Husband stalking another woman on insta

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
9718 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Yeah, this feels like a way over the top reaction. It’s just a picture. Has he given you other reasons not to trust him?

Post # 3
Member
7773 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I was about to say it’s probably nothing, then I looked at your previous thread about your husband and changed my mind. He has a history of cheating and shady behavior. So yeah, I would be side eyeing this too.

On a related note, are you ok in this relationship? It can’t be easy having these deep-seated doubts and feeling like you have to read into everything.

Post # 4
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

This is a major overreaction. I looked at your old posts and saw that your husband cheated on his first wife, so I see why you’re paranoid. However, scrutinizing his every move is going to make you crazy and hurt your relationship. You either trust him or you don’t, and if you don’t, then maybe you should re-evaluate the marriage.

Post # 5
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

Yes, if this is truly the only thing that’s going on, it’s an overreaction. But if this is a symptom of a different problem – you have reason to suspect he is cheating on you or interested in this friend – then perhaps not. But from the way the story is told now, yes, definitely an overreaction. 

Post # 6
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

tasha16 :  My opinion may be unpopular, but no, I don’t think you are overreacting and you should trust your intuition. 

Post # 7
Member
5893 posts
Bee Keeper

How are you ‘just happening’ to see what he does/doesn’t like on social media? It sounds like you feel you have to check up on him/ keep tabs on him. I don’t recall your previous thread off-hand, but if your husband has a history of cheating/ inappropriate behaviour, this is the core problem- because I don’t think most of us would notice or care that our partners liked some pic of a friend. It sounds like there are deep-seated trust issues going on here. 

Post # 8
Member
2486 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think you’re wrong to raise an eyebrow to behavior from your Fiance that deviates in a big way from the norm. 

Fiance is pretty active on social media, and he frequently likes one of my friend’s pictures – because she’s married, and we hang out with the couple a lot, and he considers them HIS friends, too. 

However, if we DIDN’T hang out a lot, and he WASN’T active on social media, and he all of a sudden went and liked one very old picture of her from when she was single, I’d think it was very odd.

I would never go on her husband’s social media and wade back to old, single pictures and start liking. I would personally feel like that would be overstepping a boundary. And just plain weird. 

I DO think it’s an overreaction to frame this as “stalking.” Liking one picture from a long time ago is not “stalking.” Another mutual friend may have commented on or liked that picture, causing it to show up in his feed, and he casually liked it and kept scrolling. 

In your shoes, I’d probably ask about it. Fiance and like to keep our relationship as open and honest as possible, even when it comes to my sometimes paranoid thinking and his sometimes insecure thinking. 

Post # 9
Member
661 posts
Busy bee

I think you’re overreacting. One of the first things I do when I make online friends is scroll throug ALL of their pictures, no matter how old for curiosity’s sake. Don’t you scroll through other people’s old photos? Am I abnormal? 

I know some people treat the liking of pictures as an online flirtation. Personally I think that if anybody is using that as a way to flirt (in the absence of other messaging), their seduction skills are way juvenile. 

Having cheated once before, I don’t believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater.” If he were “twice a cheater,” THEN maybe there is reason to be paranoid. 

Post # 10
Member
2001 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

i think your over reacting, i too like to scroll through peoples insta feeds, and even if the picture is semi old i have no issue still liking the photo. People do the same thing to my insta, and i never think anything of it. 

Post # 11
Member
4559 posts
Honey bee

 So you are stalking your husbands social media activity?

For the average person, liking things from several months ago isn’t a big deal.  Sometimes you scroll back to see some history or you’re bored or whatever.  I also like things accidentally as I scroll.  I would have zero problem if my SO did this.  I also probably wouldn’t notice because I’m too busy living my life to monitor my SO’s internet usage like he’s my child and I trust him.

But based on your posting history you went in eyes wide open on this one and married someone even though you clearly dont trust him.  So, welcome to your life.  You chose it.  Either accept that you live a life of snooping and questioning, get yourself some therapy to deal with your trust issues, or make the decision to leave and decide you don’t want to be with someone you can’t trust.  But asking internet strangers to either validate you or alleviate your concerns when you picked this is going to get old really fast.  For everyone.

If you’re going to continue in the relationship and be the wife who monitors and questions every interaction he has with the opposite sex, you need to come up with a better coping mechanism and a plan to actually communicate with your husband about this.

Post # 12
Member
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think he may have been looking at his pictures and whether it was intentional that he liked the photo or not, if someone did that to me with an old photo I’d think it was really weird. I don’t think it’s worth mentioning though. 

Post # 15
Member
3446 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Wait, he talks about your friends while you two are having sex as part of his dirty talk???

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