Husband spends more time with friends than he does me

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Sarah29 :  Only you can answer that bee. We are not living in your world. We only heard a little bit of your story. I think you are broken. I think you need to heal. I think you jumped into a relationship way to quick after your son’s father did this to you because you were looking for someone to love you. And he was the first one to do that. I think you need a lot of therepy. From what you told us you need to work on yourself a whole lot more. It takes alot of time. You need time to heal from what he did to you. 

Post # 47
Member
861 posts
Busy bee

Sarah29 :  It sounds like your husband found someone to look after his household, and his kid. This frees him up to spend his time however he pleases. Are you contributing financially, as well? Some people get married out of convenience—not because they care about making a life with someone. Given everything you’ve posted, it seems you would be much better off on your own. I’m sorry you’ve found yourself such a sad situation. Best of luck to you, 

Post # 48
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Sarah29 :   I do not know of 1 man who doesnt cheat or hasnt cheated at least once in their marriage. 

Then you surround yourself with some really shitty shitty people. Are these the type of role models you want for your son? 

Post # 49
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee

Sarah29 : can you please elaborate on “verbally cheated” ??

Post # 50
Member
4534 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sarah29 :  your husbands daughter was molested and has behavioural issues. He got full custody and he is off hanging with friends and not doing his dammed hardest to help his daughter through her trauma. He is also allowing his Friends to come to stay in his home which certainly make his daughter feel unsafe and stressed given her history. Wtf??

Enough, is enough OP. You call him on his bullshit and you do your hardest to help that little girl. Strange men in her personal space is not helpful for that little girl. An absent disinterested father is even worse. You are also not modelling healthy anything to your own child. What exactly is good here because I’m struggling to see it? 

Post # 51
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

I get mixed messages from you. You told you used to have amazing marriage, now a new update tells you’ve been living with people for a year… You’ve only been married 1.5 years and he’s already cheated. 

What you’ve gone through is hard but you should look for internal validation and happiness first before anything else. 

Post # 52
Member
5564 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I still find it so strange that you are still convinced your relationship was so perfect and amazing until ONE MONTH ago and now suddenly it is totally over and you’re ready for divorce?  This is a really weird situation. 

I can’t believe you are bot allowing your husband’s “homeboys” to come and go from your house, living there for months at a time when there is an 8 year old girl in the house who has been molested?!! What the F am I reading? 

Post # 53
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t know, OP. This all sounds such a mess and if I were you, I’d walk.

1. You guys dated for 8 months only and it seemed like he had a good guy mask on the whole time. Now all of a sudden, he’s hanging out with his dudes whenever he’s home and only goes to you for sex at night? What an arse. 

2. He’s bringing in male friends/strangers in the house when his own daughter has been molested before??? And she has to live with them for a year?!??

3. He “verbally cheated” (whatever that means?) a month after being married to you? Did he emotionally cheated? Or did he have phone sex with someone?

You need more time on your own to heal from your previous relationship instead of jumping into this one. Trust us bees, there are better men out there who hasn’t cheated and won’t ever cheat! 

Post # 54
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Wait wait wait wait wait…

When did you two get custody of his daughter? She’s been molested and abused and father of the year over here thinks it’s a good idea to not only completely ignore her and have bro time in the garage all night and day, but also have random, strange men spend days and months on end in her home?! And you don’t see anything wrong with this for her sake?! Let’s just re-traumatize this poor girl all over again! 

Post # 55
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Only you know what you are going through. If you are done then you are done. When a man don’t want t fix anything then that’s his choice.  You deserve a good life too. Ide try to work things out but if you have already tried only you know what’s best. I’m not one to stick around and find things out. I’ll let them catch up to me I. Life. 

Goodluck bee

Post # 56
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Sarah29 :  just because your husband doesn’t beat you or mentally abuse you (can’t even say doesn’t cheat on you because he already has) – does NOT make him a good man or husband. Your whole idea of what that is is based on a piece of sh*t felon. It sounds like you’ve graduated from that to a level slightly below pond scum. Get yourself some counseling, leave him, and get his poor abused daughter some help too. 

Post # 57
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

How do you say you had an “amazing marriage” when you’ve only been married a year and a half and he cheated on you one month in and you were ready to divorce? And you said for the past month his friend has been coming over and they’ve been playing pool in the garage, and then you say you’ve only had the pool table a week? 

Post # 58
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

OP, I agree with PP.  You need to get it into your head that you IN NO WAY have an “amazing marriage.”  You might have a slightly better marriage than the hell you went through previously, but this is NOT a good marriage.  I would highly recommend individual counseling if you haven’t considered it yet.  This is not what love is supposed to look like.

Post # 59
Member
26 posts
Newbee

Sarah29 :  I know it is really hard to feel like this. You and your family should be his first priority. Since he cheated early on in the marriage and he consistently is displaying the behavior of a single 20 something, it sounds like he’s not serious about being an adult, married and a father. If counseling doesn’t work or isn’t an option, it may be time to make a decision that is best for you and your child. XO

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