Husband staying at friends house? Opinions please!

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
10855 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

spiffy80schick :  

The denying that he agreed to counseling is very concerning.

Has he expressed feelings around your being busy with school during the week?

With normal couples, time together is a negotiable item.  This is far from normal, Bee.  If you can’t resolve this through discussion and he won’t go to counseling, you will have to accept that you two are fundamentally incompatible.

Post # 62
Member
10855 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

spiffy80schick :  

Is this the same guy?  The one who wouldn’t clean pee and poo off the toilet?

 

Defensive?

Post # 63
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2022

Considering he refuses to attend counseling and ditches your plans, I would definitely talk with him about it. I don’t know if it’s just me or not but it sounds like something fishy is going down :/

Post # 64
Member
9961 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Why doesn’t he just play online with them?

This is 2018, not 1994.

Post # 65
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Him and Noah are probably gay lovers. 

Post # 66
Member
907 posts
Busy bee

This is one of the weirdest things I’ve ever heard!!! Are you sure he’s hanging out with Noah?  

Post # 67
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

 sassy411 :  Eww.

Even without reading the link to your previous thread OP, it’s clear that you’re an over-achiever and your husband is an under-achiever, possibly to the point of incompatibiity. Your main focus is your career (albeit, in fairness, you’re seeing how this benefits you both), his main focus is video games with his bros. 

But skimming through that past link. As I said, ew. Leaving a toilet disgusting after himself is not only slobbish and unsanitary (unless there’s a valid physical &/ or mental reason of course) but it shows a total lack of respect for you. Does he not care that you have to SEE that, let alone be the one to clean it? And knowing you’ve been away, working your ass off settling up the old place, did he not care that he hadn’t bothered to unpack anything or fix anything up in the days you’d been gone? He could have used those days to surprise you when you got back, seeing all he’d accomplished (I would have done this in his position), but he didn’t make so much as a half-assed effort, something even most teenagers would have done! 

Sorry Bee, but adding the back story to the current situation, I think you’d be better off on your own than with someone who is not only incompatible but highly immature and inconsiderate. 

Post # 68
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Well, I was kind of on your side. But now I just think you’re full of shit. Maybe instead of trying to impress your professors by completely going overboard, you could try impressing your spouse enough to maybe spend some time with you. 

Post # 69
Member
907 posts
Busy bee

annabeth929 :  that’s not very nice. She’s taking classes to improve herself and her career prospects, which apparently her husband has been supportive of, and will ultimately benefit him when she starts working less hours while making more money. She and her husband have special time together on the weekends, but he is choosing to be with his buddy (allegedly!) for weird juvenile sleepovers. I feel like he is in the wrong here, sometimes in life we go through periods where we are working 12 hour days, that’s the phase OP is in right now. Even more reason why the husband should relish the time they get with each other on the weekend. Honestly he sounds like a loser. 

Post # 70
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

spiffy80schick :  Oh girl, HELLO? If I was you I’da followed his creep a** months ago. How are you so certian that’s where he’s going? Maybe he knows you think he could never cook up an elaborate scheme, which is how he’s managed to do exactly that!! Also, he’s had 8 months. Now I know, i know, cheating is not always the answer, but I feel like as women, we have way more intuitive guts about weird a** s***. 90% of the time when we think something’s off about ANYTHING, SOMETHING’S OFF!! & this is SUUUPER off. Follow him. If i was in your city, I’d do it for you lol.

Post # 71
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

This one got good #following

Post # 72
Member
2800 posts
Sugar bee

Firstly just want to say I get why you responded defensively to the post that questioned your work ethic – No one here knows what’s required for that course but you.

That said, I do think that your time apart and a potential lack of communication about it may be your culprit. You don’t really share your lives at all during the week, so he may have just stopped seeing your schedules as intertwined and contingent on one another. 

He also may have come to rely a lot more on his friends for companionship the way single guys do – because for most of the week he likely feels basically single. He may even resent you because he’s alone all week, but then expected to drop everything when it works for you. 

Either way you need to have a serious talk with him. Try to find ways that both of you can show each other that your relationship is a priority. Schedule in date nights, cut back on work now and then for him, etc. 

Post # 73
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

made2comment :  I second this. Something is really really off about this. I’d suspect cheating but I hate to say that, I can only imagine how worried you must be already. I am so sorry. I would pop in one day he says he is going there to bring chips, snacks, pizza etc and see if he is really there. 

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