(Closed) Husband touches me even after I've told him to stop

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If you’re telling him it’s ok sometimes but not all the time then he doesn’t know when it’s ok.

You need to be very clear with him what’s ok and what isn’t. Not ”sometimes” but very clearly when ”yes” and when ”no”, and that he needs to respect that otherwise it’s assault.

Post # 32
634 posts
Busy bee

This has to be an either/or situation. You can’t say it’s ok sometimes, because what he’s doing requires an element of surprise. So you have to say to him “never do it”. (The alternative is that he would have to say “may I pull your pants down next time you walk by”, you’d say yes and stand there while he yanks them. Which in this situation is absurd.)

I often walk by husband and playfully pat his bum, or as I’m standing up I’ll lean over and cop a feel. If he ever told me to stop, that he only likes it sometimes, I’d just never do it. 

Post # 33
285 posts
Helper bee

liz42:  I would too. But unless you’re saying she shouldn’t even try to save her marriage and should head straight to divorce, I think it diminishes your vows to play the divorce card, or threaten to sue him sexual assault unless you are ready to go down that route. 

Post # 34
697 posts
Busy bee

daffodils:  +1. I agree 100% with this. I’m not saying his behavior is ok but I’m also the type of person who does this to my OH (ei like pat his bum) and if he told me it was only ok sometimes I just wouldn’t do it. So OP, I think you need to tell him stop completely.

Post # 35
5876 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

anonbee97531:  Honestly, I know violence is not the answer, but it would be very difficult for me to not say, “ok, when you do that, I’ll do this” and then slap him across the face.

Not suggesting it…but something about that solution just feels karmic.

Post # 36
8957 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper


What is it with men and bum-slapping !! After years of marriage I have still to remind my h. that I still dont like it . It’s like his hand moves  of it’s own accord ………….

Post # 37
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: South Lodge. 2nd of Dec 2017

Reverse the behaviour do it to him continually twist his nipples poke him in the crotch, when he complains and he will say …. Now do you understand.  Men are like children sometimes you have to behave like a child if he is not responding to talking.

Post # 38
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

This is disgusting behavior. OP, if I were in your shoes I’d feel exactly the same way.

Under some circumstances I wouldn’t necessarily agree with some PP’s that this has to be an either/or situation, and that your intimate partner can never touch you randomly, because I think in most healthy romantic, intimate relationships, playful and spontaneous touching can and does play an important role (how would you get that great spontaneous sex otherwise)? HOWEVER, in that kind of relationship, each partner needs to understand and respect what “Not now, honey” or “Please don’t” means. In this case, since he seems SO immature (at best), I’m inclined to agree that he needs to be told no unsolicited touching/groping ever.

Has he ever done/said anything else that indicates he thinks women’s bodies are objects up for grabs or that he thinks he has some kind to claim to your body? I’m just so disturbed by this behavior and so angry on your behalf. 🙁

Post # 39
1184 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t say its sexual assault but would say it’s a violation of your privacy and shows a complete lack of respect. 

He may think that by being ‘sexy’ it will make you more up for it. and whilst I think its a stupid approach, I can see why he might try it. HOWEVER, the fact he carries on after you’ve said stop is totally out of order. 

Post # 40
295 posts
Helper bee

Your husband needs to see a doctor. He may have something wrong with his brain. If not, see a divorce lawyer.This guy is not marriage material.  Why waste 200 an hour  in therapy to tell you this guy is not what you want or need.

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