(Closed) Husband upset at me for not exercising : /

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 33
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

I HATE working out. There’s so many days where I just dread it, getting my ass beat for an hour (I go to group classes) and paying to go there is NOT my idea of fun but I do it because I need it. I have migraines too, not as often as you do, I also have anxiety, ankle issues, etc, etc, and I realized that all my issues I have is better managed with exercise and sleep. It sucks but when I go to the gym, I make sure to listen to a really good podcast or an audiobook so I force myself to work out to listen to it. I also go to barre class which I actually enjoy going to now but it also took several months for me to enjoy it.

When you get home on the day you’ve designated to work out is to put on your workout clothes. Even if you’re not going to work out for several hours. Also, have your husband hold you accountable for not exercising. I don’t mean he needs to make sure you go to bed without dinner but keep reminding you on the day you don’t work out that you should have. Maybe even buy a gym package which forces you to go because you don’t want to waste your money. You can try yoga, barre, whatever, I know a lot of women/men who have all kinds of health issues and they go to the gym. Most of the time, all doctors tell you to manage your problems is to manage it with exercise. You may also be tired from sitting down too much. Who knows. But these are the things you can do.

I know it’s hard starting, hell, I was like you a year ago making ALL KINDS of excuses but then I realized, it was bullshit. I just plain didn’t want to go but now that I’ve been working out all the time, I look SOO much better and feel better.

Post # 35
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Maybe just up the speed/length of your walks and add in something like pilates for strength. Blogilates on youtube does great upbeat pilates videos.

Post # 36
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I hate working out with a passion. But I also love food and I know the less I move the less I can eat and lose weight. Have you tried myfitness pal? It’s a food and exercise tracking app. After 2 weeks it practically had all of my most  commonly eaten foods and meals memorized and told me exactly how much to eat or exercise to keep losing weight. Babies are no joke, not that you thought they were. Mine are 3 and 5 and it only gets harder once they are here. Better to start making better habits now. 

Post # 37
Member
6490 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’ve joined the gym and let my membership lapse so many times I can’t even count. My now Fiance was really into working out and encouraged me to join him for YEARS. Probably a good 6 or 7 years. I agreed to let him train me once and I spent more time being defiant and power struggling with him than I spent doing any exercises.

This last go round I finally decided to just stick with it until I fell in love with it (which also meant letting myself NOT be happy about it for as long as that lasted. For the first three months he would ask me “Doesn’t this feel great?!” All annoyingly chipper. And I’d growl “NO! It sucks.”) I promised myself I wasn’t going to concern myself with the scale (I usually don’t anyway so that part was easy) and I also wasn’t gong to worry about what I looked like- my biggest issue in the past was that I would work out until I start liking the way I looked and then I’d be all MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! And quit. 😂

This go round I’ve been working out consistently for two years. Fiance is my trainer (again). We go to the gym together twice a week and he trains me and then I try to go on my own once or twice. I keep a journal of what I do and seeing my progress from month to month keeps me motivated (today I attempted a 240 pound squat for the first time. I NEVER would have thought I’d get to that place in the past). I still feel resistance but I’ve found that love place I was trying to get to. I love how I feel- I’ve got a lot of dance injuries from high school and college and my body used to hurt all.the.time. I don’t have as many aches anymore.

I think if you can start by finding something that makes your body feel good when you do it then you can get to the place where you might be able to try other things that push you a bit more out of your comfort zone. Also, if you can have set times that you do something with your husband each week that can help you get up your momentum.

My sympathies to you with your migraines- I’ve got several relatives who deal with them and it’s terrible. I hope that if/when you find some fitness that works for you that a side effect is an easing of your migraines. My brother was able to get a bit of relief with his that way.

Post # 38
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I feel compelled to respond because this was my situation exactly, only from the other side. My husband would not exercise, didn’t like it. I encouraged him to find a form of exercise he liked, but he didn’t/couldn’t. I emphasized that my concerns were in no way shallow or appearance driven, and they really weren’t, he’d gained weight since I knew him but he was really skinny when we met, I thought he looked pretty perfect with the extra weight. But his father had his body in his 20s also and is now morbidly obese with chronic health problems. I saw him heading down that road.

What eventually worked was this. I told him he didn’t have to like it, and he didn’t have to do it forever, but he did have to try it. One month. Running for 20 minutes, 3x per week. I said if he didn’t feel better doing it he could absolutely quit, but that he had to try, because I would not accept being the only one running after our children while he was catching his breath. That was months ago and my husband is now a religious runner. He doesn’t like it the way I do, but he loves the way he feels. 20 lousy minutes in the morning three days a week and he sleeps better, doesn’t get out of breath climbing stairs, and he’s lost 10 pounds (incidentally I run significantly more and lose no weight, the punk). We live in Arizona but he hasn’t missed a day due to heat, he goes in the morning before work.

Everyone can fit 20 minutes into their routine. It’s a sacrifice at first but most people find the benefits far outweigh the cost. I hope that helps!

Post # 39
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee

Girl, I could have written your post nearly verbatim not too long ago. I had every excuse in the book. You just have to shove the excuses aside and treat exercise like brushing your teeth. Eventually,  it will become a habit that you even look forward to.

Google has a neat little trick in its calendar app where it finds time for you to exercise and reschedules it when you skip. It’s awesome.

Pokemon Go can definitely distract you while walking. If it’s too hot, go walk the mall on Saturdays and Sundays before the stores open. Buy a treadmill again. Dance in your living room. Take salsa lessons with your husband (sexy exercise for the win!). Hire a hot trainer. Anything that gets you moving.

Most importantly, keep trying (but give each option a few weeks to stick) until you find something that you enjoy. 

Post # 40
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

mssparkles :  The thing with exercise is that you just have to do it. Give yourself 5 minutes and if you still don’t want to do it, stop. You will probably keep going.

Post # 41
Member
1700 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I have suffered from chronic migraines for over 10 years now, and after trying what felt like everything, from different sports and activities, to different migraine medications and diets. I have found that vinyasa yoga indoors (Via online yoga videos) in my house is my favorite regular workout because it never triggers migraine for me, and allows me to exercise at least 3x a week in addition to my 20 min daily walks. I know how exhausting chronic migraines can be, and I hope this provides a fitness solution that you can commit to, Bee!  

Post # 42
Member
18 posts
Newbee

mssparkles :  I suffer from excercise-induced migraines. I’m not sure if that is your trigger, but it’s certainly mine.I’ve found that the better shape I’m in, the more I’m able to do. THis means I need to work very slowly to get in shape without getting sick. I’ve had a lot of success with the Couch to 5K program – often repeating days or weeks as needed. I’ve always been active, even an athlete, but need to adjust things to my own migraine “handicap.” Good luck!

Post # 43
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Sounds like you would benefit from yoga, you can find plenty of free videos online.

Post # 44
Member
3238 posts
Sugar bee

Have you gone to the doctor for a full work up of your labs? Blood work can answer a lot of questions. Like, being tired all the time, getting dizzy and shortness of breathe suddenly meant I had a hemoglobin of 6.6. No obvious bleeding, no drastic symptoms that would freak a person out. Turns out my body had no iron stores, so making blood happened less and less. “Easy” fix, but caused a lot of problems in the interim.

Anyway, I’m just saying, perhaps there is a reason you’re physically not feeling well and up to exercising. I would start there, before you get yourself into crazy motivated work out mode, and then get derailed if something pops up. 

Post # 45
Member
5102 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Exercise sucks but we have to do it. Can you buy a treadmill or elliptical for your home? Even refurnished. You can start slow on either one of those and you’ll have the added bonus of being able to workout in the comfort of your own house.

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