Husband. Sister. Threesome?

posted 1 year ago in Intimacy
Post # 31
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee

I can’t even give you good advice here, because this is so outrageously out of line on both their parts. They both have disgusting boundary issues.  I would have a zero percent chance of recovering from this.  I’d be having a threesome with the divorce lawyer in the form of serving papers, and would not speak to my sister ever again.

cmsgirl : “This is a power play…”    Agreed.  This sister of yours is trying to hurt you.  She wants so badly to be the desired one, the winner, the victor that she is breaching boundaries with your partner. She’s likely only attracted to him BECAUSE he is your husband. She’s so caught up in the competition game that she gets off on the idea of your husband fantasizing about her, and about her destroying your marriage while she sex moans and performs like a porn star in your bedroom so she can be the star of the show — probably because she hates the fact that you are married and she isn’t. So proving your husband is a “bad partner” by confirming that he is lusting after her is a win in her book.  That is so deeply warped.

 I’d be screen-shotting that conversation and sending it to your sister with a note that tells her that for obvious reasons, you won’t be speaking to her again and that she needs professional help for her issues.  And I’d file for divorce with my husband. UNLESS you two have discussed bringing another woman into the relationship and you have been in support of that in the past.  Because the bottom line, sister or not, your husband was discussing having sex with another woman. Replace her with someone from his high school days and there would be no debate about the fact that it was cheating. It is far worse, because every male knows better than to mess with someone’s family.  I just couldn’t get over the two of them doing that. Ever.

Post # 32
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Yeah, as you implied, it would be one thing if your husband expressed a desire for having a threesome. It’s a common fantasyand doesn’t necessarily preclude infidelity. But your sister? Wtf, bro. How would he think you’d be okay with that? Even if there wasn’t the competition thing with her. Even if you two weren’t doing anything with each other. Who asks someone to have a sexual experience with their biological relative! WTF!

Someone’s been getting the wrong message from Game of Thrones. 

Post # 34
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee

Nothing is sexier than incest. I sometimes wonder if people with sister fantasies would be willing to hook up with their own siblings or parents? Like does your husband actually understand that this threesome would basically be same as having a threesome with his mum? Sure, have threesome with someone you trust but that means a friend or someone you are not related. Or is the idea that you just watch them?

I obviously don’t know you, but I can’t really see why your sister would suggest it unless she had some sort of game plan/balackmail/know you say no and then she can sleep with your husband? I think there is a leap between having this fantasy and actually suggesting. It takes balls to suggest your sister that you have sex with them.

Post # 35
Member
407 posts
Helper bee

worriedgal :  Oh hun, you need to go to someone you can trust. Talk it out. Make a plan. Get a lawyer. 

Post # 36
Member
359 posts
Helper bee

But just the fact that your sister asked if he spoke to you about it leads me to believe that she is being an asshole. It’s almost like she can’t wait for your husband to mention it to you so she can gloat and say “See what I got your husband to do?”

I just find it hard to believe that your sister doesn’t know you well enough to know that you would not be down for that!

Post # 37
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

Oh that is a whole other level of a**hole. How could they do that to you? Even if you gave us no backstory I would say beat your sister to a pulp. I always told my fiancé if he ever cheated on me I would beat hi, not the girl unless I knew her then they can both catch these hands. I would embarrass him. She clearly has no shame but I would tell everyone what a disgusting pig he is and what a terrible sister/person she’s is. No one who loves you would text your sister especially if you have confided your previous insecurities from high school to him. Drop them both, make it public and keep your dignity. I know it will hurt but if you go down this road there’s no recovery for your relationship on either side. 

Post # 38
Member
2094 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

worriedgal :  How you doing bee?  You’ve got concerned friends here if you need to talk.  I would think about seeing an individual counselor too… it can be really helpful to have someone to bounce all this stuff off.  Hugs to you xoxox

Post # 39
Member
9813 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

WTF.  I don’t think I could ever get over this one.  File for divorce and never speak to either one again.

Post # 40
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Before you go to a lawyer send snap shots of the texts to your email/phone as evidence before your husband erases is. 

You are not a fool. 

Do not question yourself because of the very poor and absurd actions of others. 

They BOTH broke the trust here. 

1) Your sister going behind your back about something very inappropriate. 

2) Your husband going along with it and even entertaining the idea for a moment. 

This is opening up so many unhealthy interactions between the lot of you I can’t even fathom it. 

I would pull your sister and husband aside and have a direct chat with them and tell them how hurt and betrayed you feel that they would think this was a good idea. 

I don’t know where we go from here besides telling your husband that he is in the dog house for breaking trust and that he is on a final warning basis – option 1. 

Option 2- divorce. 

Even if you aren’t going to divorce, still talk to a lawyer in case you change your mind. 

Protect yourself, Bee. 

 

Post # 41
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee

Your sister isn an ASSHOLE. Your husband is an ASSHOLE. That would be the end of my relationship with both of them. 

You should confront them and make them realize how truly fucked up and horrible they are. Leave your husband and tell them if anything happens between them you’ll spill their sick little story. Get screenshots before you confront them for SURE. 

Post # 42
Member
1457 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

worriedgal :  argh all parts of this story is horrifyingly disgusting. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. It would be a deal breaker for me.

Post # 43
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

worriedgal :  I am so, so sorry that you are going through this right now. Being betrayed by not one, but two people who you should be able to trust is just awful. This would be a deal breaker for me, with both of them. I hope you can muster the strength to stand up for yourself, divorce him, and disown her. They are both scum. 

Post # 44
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

DO NOT feel foolish. This is not on you. You were just done dirty by two shitty, incredibly selfish people. No one should have to be constantly looking for signs in seemingly innocent things between their spouse and their sibling. I say again: You are NOT a fool.

Post # 45
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee

Actually, I take that back, don’t screenshot: video his phone with your phone.   That establishes that it came directly from his identifiable phone.  Scroll slowly through the texts and click on her name to show the phone number.  Those things cannot be altered as easily in video, and can be screen shot from the video later.  And if you can’t scroll slow, scroll relatively quickly and you can slow the video down later. That will allow you to capture as much of the conversation as possible with evidence that it is from his phone, without having to take photos with your phone or screen shot and send them to yourself.  Get it on record immediately.

And no, you aren’t a fool. This is 100% outside the realm of what a normal partner would do, and what a normal sister would do that it is really unfair to yourself to take the blame for that.

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