Husband told me he may never want kids.

posted 7 months ago in No Kids
Post # 46
Member
695 posts
Busy bee

Even after 10 years. If you want kids ( all you ever wanted) then absolutely you must have kids or you will regret it forever. 

ive met couples in the past where this happened and it’s such a hard place to be. 

An emotionally based, solution based therapist could help you all out. If your husband won’t go, you should go to help sort out your priorities. Don’t make this decision alone. Consult a professional. 

Post # 47
Member
14152 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I take issue with those saying this guy has every right to change his mind about kids. That’s not much different than saying he has “every right” to cheat or to divorce you. 

Agreeing to kids is a huge commitment and going back on his word on this matter was a betrayal. I agree with the PP who said he may be looking for an out.  Anyone who could make such a misogynistic comment about looks and pregnancy is not the kind of person I’d trust, respect, or want to raise children with. 

I’m conflicted about the idea of couples counseling. On one hand you’re married and it seems like exploring the chance to save the relationship should be on the table. On the other, he’s already told you all you need to know. What could change? 

Post # 48
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
@weddingmaven:  all of this!

OP, I just want to give you a hug. This is such a betrayal in my eyes. I’d probably have to move on as this would be a deal breaker for me. I’ve known a few couples unfortunately that have had this happen. If being a mother is what’s going to make you happy in the long run, then make that your priority. Certainly don’t make a man that would shame you about pregnancy weight the priority. The nerve of this guy..

Post # 49
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I am friends with a couple who went through something similar. They were staunchly childfree and she had her tubes tied. A few years later her husband started wanting kids. They loved each other deeply so they went to couples counseling and individual counseling and separated for about six months. Ultimately the husband decided that he loved his wife more than he wanted kids and they got back together. But she was prepared to let him go because she could never make him happy if kids were something he needed. 

First, it sounds like your husband doesn’t have the level of respect for you that he should. His comment is so out of line it’s not even funny. I personally would be ready to walk out the door just from that alone. Second, this is a no win situation. There is no compromising here. If you want kids and he doesn’t the only option is going to be to divorce. You will resent him forever if he denies you the family you want, and you will end up angry and divorced anyway if you try to force him into having kids he doesn’t want. 

I can’t tell you if he strung you along for years never wanting kids or if he genuinely changed his mind, which can happen, but either way you need to do what’s best for you. If that’s freezing your eggs for peace of mind and then finding someone who can give you what you need, then that’s what you should do. I would recommend couples and individual counseling immediately and make it clear to him how important this is. If he doesn’t respect you enough to even go or try to work through this with you then it should be that much easier for you to leave him. 

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