- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Little bit of a back story…
we got married last June and have been extremely happy until recently. My hubs suffers from and is medicated for depression. He hasn’t been low, low like this in a long time but winter is definitely worse.
He recently changed jobs within the same organisation. A big promotion he didn’t want and he is finding the politics tough. We also lost our first pregnancy in late jan /early feb at 5 weeks. So tonnes of stuff going on. I’m not feeling the greatest either but last night the floor fell out from under me when he was weird and quiet on the way home and told me that he is struggling to hold it together because he is scared our marriage isn’t working.
He said that all the criticism he internally lays at his own feet he is starting to project towards me. That he loves me and feels that all he does is take from me. That it’s too much of a one way street (example – he wants to do Passover with his family instead of go away for the weekend to a hotel which was booked as a Xmas gift)
I know he loves me and this is – for want of a better word – crazy talk. He is the best man I know and this ‘one way street’ stuff is nonsense. But girls I’m terrified! I have suggested we talk to someone together as communication is one of the struggles we face from time to time. He is happy with that. I told him he was going through a tough time and whilst I knew I couldn’t help him I was determined to see it through as I know it will get better. I feel he is aware of his low mood and trying to protect me from it. As he said last night he has been here before but never with someone else to look out for.
How do I carry on each day wondering if he has decided to leave me?? I am craving reassurance already and although I know he will give it to me if I ask for it I’m scared he will be lying. I feel sick at the thought of he conversation last night. He asked that we put the baby thing on hold (we were planning on trying again this month) which I completely understand. But I’m broken hearted about.
Not sure what I’m looking for here – a chance to talk it out. I don’t want to tell my family as I know it will shake them and upset them and then when things get better as I pray they will, they’ll have a tainted viewpoint of him and of us. I guess if anyone has struggled with depression id appreciate some pointers – how to be supportive etc.
thanks for listening x