(Closed) Husband spends every single Saturday with his friends

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 93
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@sherryberry:  …that’s ridiculous.  If he wants your affection, he shouldn’t play video games all day long.

Post # 94
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This would piss me off beyond belief. 

Post # 96
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@peachacid:  +1

 

OP:  Back in the day, when my DH was just my BF, he would come home from week long work trips (where he was working 18 hour+ days on about 4 hours of sleep) and spend 2 whole days closeted up with his video games or sleeping.  I was told to “expect it” and “deal with it”. And I did, I understood, it was his method of relaxing. But it got less and less so over the years.    Now as my DH, when he comes home from a week long work trip, he will just veg out watching tv or sleeping in  the mornings.   A lot of the time, he wants to spend that vegging out time with ME.  

 

 

Post # 99
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@sherryberry:  I just read all of your updates and I’m glad to hear you two are making some progress. My DH has a super stressful job but lucky for me not too many hobbies. When we were first dating and he wanted to decompress he would shut me out and fall off the radar. Now its more like DH gets home from work, I feed him dinner and we watch a tv show or 2 together and head back to the bedroom by 9/9:30, asleep by 10/10:30 (I’m 35w pregnant so i’m an early sleeper). Then every single weekend he sleeps in until at least 10 (usually 11 and sometimes 12 if I don’t wake him at all). Its SO annoying to me because i want to spend our weekends together, my favorite meal is brunch and I’m always dying to go to brunch with him, unless we plan it in advance it just doesn’t happen. I hate it when he’ll sleep in until 10/11 only to get up and go golfing from noon-5or6. It makes it just like a normal work week where I’m essentially alone while he does his own thing. Also, we have an alarm system in our house so even if I want to do something on the weekend mornings when hes taking his coma i end up waking him up by turning off the alarm and opening the door to leave. Its like i’m trapped at home because i feel bad that DH is so tired/stressed and is doing his version of decompressing. if i do want to do an activity with DH on the weekend he’s totally agreeable to getting up earlier than usual, it just has to be planned in advance. They key for us is communication and compromise. I’m up at 7am almost every day and that doesn’t change on the weekends but i want to go out to brunch i have to be willing to wait until at least 10/1030 before that can happen which is along time for a pregnant hungry girl to wait for a meal… so i end up snacking or having a light breakfast while I want for him to get up and ready. Good luck as you two continue to figure out what works best for the both of you =) don’t stop communicating!

Post # 101
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

That is so completely unacceptable.

But you know what? I actually like his solution. He can tell them YOU’RE not okay with it…because YOU are a human being too and you have the right to be happy in your home and have your husband free most weekends!

It would of course be lovely if he would really think about it, decide HE doesn’t want to do this to you, and tell them HE isn’t okay with it…but failing that, sure, YOU can be not okay with it too!

Better yet, tell them yourself. “Ding ding, hey guys, I have an announcement! I think you’re all great, I’m glad DH has such good friends, and I love seeing you, but I need my weekends to be structured differently. From now on, I’m willing to host game night in our house once every 8 weeks. For the other weeks, please rotate amongst yourselves. Thank you!”

Your DH sounds like a wonderful man in other ways but he has an obligation to give his family normal weekend availability. 

Post # 103
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Sounds like Saturday night might be a good time to do some vacuuming in a nightgown…lol.  Kidding.  Kind of. Though it would be amusing to go walk out and grab a slice of pizza in a sexy little robe.  It is your house right?

Post # 104
Member
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@sherryberry

 

I second vaccuming in a sexy robe. You are handling this game night far better than I ever would. I would probably flip out. Maybe try dragging your DH to your bedroom for a provocative tease and promise more later if you’re still awake when the guys leave. What guy can say no to sex?

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 105
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@sherryberry:  bummer on how your date day ended and shame on those boys for arriving early. Definitely DH’s loss on finding you in sexy undergarments 🙂 I’ve always been an early riser, as I sit here and write you DH is snoozing in bed. We are in Monterey this weekend for our babymoon/valentines/Presidents’ Day weekend and he’s on hour 9 of sleep. Gah! It’s such a beautiful day & I wanna go out and play (while I’m still feeling good & have some energy). I already left the room for coffee & a cinnamon roll but by the time DH wakes up, we shower and get ready for the day we’ll most likely get lunch, walk around for a bit & come back to the room because I’ll be ready for my nap. And let me tell you a tired pregnant girl is no fun so naps are a must these days.

i honestly don’t worry about DH & golf too much as his only golfing buddy is a coworker who has 2 kids & his coworker “isn’t allowed out much” by his wife. I bought DH gift certificates/groupon like deals for a few golf courses around the area for Xmas 2012 & he didn’t use a single one before they expired. I asked him why & he said he didn’t want to take away from our time together & upset me. Ha! I was like “isn’t giving you gift certificates to gold basically giving you the green light & my blessing to do it.” I think we’ve touched on when the baby comes how he can take late night feelings while mama sleeps since he likes to stay up late anyways. So once baby & I are established with breast feeding I’ll make sure there’s enough milk for DH to handle her 10/11pm and 1/2am feeding while I go to sleep around 8ish the I can take over middle of the night & early morning feedings while DH sleeps.

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