Husband walked out. Mixed singles. So confused :(

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

anybee128 :  Why don’t you go to therapy? I honestly wouldn’t put up with your behavior if I were him either. Based on your post, you haven’t made any attempts to fix the issues in your marriage. You’re just hoping that things go back to how they were, which was a situation that made your husband unhappy in the first place.

Post # 3
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

dojx :  I agree, I think living apart and OP going to counseling for 3-6 months could drastically improve the situation

Post # 4
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Oh bee,  hugs.  I know you have to be in a lot of pain now.  Honestly,  I would stop focusing on your husband right now.  You cant make his decision for him and you shouldn’t.  He’s told you why he’s unhappy and I can see how the constant questioning would get on his nerves.  You say it’s the result of a past relationship, so have you seen a counselor to help you deal with your past trauma?  You husband told you for a long time he was unhappy, maybe it’s time to stop focusing on him and start focusing on yourself. Find some things to do that de-stress you and make you happy.  Maybe take up yoga or join a meet-up for a hobby you enjoy. 

You’ll be okay bee. 

Post # 6
Member
4103 posts
Honey bee

You need therapy. Your extreme insecurities would be toxic to any relationship. And you are manipulative towards him. Sorry if that stings to hear, but it’s the truth. Work on yourself before you try to work on your relationship with him. Nothing is ever gonna change if you don’t work on your self esteem issues. 

ETA: he’s not giving you mixed signals. He’s telling you point blank that he’s unhappy and needs space. You don’t want to hear it. 

Post # 9
Member
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

anybee128 :  have you thought that maybe he is hesitating because he hopes that you will finally get help? Honestly like pp said I would have been out of the door long before this. What you are doing is a form of abuse and I think he would be best to leave regardless of if you get help or not.

Post # 10
Member
4103 posts
Honey bee

anybee128 :  stop worrying about him. Work on yourself. If there’s any hope of salvaging your relationship, it hasn’t to start with you working on your issues. 

ETA again: even if there is no hope of salvaging your relationship, you need to work on your issues. Because you’ll have the same issues in the next relationship if you don’t finally tackle them. Additionally you have 3 children to look after. You have to be strong, mentally and emotionally, for their sake. 

Post # 12
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

anybee128 :  If I were in your position, I would leave him alone. If it ends in divorce, then it’s for the best. Your husband deserves to be happy. Sometimes the hardest thing about love is letting go.

Work on yourself before you try to get back together with him. And stop stalking him. Once you fix the problem, reach out to him to see if there’s any possibility of getting back together. There’s no point in getting back together now and having you both be unhappy.

Post # 13
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry bee, it sounds like your in a really rough time. However, after the constant badgering and assumptions, I’d leave too. Its mentally and emotionally draining, for both you and him. 

Have ya’ll done any counseling, or have you sought out counseling yourself? Your behavior isn’t normal or healthy for a marriage. I think both of you are being wise by taking the separation slow and trying to feel out the relationship and what the next step is. I’d recommend counseling at this time so you have someone you can express yourself to, without risking him feeling badgered and pushed away again and furthering his separation. 

Post # 14
Member
3417 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

You should look up adult attachment styles. Take a quiz, do some research. I think it’ll help you become even more self-aware. You need to seek counseling and work on your self-esteem. These are flaws you can work on, and you can get better and fix this. 

Give him his time. The “hopefully miss me” part is also very unhealthy. Of course your husband will miss you, but that’s not the point. He’s making a tough decision that is in his best interest. Let him know you support his decision and you’re going to begin therapy immediately. This is going to be a long process. It is not a quick fix, and I don’t think you should move back in together until your therapist agrees you should. After you’ve begun getting better individually, it’ll be time for couples therapy.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors