Post # 31
I get how you feel. I’m pretty driven by a schedule and would worry the entire time making it very not sexy. I do think that relationships are about compromise and people gave you some great advice on how you can maybe make it work once a month or so. I would try to make it work though, because he loves you and is reaching out so it’s probably important to him on some level, and there may be ways that you can make it work so that it’s a more enjoyable experience for you once a month or so.
Post # 32
I’d love this. Once a month is not a burden IMO. I wouldn’t feel cheap actually quite the opposite.
Post # 33
I don’t think once a month is a unrealistic burden to make an effort in your sex life. I not exactly sure how often he is asking for quickies, but quickies can be a ton of fun. I also think it’s weird that your hubby makes you feel cheap. Is he not attentive during quickie sex, maybe some communication about what you’d like to see happen in a quickie would be helpful. It sounds like your DH is not satisfied with your sex life.
Obviously, if you are not interested then you need to tell him to stop asking, and stop making up excuses. Perhaps work on finding a way to add another time for sex in your schedule. (Maybe get up early for sex? Or as other PP have said, does he have a break)
Post # 34
“I mean, I’ll admit we only have sex maybe once or twice a week because our schedules clash (I go to bed at 11pm, wake up at 6:30. He gets home at midnight and goes to bed at, like, 4am). So weekends are really our only option.”
Option 1. weekends
Option 2. he gets up with you (no pun intended) at 630am after having gone to bed at his normal 4am, enjoy some time, then you go off to work and he goes back to bed
Option 3. you stay up an extra 90mins occassionally, and you take nap after work if needed.
Options 4. he goes to bed at midnight occassionally, gets up with you at 630, after you leave he takes another nap if needed.
Option 5. once in a blue moon, you meet at a hotel room near your office and have a romantic lunch together.
And I really ought to remember to stay on the rings forum. lol
Post # 35
I think you need to discuss that yes, spontaneous sex is nice, but it’s just not feasible during your lunch break. It makes you feel like your time is not valued, and yes I can understand how you might feel like he just wants one thing out of you.
If you guys can only have sex a few times a week because your schedules match up only then, that’s fine. He shouldn’t be asking you to go out of your way and sacrificing your lunch break so you can squeeze sex in like some chore. I’m sure it’s got to make sex feel less fun. Just talk to him about your feelings. Open communication is best.
Post # 36
Well, it’s a shame that you see this as a burden and something that you just flat-out don’t want to do. It’s important to have flexibilty and a willingness to think outside the box to keep things fun and interesting. Rigid rules about sex – like when, where, how much one must cuddle before and after and so on – just sucks all the fun out of it.
I was also confused about how *once a month or so* somehow translated to *quickines all the time*. It seems like such a small thing really. I dunno. Making it sound like such a huge sacrifice to give up one book-reading, bird-watching lunch out of every 20? I would be hurt if I were him. You are sending a pretty clear message.
I personally would maybe arrange ahead of time to go in a little early or stay a little late one day so I could extend my lunch hour a bit. Then I would make a lunch I can easily eat in the car while driving. Then I would drive home for my lunch hour and sex the heck out of my very happy and very grateful husband. It really isn’t that big of a deal in my opinion. You aren’t doing it every day. It seems like such a little thing that is easily doable on the once-every-20th-lunchhour and it’s kind of sad that you’re all PFFFT. NOT HAPPENING!! SORRY NOT SORRY BUT IT ISN’T WORTH IT TO ME.
But I guess if you have a mutual agreement that he doesn’t have to make an extra effort to do things for you then it’s all good.
Post # 37
The love of your life is so attracted to you and misses you so much that he wants to see you and be intimate with you during your lunch break? Where’s the problem in this?
He’s your husband. You shouldn’t feel cheap. You can cuddle and not have sex, just like you can have sex and sometimes not have time for cuddling.
If this was a daily thing, it wouldn’t be practical, but once a month? Come on. Throw caution to the wind. Be spontaneous and just enjoy it. It’s meant to be fun. It’s so infrequent and makes him happy.
There are worse things in the world than grabbing a quickie with your other half.
Post # 38
Aww, I know it’s a pain but truly, sex is so important. The release of oxytocin strenghtens the bond between people. It is a good thing that he is still so attracted to you. If it’s too much, and believe me I understand, at lunchtime maybe you can plan some other times to be together so that you can enjoy each other more often. 🙂
Post # 39
I laughed at this because my husband and I actually do this often, only because we are TTC and sometimes it’s the only time we can during important fertile days. It is really inconvenient, since I have about the same commute, but I have to do what I have to do! Sorry I have no real advice, although inconvenient, I really enjoy seeing him that little bit during the day.
Post # 40
I understand how this can be an inconvenience and a little annoying for you. Having said that, I think you need to indulge him from time to time. Maybe once or twice a month.
Pick the days that you want and let him know ahead of time when your “lunch dates” will be. He may find it sexy that you’re taking charge and then you don’t have to worry about him asking for a nooner on a day when you would seriously rather do anything else in your break.
I don’t have much of a sex drive these days, so I know where you’re coming from. Sometimes it’s tempting to say no. But I have to remind myself that my husband has needs and as his wife, I need to do my best to meet them, as he does mine. So I do whatever it takes to get myself in the mood, and I never regret it.
I hope you guys sort this out in a way that feels fair to both. Good luck!
Post # 41
I understand you feeling some-kinda-way about the insessant cheapies — but, I guess at the end of the day he wants you – and that’s a good thing. He wants to enjoy his wife — and I guess it could hurt if he’s being rejected. Men think of sex differently than we do — so just keep that in mind.
You fulfill him sexually — so I’d just keep that in mind — you don’t want him to get lunch sex somewhere else. *just sayin*
Post # 42
My fiancé also works 2nd, so our schedules clash. i sometimes set my alarm a little earlier to have morning sex, or if I’m trying to surprise him and typically if have nothing going on in the AM I’ll send a pic and a “wake me up when you get home ;)” text. (His days off change monthly) Neither of those are really my favorite, but we can’t only have sex on his days off- especially since I don’t always want to on his days off. Lunch sex isn’t working for you, but find something that does so you’re both happy.
also, anyone saying you better do it or he’ll find it somewhere else needs to reevaluate the men they’re with. Hell to the no.
Post # 43
Ugh. Lunch sex sounds like the worst idea ever to me, but then I take a while to get going and I pretty much always have a 20-30 minute nap after sex. There is no way that would work in the middle of the day unless it is a day off with no plans! I’m kind of surprised by the PP who suggested watching sexy music videos at work to get things going before going home… Wouldn’t that just eat into your break time? Surely you don’t expect your employer to pay you for time spent preparing for sex.
I recognize that other people on this forum have different sex drives and attitudes towards sex; but that doesn’t mean OP should feel bad for lunch sex not being her thing.
Post # 44
- Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017
So you’re saying that even if you don’t want sex you should still do it to stop your husband cheating? Wow.
Post # 45
Maybe you can tell your work that you need to take an extended lunch break since you are planning to visit the dentist, so instead you can take 2 hours, go home, do the dirty, and return with time to spare. 😉