential romantic overtones, but he is so infatuated. He talks about this dude daily. My partner doesn’t have social media but always asks me for any updates from Jane re: hunting with her new boyfriend. It’s like he’s a little kid and met a real life Steve Rinella haha.

Anyways, things can get messy and feelings can get hurt if there are romantic feelings attached, but I’d be curious about the basis for the admiration.

  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by minnewanka.
Post # 10
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee

You know your partner better than anyone so if you think he’s acting smitten then that’s completely legitimate and needs to be addressed with him xo

Post # 11
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

If one of my husband’s single friends got a new dog or a classic car, this is the way he would act. In fact, he would have pictures of either the dog or the car and annoy me with them. If he talked about some dude’s wife or girlfriend it would be out of character. But that’s my husband, not yours. Is this weird behavior? Does he usually stay out all night? All of these things would be unusual in my house, but I’m not you.

Post # 14
Member
17 posts
Newbee

OP what happened with this???

Post # 15
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee

To be honest, I think the idea of having a mini crush after meeting a new really cool person for a few weeks is pretty normal – at least it would be for me and my husband. The feeling would definitely fade in a bit and I’d get back to normal friend mode with the person. 

If my husband accused me of something awry I think it would make me feel kind of weird and self concious and have the ability to impact my friendship.

So if it’s me, I wouldn’t say anything unless it persisted and became an actual problem or I was suspicious he was hiding something

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