(Closed) Husband spends every single Saturday with his friends

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Your husbands behavior is beyond unacceptable. His behavior is selfish and inconsiderate towards you. How would he like it if he were in your shoes? That every Saturday after a long hard week of work, you had all your friends over when all he wanted was to spend some quiet time with you?

There is nothing wrong with some guy time now and then but EVERY Saturday ALL day long is beyond excessive. You’re married; he SHOULD be prioritizing YOU on Saturdays, and not his buddies. Your home is your private sanctuary where you should be able to relax and connect with your hubby. It’s stuff like this that can put a real wedge in relationships. He is 100% in the wrong here and you are 100% in the right.

Post # 18
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

That is totally unacceptable and completely immature and disrespectful. 

My husband plays games too (and me too for the most part). He even owns a business that makes custome board games and peices/extras. We do play games together, but there are games that are too complicated for me and he has a group of guys that he plays with. The schedule “game days” at least two months in advanced. And it usually starts at 3pm and goes until like 11pm-12am. It only happens maybe 3-4 times a year. Because its scheduled so far in advance, I have lots of time to come up with somthing else to do.. And because it’s only a few times a year, I have absolutely no issues with it. 

What your describing would not fly. At all. 

Was he like this before you married?

Post # 19
Member
4807 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@sherryberry:   That sounds to me like college dormitory behavior.   Your home is shared space and as such any invitation needs to be from both of you, or at least discussed and agreed upon by both of you.   

 

Post # 20
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@sherryberry:  Yeah, if the talking didnt work, this is what I would do…I would go out to the bars and come home late, late, late. I would go with my girlfriends. I would make sure to post lots of pictures on FB. Have them talk about all the cute boys hitting on you guys (even if they arent). That should wake him up. 

Post # 21
Member
6013 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

DH had game nights every Friday night until about 2am.   Then he would sleep until I woke him up at Noon.  Then we had the day together… i got to hang in the PJs and he got to play ith the guys.  So as the guys had kids it’s gone down to 1 day a month…. and the last one as May 2012….. they did play tice over Christmas, but that was fine 😀 

They are all housebroken so they just throw stuff away as soon as they are done with it.  

Post # 23
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@sherryberry:  Show him this thread! These ladies have said everything I would have. You asked for a fair compromise and needs to grow up and deal! Tell him game night starts a 4pm and no earlier – just s he looks forward to having his gme day with his buddies, you look forward to having a quiet or at least quite start to yours, period!

Post # 24
Member
9565 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Thats bullshit. They are taking away your saturday to chill in your own home… EVERY SATURDAY?? Thats insane. Dont let him bully you into thinking youre being unreasonable- he is being a terrible partner. Saturdays are sacred. Dont come between me and my couch and my pjs.

 

 

Post # 25
Member
6880 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

That so would be a deal breaker. WTF he is married not some freaking single man.  Definately have a come to Jesus talk.  

Post # 26
Member
3934 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Your house is YOUR space! You should feel like you can relax in your own house on the weekend. Reclaim it! He seems unwilling to compromise and ia acting very immature. He can’t live the bachelor lifestyle because ummmmmm he is not a bachelor! I’m all for guy time, but it is negatively affecting you and the relationship. Why can’t they go to another house? Maybe they should make it a monthly thing instead…. I hope you can talk to him and he Realizes how disrespectful to you it is!

Post # 27
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think every saturday is a bit much and the fact that you said your house is very small so it infringes on your ability to relax. Add that to taking away from time with you, and I think you ate rightfully complaining.  Can they do every Friday night like PP said so that you will gave the rest if the weekend for qunite and together time? Can they cut this back to every other week.

my Fiance will spend 12-18 hours a day in the garage restoring his car when the weather is nice and it can get irritating but at least I still have the house to myself!  On the positive side, at least you know where he us and they aren’t out at the bars or something every week. I was sort of expecting that from your thread name.  I try to remind myself of that when Fiance spends an entire weekend working on his car. 

Post # 28
Member
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@sherryberry:  

If your husband thinks this behavior is appropriate, he isn’t ready to be a father. Sounds harsh but fathers have to prioritize their families over their friends. If he can’t even do this now, what will happen when the two of you have a baby? 

Post # 29
Member
2386 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Why can’t they go to someone else’s house?

Post # 30
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

View original reply
@PeachSnapple:  He’s not a bachelor anymore, he got married, and that comes with responsibilities…and his buddies and their game night/day should NOT be coming before you and your needs, wants, expectations, feelings.

THIS, times about 1000!!!!

I am a gamer.  My husband is a gamer, (both PC), (so this is coming from someone who loves nothing more than to come home from work, put on my pajama pants, and get on my computer).  When he was single, he would go over to his friends’ houses all the time for LANs, (basically a party where everyone bring their computer or console and plays games together).  When we started dating, he didn’t go as often because we often had plans, but still went occasionally.  However, as the relationship progressed and we got engaged then married, the LANs tapered off.  We have hosted a couple, when the game we were playing at the time had expansion releases.  We haven’t hosted in several years now, (partially because the house we have now really isn’t big enough for more than one or maybe two buddies to come over with their set-ups), and I think DH has gone to ONE the past YEAR.  If he was going, or worse, we were hosting EVERY WEEKEND, I am pretty sure there wouldn’t be a marriage.

In your situation, the only compromise I might even consider is once-a-month game day, and certainly not tweleve hours worth of it!

Like Peach said, he is NOT a bachelor anymore, and his priority needs to be his wife/family, not hanging out with his boys.

Post # 31
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

No this isn’t acceptable.   I suggest that one games evening per fortnight at another venue, 4 hours maximum.  They could always hire a place so that it doesn’t have to be at your house.  On this night you could meet up with a friend, take an evening course or take a sports class so that you have fun too.  Other nights you and your husband should do things together or simply enjoy each other’s company..

 

If you do have anything at your house it is up to your husband and the guys to prepare stuff beforehand and to clean up thoroughly afterwards.

 

I’ve been married to my lovely husband for 26 years.  Marriage needs to be worked at and this takes time and effort.  It also needs to be romantic and sexy.  Inviting loads of blokes around every Saturday – well it’s hard to think of anything less romantic or less sexy.

 

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