(Closed) Husband wants to be a cop. I'm freakin out =(

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
3240 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

It sounds like he would be a great archaeologist. We are kind of like detectives, except our clues are all super duper old and we have to dig them up. There are plenty of mysteries still out there and plenty of time to solve them in.


if you look online, chances are good during the summer that you can find a public archaeology project near you he can work with to get a “taste” of being an archaeologist. If not near you, there are usually a ton of field programs in nice warm places like Mexico, Aruba and the Middle East like Israel and Jordan to get involved in!

Post # 3
46613 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

EllasGrace20:  If he is not suited to be a cop, he will likely be weeded out in the initial stages, so no worries.

Post # 6
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

EllasGrace20:  Do NOT tell him what you think his flaws are and that you think that he won’t be a good cop. That will probably crush him. You need to support him. If he is truly not cop material he will not pass the numerous tests ( and there is a psycological test too), then he will have that to tell him. 

Before you go telling him that you don’t believe in him ( and if you don’t really know cops, how do you know what the job really needs? Slow driving isn’t a detriment- most cops aren’t allowed to pursue fleeing vehicles…if your getting your information from police tv shows please stop)

Also, you don’t go to the academy until you are hired, so don’t worry about it now

If I were you I would just support him, can you imagine telling your fiance you wanted to be a nurse and then he spouts off a laundry list of reasons why you would be a horrible nurse?

Additionally, if he does become a cop, you will need to s 180 on your attitude. It is not an easy thing to be a cop or be married to a cop, and you will need to support him 100%, its a really rough job. 

I would be more worried about how your life and relationship will change if he becomes a cop and if you guys can handle it, rather than his ability to become a cop.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
Post # 8
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I usually try not to give out personal details on this site, but **** it. Everyone who is a detective on this site probably already knows who I am IRL anyway.

My Darling Husband is a police officer in the UK. Feel free to ask for advice. You should know that the entry procedure is tough though… and that if your SO is completely unsuitable, they will know about it before you do!

I remember when Darling Husband started… his collegues have all said to me how they looked at him and thought that he would be mincemeat until they saw him dragging in 6ft 6 drunks by their collars. Same when we were in the army together. They thought that neither of us would do the distance, but we managed an impressive number of years between us, despite both being short, fat, and needing glasses!

Post # 9
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Maybe he might not have the traits that you associate with being a cop at present, but presumably developing those traits will be part of his training. I’m sure that he’ll be learning to be more assertive etc. Also being on the “softer” side is not necessarily a bad thing. I’m sure we don’t need assholes in the police service. 


You mention that the first time you saw a patient die, you froze. That’s understandable. The vast majority of people would panic when confronted with an emergency. But how do you do better next time? Its a combination of experience and training. It’s the same for your husband. Of course he doesn’t have everything he needs to be a policeman right now, but that doesn’t mean he wont develop it. 

Post # 11
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

EllasGrace20:  Ok so my SO isn’t a police officer, I am. So I can tell you all about how this works, how it affects the relationship and most importantly, what Badge Bunnies are lol.

When it comes to his soft personality and lack of confidence, that really doesn’t matter. Reason why I say this is because when you are in the Police Academy, they break you down and build you back up. So the things that you may have thought you were not strong at, all of a sudden become second nature without you even knowing it. 

I’ve been doing this myself for 6 years, and I am in one of the most violent cities in the country (Los Angeles). It isn’t as bad as you are thinking it is. Yeah it is dangerous but if he was trained right, there is nothing to worry about. Of course there are accidents and tragedies but every job has those. (My stepdad’s boss had a massive heart attack and died at the office. He works at Chase Bank) 

The one thing that really sucks about Law Enforcement and having a family is the overtime. As a matter of fact, I am on overtime as we speak. It is what it is. Also holidays. Forget 4th of July, forget New Years Eve…. at least the first 5 or 6 years, that’s a holiday you shall work. All of my coworkers have kids and a family, and other than a little bit of lack of sleep, it is perfectly doable.

Now, badge bunnies. I find those to be completely hilarious. Basically it is women who are in the hunt for police officers. Not for gold digging purposes, but because as officers we get some fantastic benefits and killer retirements. Badge bunnies are notorious for accidental pregnancies, which mean you just lost half of all of that. But if your man is a trustworthy person, that is nothing to worry about. 99% of officers don’t fall for it. We know better. 

I want to make a comment on the “weeding out”, yeah, it is a very long process and if he isn’t suited for the job, they will figure it out and disqualify him. 

And don’t worry about the tough skin! That comes overtime 🙂

Good luck and I hope that helped!


Post # 12
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If your husband is not suitable material for a police officer then they will determine this long before he gets to Police Academy. In fact, he’s likely to fall early on in the selection process so I really wouldn’t be worrying too much yet awhile. If he gets through what is bound to be quite a tough selection process then I guess he won’t be the soft and somewhat vulnerable person you have him pegged as!

My father was a police officer in the City of London force. Several friends serve in the police force locally. All of them enjoy their jobs and it doesn’t seem to have changed their characters for the worse. 

Post # 13
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

EllasGrace20:  It’s totally a mental attitude that makes or breaks a police officer. That’s not true of every profession… I spent time with the infantry and it made me really sad that my body would simply quit on me and not be tough enough long before my mind went. I would literally run until I fainted and fight until I needed treatment.

However, in my experience, most people can suffer pain as long as they will be comfortable in a few hours… most people can suffer cold or heat as long as they know they will get relief in a few hours etc etc…

You only break people by either physically pushing them to the point of unconsciousness, or by mentally pushing them to breaking point. I have more experience with physical breaking points, but mentally speaking then it really depends on the person. Also, sometimes then you never know until you try. Maybe your other half is not suited… who knows? But I’m sure the recruitment process will weed out the unsuitable… I wouldn’t worry unduly.

Post # 15
437 posts
Helper bee

EllasGrace20:  You just described my SO to a “T”. Honestly, he is a big, humble teddy bear. He is also a Detective. The youngest one to have filled his particular position. And he is a darn good one, at that. His heart is in it and it’s something he was passionate about for many years before I came along, and it’s obvious to anyone who knows him. Not all cops have to be a-holes. Now, granted, he is no longer a patrol cop. He is actually an Arson Detective. Which is not nearly as dangerous and often pays better. There are other avenues of doing police work that does not require physically chasing bad guys. Maybe he could eventually transition into such a position once he gets some experience. 

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