(Closed) Husband wants me to lose weight

posted 3 years ago in Fitness
Post # 47
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It always hurts when somebody comments or makes suggestions on our size …would it at all be helpful to begin a diet/excercise program WITH him? I’m pretty sure your guy isn’t perfect either and if he was just being rude and demanding, then you have all rights to be upset, however as PP have said, maybe he just want your confidence back? either way, have a chat, and see what you BOTH can do

Post # 48
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m sorry, but your husband is an asshole. I can’t believe he has the nerve to sabotage your diet and then complain about it.

He can either eat healthier along with you, or he can accept your current weight.

It’s utterly hypocritcal for him to think that he can buy junk food and order pizza and suggest dinner at the burger joint, and then criticize you for eating exactly what he does.

Post # 49
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

MrsBeck :  The biggest thing you can do with portion control is to eat slower.  I found that when I eat slower, it helps me with my own struggle with portion control because then I realize when I’m full before I eat a portion that makes my waistband tight and my stomach hurt! It takes time to realize when you’re satisfied. This is one of the reasons the French and Italuans have all those great dishes and don’t have as many weight concerns — they drag out their meals and talk and sip wine 🙂

Like you, I enjoy going out for pizza with a partner. If you are trying to make changes, you could either try my idea above and or you could get a thin crust pizza with less cheese and more veggies if that is appealing. 

By the way you aren’t oversight but might feel better physically on Monday if you enjoy your favorite foods in a slightly more moderate way. A lot of fattening foods in one weekend can cause fatigue and worse pms . But I wouldn’t be afraid to have pizza and burgers at all.

Post # 50
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Temescal Lake House

I’m 5’5 and Id love to be back at 140! The weight I felt the most healthy and sexy! I’m currently 160…. I don’t know why you think you’re chubby. Don’t let him tear you down. If you want to lose a few, that’s fine. But do it for yourself. Not him! Not cool 

Post # 52
Member
4026 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am posting this to give you some perspective. I am 5’5 too, I’m 153 lbs. I know I am not chubby or fat. My Fiance has never mentioned my weight disparagingly or really at all! Sure I could stand to lose a few lbs (in my mind) but honestly I think I look pretty fucking good for being this weight. The number on a scale to me means nothing… Here I am at my bridal shower yesterday! 

PS. My mom on the left is 5’3 and 140 lbs. she is very muscular. Again number on the scale means NOTHING. 

Post # 53
Member
10020 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

MrsBeck :  You’re already at a healthy weight and BMI.  Maintenance should be your goal at this point.  Tell your husband your weight, as long as it’s in the healthy range, is none of his business unless you asked for his opinion or he happens to also be your personal trainer.  He could actually trigger a return to an eating disorder for you; that’s no joke and way more dangerous to your health than losing a few vanity pounds.

Something that may help you is to stop labeling foods as “good” or “bad.”  Food is food, food is fuel.  Granted some foods are more nutritious than others but no food is really inherently “bad.”  Give yourself a break already in that regard.  Eating a chip or a cookie will not hurt you at all in the long run of healthy eating over a period of time.  In fact, the more you try to stringently restrict yourself the more you’ll crave those exact things, it’s human nature to do so.

Also, as you age it’s perfectly normal for your weight to fluctuate a little up and down.  Hormones affect weight as well.  Your focus should be on health, not on weight, and it sounds like you already know the right things to do and have a healthy lifestyle.

Post # 54
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee

MrsBeck :  I’m so glad you’re thinking through this holistically. As someone who has struggled with body image and harmful dieting, I hear your struggle when you talk about your more intense dieting phase. It’s so important to think through your health as a whole, including your mental health. Dieting and obsessing over physical appearance can do a lot of damage to you. It matter what your Darling Husband thinks, but not nearly as much as it matters that you’re well cared for.

I’m happy to hear you’re committed to eating healthier together. I think that will be important for both of you in the long run. I’d also advise keeping some healthy high-calorie snacks around for Darling Husband. My husband can out eat me easily, and one of the ways I try to maintain my weight while eating with him is to make sure he has plenty of healthy options to snack on between our meals together and to add onto our meals (he’ll have a whole avocado on his tacos while I’ll have a few slivers, etc). Just because he can eat cheeseburgers every day without putting on weight doesn’t mean he should and he should be more committed to adjusting his eating habits than adjusting yours.

Post # 55
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Cheekie0077 :  You are right. What an adorable photo. You look so pretty and not at all overweight even by superficial worldly standards. Congratulations to you and your Fiance on your upcoming wedding!!!

Post # 56
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

Don’t feel too bad about what he said. Marriage means being honest with each other, and if he were to hide his feelings about your weight from you he would be disloyal. As long as he didn’t say it in a terrible way and took your feelings into account. I’m sure he isn’t perfect either (no one is) so maybe you both should work out together, or since you have a problem knee stay on a diet together. My husband is 6’4 and about 250 lb. He has struggled with his weight ever since he dated me (it’s all my fault because I’m always hungry lol)! I am 5’1 (I know, big height difference) and I’m about 120. He’s cracked a couple of jokes about my belly because it isn’t flat anymore but I’ve made light jokes about him too. Now that we are married I’m going to try to get us healthier!

Post # 57
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I actually found this thread quite upsetting 🙁

I am 5’8 and around 168lbs. According to BMI I am 3lbs overweight. I’m very uncomfortable and unhappy with my body. If I reached a point where I was happier with my body and I’d started to accept myself when suddenly my partner let me know that HE wasn’t happy with MY body, I’d be devastated.

I have a tiny frame and was underweight but healthy for most of my life. That changed when I got a coil fitted three years ago. I no longer have it. My weight went up to 175lbs. I’m eating a healthy balanced diet now and I’m more active and my weight is slowly going down.

My boyfriend is SO supportive. He asks me to write him shopping lists for healthy snacks. We go running when I want to. And he doesn’t say anything when I sit down on the sofa with a cup of tea and some biscuits instead of an apple. If anything he says it’s okay because I’m doing well. He encourages instead of criticises, and it spurs me on so much. He said he’ll take me shopping to celebrate when I reach my goal. I asked him how much weight I had to lose and what size I need to be (lame, I know) before we can do that and he said that’s all up to me. It’s my personal body goal, nobody else’s. He simply says he’ll be happy when I am.

Post # 58
Member
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Most of us have all gone through the phases you’ve described in different combinations. I’m 5’3″ so the difference between 125 – 140 – 150 are really quite noticable on me. When I was heaviest, I wasn’t watching what I was eating at all and I was miserable for so many unrelated reasons. So my complete lack of control over my health was really just symptomatic of everything else in my life. When I started working to lose most of my weight, people would ask me what my “goal weight” was, and I told them I don’t have one. Because here’s my view — my goal isn’t about an end result, it’s about being happy with the life I lead. Your body reflects your lifestyle. When I eat well and workout, I’m happiest and my body reflects it. I want to do things to take care of myself, so eating well and working out in and of themselves make me happy. It’s just a perk that I look good as a result. If you focus on the scale or the final look, the finish line will forever be out of reach because it will keep moving back as you near it. We all have ups and downs; despite the wedding being so close, I am currently eating pretty leniently because I have a lot of work stress and also believe that will power is a finite resource. My body is squishier for it, but I ain’t mad because I know I’m doing a good job juggling everything else going on right now and still working out. And admittedly, once you prioritize eating well, my version of eating leniently is a 2″ cookie with my afternoon coffee at work and not weighing all my portions on a food scale. It works for me. So to your point about being happy with your eating habits, I think it would do you well to think about my view because it’s not really about being happy with your body. It’s about being happy with you and your life and your health. At 152 lbs, I had trouble breathing. I was not healthy and did not feel good. Your body is just the vehicle, so if you’re treating it well and FEEL GOOD and it looks like it does, then it should look like that. Make peace with it. If you really do get crazy on the weekends and are maybe sabotaging yourself or don’t actually feel good (not talking about mental/emotional body acceptance, literally are you physically healthy?) then you might reconsider having more structured weekends, picking some specific treats and things like that. 

That all being said, I do think it’s fair that your husband, being closest to you, would notice the weight changes and talk to you about it. You said as much, so I assume it was a respectful conversation, and that’s good. He’s made his concern known. So once you do your reflecting from the perspective of physically feeling good and being happy with your lifestyle – or not – then you can go back to him and either talk to him about working with you on changes, since I assume you are not eating your weekend meals alone, or explain to him your thought process and how you feel and tell him that he needs to support you at this weight if you’re happy. 

Post # 59
Member
6161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I have zero food will power so I really sympathize with you around the weekend eating challenges. Someone I love has been dieting/battling her body for almost the entire time I’ve known her (and it’s my understanding that it was going on before that, too). That’s no way to live. Your husband might have a preference for how your body looks and maybe there’s a constructive way to convey that but it doesn’t matter because your body belongs to YOU and the first person who has a right to be happy with it is YOU.

Post # 60
Member
4026 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

littlechickie :  thank you Bee, that truly means a lot to me 😘 My sister has been battling with an eating disorder for over a decade and it always really bothers me when someone is so concerned about their body image and feeling like they need to look a certain way to be considered pretty or whatever. And OP taking his words to heart is upsetting to me.

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